# Would a mod please address the line separating IRL vs board relationships on the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 18, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029 "2003-05-18T06:49:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/61 "2003-05-20T18:42:39Z")
the BBQ a crutch? It is an extremely valid tool on these boards. It is a great oppertunity for debate, where one doesn’t feel constrained by the ettiquite of GD or GQ. While the current situation might be a bit ugly, it is rare that it takes a turn like that. It is the fault of two protagonists in that thread. There should be no real rule about what to discuss regarding IRL, other than what common sense dictates. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/62 "2003-05-20T18:47:00Z")
Huh? It’s not a debate forum, this one notwithstanding. It’s a bitching forum. It’s never been presented as any kind of debate. Argument, yes. But never debate. Huge difference. I don’t think this is about one or two threads. The forum’s been the way it is for as long as I’ve been here. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/63 "2003-05-20T19:12:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*Huh? It’s not a debate forum, this one notwithstanding. It’s a bitching forum. It’s never been presented as any kind of debate. > > Argument, yes. But never debate. Huge difference. > > I don’t think this is about one or two threads. The forum’s been the way it is for as long as I’ve been here. \*\* **With no intention of being snarky** , I must ask based on your numerous posts in this thread: why are you posting in the Pit if you dislike it so much? I personally gave up on GD a while back. I had seen way too many threads devolve way too quickly. Rather then get frustrated, I simply don’t go there anymore. I let those who enjoy it stay there while I avoid it. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean that others shouldn’t have the opportunity. How is this any different then your TV? Don’t like Fox New Channel or CNN or Lifetime? Don’t watch them. Why should the vast majority of the people that do like the Pit and recognize the valuable function it serves be denied the Pit because you don’t like it? If it is annoying or serves no purpose in your estimation maybe the easiest course is to simply avoid it. As you know there is always lots of interesting stuff going on here. I don’t miss the strife of GD at all- too much other good stuff going on. * * * As to the OP’s topic: the only pet peeve I have is the Troll Defense Squad that arises after Poster X is banned and claims that “Poster X was never a jerk at SuperDuperDrunkenDoperFest 2002.” Or “Poster Y who has been Banned for a year for being a Jerk, should be reinstated because they were nice off-line”. Who gives a rat’s ass. It is your conduct here that matters. Sure some of the Jerks only let their inner-Dr. Hyde out when they are loaded with keyboard courage, but that is the only time we are exposed to them. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/64 "2003-05-20T19:30:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > \*\ ***With no intention of being snarky** , I must ask based on your numerous posts in this thread: why are you posting in the Pit if you dislike it so much? \*\* No snarkiness taken. I’m posting in this thread because it’s interesting - in fact, it’s something that really does involve the entire message board, unlike most threads in this forum. I would have posted to this thread no matter what forum it was in. I came across it because I click View New Posts and visit threads that look interesting, usually ignoring the forum. > [@](#): > > How is this any different then your TV? Don’t like Fox New Channel or CNN or Lifetime? Don’t watch them. Why should the vast majority of the people that do like the Pit and recognize the valuable function it serves be denied the Pit because you don’t like it? It would be awfully dumb for people to be denied something because one person doesn’t like it. So I hope that’s not the case. The purpose this forum may serve is negligible, anyway. It is, for the most part, a forum in which people can be hateful to anyone they want, often regardless of such trifles as the facts. I guess I don’t understand why such ignorance would be encouraged. > [@](#): > > As to the OP’s topic: the only pet peeve I have is the Troll Defense Squad that arises after Poster X is banned and claims that “Poster X was never a jerk at SuperDuperDrunkenDoperFest 2002.” Or “Poster Y who has been Banned for a year for being a Jerk, should be reinstated because they were nice off-line”. Who gives a rat’s ass. Amen to that. > [@](#): > > It is your conduct here that matters. Sure some of the Jerks only let their inner-Dr. Hyde out when they are loaded with keyboard courage, but that is the only time we are exposed to them. And amen to that, too. Thankfully, that’s the limit of our exposure - a message board. And I suppose the mature way to react would be to keep the proper perspective and realize that when all is said and done, what goes on in these threads for the most part doesn’t matter offline - life goes on. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/65 "2003-05-20T19:34:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*The AOL days are long, long gone. Four years later, and that outlet is now a full-fledged crutch. \*\* Gone, but gladly not forgotten. We haven’t changed any since then, and we’re growing much faster than we ