# Worst ways to have your Secret Identity exposed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2006, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904 "2006-04-02T02:56:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/21 "2006-04-03T18:12:27Z")
In the middle of the I.R.S. audit. - “We’re somewhat concerned about these entries here. Where does this social insurance number come in?” - “Ahem. Hmm. How do you mean?” _Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!_ ---
**Author:** ![HeadNinja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b4bc9f/32.png) [@HeadNinja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeadNinja)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/22 "2006-04-03T18:33:23Z")
My only excuse is that I come from a planet where they don’t have preview. Ye gods that is unreadable. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/23 "2006-04-03T18:36:32Z")
Flying around a city and hitting a lamp post, getting knocked out from it and having your wallet stolen. Having your supercar break down and having to abandon it on the side of the road where the police eventually trace it back to your true identity. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/24 "2006-04-03T18:37:05Z")
**Head Ninja** , that story just won a Pulitzer in my universe. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/25 "2006-04-03T18:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] _Enquirer_ Exclusive - Butler Saw Everything! [/QUOTE] I saw NOTHING! No… there is no need to check my bank accounts… well… ummmm.. ok… yes, these are all of them… nope… nothing offshore… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/26 "2006-04-03T19:20:06Z")
Your secret identity is taken to the hospital, and not only does the emergency room staff discover you are wearing your super costume underneath your regular clothes, but it’s dirty and has holes in it. Next time, maybe you’ll listen to your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/27 "2006-04-03T19:37:21Z")
In the bathroom, you get caught in your zipper, and you have to call the paramedics, who find your costume underneath your clothes. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/28 "2006-04-03T20:16:40Z")
You get super drunk at the office party and super puke. OR Somebody walks in on you after you’ve spun your food in webbing, hung it from the ceilling, and as you’re sucking it dry. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/29 "2006-04-03T20:46:53Z")
I think having Alfred bringing your _Babe du Jour_ into the Batcave unannounced while you’re working uncowled on the Batcomputer would pretty much suck… ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/30 "2006-04-03T21:26:53Z")
_:: RUMBLE ::_ Perry: My God, what was that? Lois: It felt like an earthquake! Jimmy: Gosh! _:: RUMBLE ::_ Perry: Good God, that came from … from Clarke! Superman: Uh, no it didn’t. Lois: I heard it – no I _felt_ it! That was you! Superman: Oh, uh, well, I tried this new burrito place last night …\* Jimmy: Gosh! And then it happens: The Superfart. * * * - - Issue 94223247432957321, where Lex Luthor sprinkled Kryptonite dust in the Superburrito. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/31 "2006-04-03T21:37:52Z")
Who’s your Batman! Who’s your Batman! What? Why’d you stop? No! I said ‘who’s your bad man’. Um. I love you. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/32 "2006-04-03T21:39:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Butler Saw Everything! After reading Top Ten by Alan Moore, this no longer has the power to make me laugh. A Batman look-alike is unmasked by the police as a sadistic child-abuser, as is that universe’s version of the Justice League, who are actually a paedophile ring. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/33 "2006-04-03T23:24:03Z")
Her boss from her professional day job walks in just as Stripperella takes the stage. He couldn’t place her at first, those black rimmed glasses and button up shirts had always tricked him into thinking she was just an ordinary office assistant. As her cartoon-like proportions popped out of her dress and she sauntered around the pole, they made eye contact. She didn’t know whether to be mortified or keep going, he didn’t know if he could look away… To be continued… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/34 "2006-04-04T00:54:59Z")
I’m thinking of some kinda’ Pee Wee Herman storyline here. Superhero gets caught by police in a Super-X rated movie place. But this time it’s more than just a civilian identity that gets -um- “exposed.” Somebody help me flesh out (Oooops!) the details. I’m thinking that someone like Supes, or anyone with super-speed could get out of it. Anyone have an idea which other super-dudes WOULD BE good candidates? And pick one? And complete the essential plot? * * * TBJ ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/35 "2006-04-04T01:00:28Z")
[QUOTE=Raguleader] In the bathroom, you get caught in your zipper, and you have to call the paramedics, who find your costume underneath your clothes. [/QUOTE] Along those lines, walking out of a restroom with toilet paper hanging out of your pants? (Female preferred.) OR… OR… Or you’re the class nerd in your secret ID. And to go with your (secret) ATOMIC VISION, you get an ATOMIC W- … You know the rest. * * * True Blue Jack ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/36 "2006-04-04T01:44:19Z")
:: wildly applauds **HeadNinja** :: Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/37 "2006-04-04T10:21:46Z")
Asking a sales clerk in the supermarket for krypronite-free shampoo. Sales Clerk puts two and two together… Fantastic Four member making out with girlfriend, while in a clinch absentmindedly mutters, “oh baby, you turn my flame on”… mm ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/38 "2006-04-04T11:31:55Z")
Having your civilian clothes shot off in front of your coworkers by a bunch of flying, machine gun-toting puppets would be pretty darn embarassing, don’tcha think…? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/39 "2006-04-04T12:34:00Z")
[QUOTE=Case Sensitive] **Three Former “Wards” Allege Offences Date Back To 1940’s** [/QUOTE] If Batman had started this in the 1940’s when he was 20, that would make him in his 80’s now. Next stop: Anna Nicole Smith ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904/40 "2006-04-04T13:50:35Z")
_One Dark Night on the Cityopolishamvilletown skyline_: **SuperMaskedUltimateGuy:** For the last time, vile miscreant, put down that nuclear reactor before somebody gets hurt! **Baron Anathemax von Dread:** You’re too late this time, drippy. The Directorate of Fear™ has won! **Unidentified Voice:** Howie…Howie… **SMUG:** Oh, no… **BVD:** What’s that? Who’s there? **SMUG:** Uh, nothing. Nobody. **UV:** Howie…it’s dinnertime… **BVD:** It sounds like somebody’s mother. **SMUG:** Um, yeah, probably. Listen, you were talking about your evil plan – **BVD:** Why would some kid’s mom be calling him to dinner from the top of a steel transmitting tower in an electrical storm? **SMUG:**'Cause moms are _stupid_, that’s why! **BVD:** What? **UV:** I heard that! **SMUG:** Look, just never mind. Hey, you wanna shoot me with your new incineray? I won’t even duck, I promise. **UV:** _Howard Phineas Jeremy Strongbranch, you get off that scaffolding and come home to dinner this instant_! **BVD:** Hey, that’s _your_ mom, isn’t it … _Howard_? **SMUG:** Don’t call me that. **SMUGMom:** We’re having creamed chipped beef on toast – now don’t you let it get cold! **SMUG:** Oh, gag. **BVD:** I kinda like creamed chipped beef…_Howard_. **SMUG:** I’m warning you, don’t _call_ me that. **BVD:** I kinda like the looks of your mom, too,\* Howard \* … **SMUG:** You’re _so_ gonna get it now. (_Attacks; they grapple_) **SMUGMom:** Howard, you stop picking on your friend! Can’t you see he’s got a nuclear reactor? **BVD:** (_In a headlock_) Oh, man, I can’t _believe_ this– **SMUG:** (_Applying super-noogie_) What? **BVD:** Ow! Hee-hee…it’s your mom…she–ow! **SMUG:** (_Suspending super-noogie_) She what? **BVD:** Dude, she totally sewed your name into the lining of your cape. **SMUG:** Oh, _fudge_! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-ways-to-have-your-secret-identity-exposed/350904.md?page=3)