# Would a man actually go to these lengths to get laid? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411 "2003-08-24T23:37:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/21 "2003-08-25T04:35:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SHAKES \* > **So ladies, if your reading this; in order to save yourselves alot of time you should give a guy sex right off the bat, then if he still hangs around you know he really likes you and isn’t just feeding you full of B.S. so he can get laid. Its a win win/win situation becuase it saves both parties involved alot of time and heart ache.** I had a girlfriend like this way back when. She pursued me over the course of a day and a half and then confided that she wanted to have sex right away. Her explanation was this: Get the sex started right off the bat. Who wants to invest several weeks/months in a relationship only to find out that you’re going to have lousy sex? Then, if the other person doesn’t realize that they’re having lousy sex, you have to _continue_ it and taper it off or you’ll hurt their feelings. Find out right away and you can cut your ties with out too many hard feelings. Well… okay. Who am I to argue with that kind of logic? At least she was up front about it. She was my gf for about a year. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/22 "2003-08-25T04:44:35Z")
I hope I’m wrong (as I want to belive the best of everyone, and so, hope he is just a totla asshle and not actually evil) but it’s possible this guy is an emotional sadist. That is to say, the six weeks were not what he had to put in SO he could get laid, but part of the fun. Getting off on manipulating a woman, making her care about him, making her think he cares about her… so he can feel superior. The sex, and the immediate breakup just being the coup de grace. I don’t know…amoung other things that “slip” of his friend’s that let her know he talked about sleeping with her just seems a little odd. More like it was intended to hurt her. Sick thought but there are some sick minds out there. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/23 "2003-08-25T05:38:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by betenoir \* > \*\*I don’t know…amoung other things that “slip” of his friend’s that let her know he talked about sleeping with her just seems a little odd. More like it was intended to hurt her. > > Sick thought but there are some sick minds out there. \*\* At first I thought the friend was going to make a move on her. Instead his mission was to make her feel bad. ☹ [sup] **Sick!** [/sup] ---
**Author:** ![apricot\_syrup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@apricot\_syrup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apricot_syrup)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/24 "2003-08-25T10:26:42Z")
The sex was bad and he got out as soon as he found out. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/25 "2003-08-25T12:48:33Z")
If you want to NOT assume the worst about the guy, there is another possibility. He might have been not feeling so hot about the relationship before having sex. More or less intending to break up, but the sex opportunity came in to play and he foolishly took it. Embarassment over the situation might make him crawl into a hole and go away. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/26 "2003-08-25T16:32:36Z")
Some guys would definitely do this - I know a few who have done much worse in my opinion. I can’t however tell you what this particular guy was thinking. It’s probably best not to dwell on it. My sympathies to your friend. I hope she doesn’t take this as an indication of how all men behave. ---
**Author:** ![Dogface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Dogface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogface)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/27 "2003-08-25T17:45:47Z")
Thousands of men will go to the extent of spending hard-earned cash to have sex with women whom they have never met and know nothing about, women who are likely to be carrying lethal diseases and also possibly involved with violent criminals. There is no limit to how low some men will stoop for sex. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/28 "2003-08-25T18:25:52Z")
The fact he told a friend that he’d slept with her speaks volumes about his lack of character. I’d say yeah, he was just trying to get laid. Also, it almost sounds like the friend was suggesting a little rendevous himself. If so, he either got the okay from the guy or, unsurprisingly, is equally trashy. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/29 "2003-08-25T18:46:27Z")
My guess is that his feelings for her were already cooling before they had sex, but once he’d invested several weeks dating her he held out so that he’d have something to show for it. Some guys are big into the number game – dating someone for several weeks without getting to increment your number is thus a waste of time. Once you’ve had sex there’s no incentive to keep dating, unless you actually like the person or the sex was really good. This is all a very wordy way of saying he’s a total dick. She’s better off without him. Sadly, there’s not much she can do to avoid such people in the future – just like serial killers, they look a lot like regular people. Tell her not to get bitter or discouraged and keep trying to find someone nice. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/30 "2003-08-25T18:51:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dogface \* > \*\*Thousands of men will go to the extent of spending hard-earned cash to have sex with women whom they have never met and know nothing about, women who are likely to be carrying lethal diseases and also possibly involved with violent criminals. \*\* In this case, it seems to me that the woman was the one who should be worried about all of that stuff. The man did her wrong, not the other way around. He wasn’t soliciting a prostitute, but dating a woman who seemed to have good intentions. You make it sound like he’s the victim. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/31 "2003-08-25T19:58:57Z")
\*\* SHAKES\*\* has my vote for best way to avoid it!! I think it had to be the “notch on the bedpost theory”. Courting her up, then after he nails the hide to the wall, he tells his buddy…who appears to be wanting to get a little as well…and even tells him \* THE SONG\*??? This is the nail in the coffin (or hide, as it were). Didn’t just pass on the fact that he laid her, but went into quite a bit of detail. The friend evidently knew that the guy had no further plans on her. Wouldn’t want to risk getting his ass kicked if he ruined the relationship by humming “their song”, trying to hedge in on the guys action. The guy and the friend knew this would be the blow off for the guy…if the friend got lucky, so much the better (for them, not her). What was \* THE SONG\*??? ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/32 "2003-08-25T20:58:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fairblue \* > \*\*Groucho Marx said that, not Woody Allen. > > Just so you know. 🙂 \*\* Heh! OK, I believe you; thanks. [“I didn’t say he said it FIRST…”](http://umweb3.unitedmedia.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20030817.html) ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/33 "2003-08-25T21:05:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by suezeekay \* > \*\*Okay, I’m much older now and I am removed many years from the man/woman game, but I just can’t believe a man would do this. am I naive? The story: > > …Tell me the truth men.😕 \*\* A GREAT book to read which helps explain a lot of that type of behaviour (and NO, it’s not a 'man bashing" book despite the title) is: 101 Lies Men Tell Women; And Why We Believe Them. And yes, according to every writer on “why do guys do this” that I’ve read, icnluding the three guys who wrote the book about the real story on single men (dammnit, I’m having stupid moments thanks to that time of month), and such writers on sexuality and the “man/woman” thing as: Erica Jong Barbara DeAngelis The “Mayflower Madam” (hey!!! who’d know more about men that a hooker? :D) and so many others that are escaping me at the moment. It’s very possible for men to go through scenarios “just to get laid” ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/34 "2003-08-25T22:21:11Z")
some men have gotten married because it was the only way they could have sex with the women they wanted. of course the marriages didn’t work out so well… ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/35 "2003-08-26T03:36:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Indygrrl \* > \*\*In this case, it seems to me that the woman was the one who should be worried about all of that stuff. The man did her wrong, not the other way around. He wasn’t soliciting a prostitute, but dating a woman who seemed to have good intentions. You make it sound like he’s the victim. \*\* I believe you missed the intent of DogFace’s post. I didn’t see as in any way trying to elicit sympathy for the guy, but rather as an illustration of how good sense is sometimes overruled by lust. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/36 "2003-08-26T17:24:54Z")
Sometimes? Try constantly. There are **no** lengths to which some men will not go to get laid. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/37 "2003-08-26T19:20:07Z")
I didn’t even read the OP but speaking from personal experience, whatever it was the answer is yes. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/38 "2003-08-26T19:25:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drachillix \* > \*\*As a one time (ok many times) dog of a male I believe I can shed some light on this. > > She most likely was not the only woman he was involved with. In the days when I was more interested in my freedom than anyones feelings it was far from unknown for me to be talking to, chatting up, “courting” if you will 3-6 different women at a time. Usually only 1 or 2 were anything marginally intimate. Since I did most of this via internet personals it was a simple matter to chat with 2-3 at a time, sometimes 1 on the phone and 2 different ones in chat. > > In this way what appeared to be patience could have just as easily been the time constraints and scheduling problems of a very active single man. > > The funny thing about “rules” girls trying to avoid the “dogs” is they are actually easy targets because of their strict scheduling and contact restrictions. Smart, organized, him hos are scary things. > > The low accountability of a relatively new guy makes this even easier. You know very little about his work schedule, familial obligations, friends, etc. “Going out with the guys” could just as easily land him in the bed of another woman for the night and the guys were never even part of the plan. \*\* Holy shit…not to hi-jack but that totally opens MY eyes. ---
**Author:** ![suezeekay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@suezeekay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suezeekay)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/39 "2003-08-27T04:48:11Z")
Thanks CanvasShoes. I’m going to amazon now and sending her the book. It is a very different world out there from when I was in the game. The biggest change is that families used to live in the same town and if you dated someone you usually knew someone who knew someone who knew them. I guess you almost have to get a private investigator involved before you go too far in a relationship. Very sad. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411/40 "2003-08-27T05:35:18Z")
You’re welcome, I’ve read at least a hundred “men/women/communication/relationships, blah, blah blah” type books. I think this was just RIGHT on. Sorry to sound like an advertisement. Not that other books haven’t been helpful, but I just found myself saying “AHA!!” And “so THAT’S why that happens” etc etc. I wish she’d named it something a bit less “accusatory” sounding though. I adore men. And this isn’t an “those evil liars and cheaters” type book. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-man-actually-go-to-these-lengths-to-get-laid/197411.md?page=3)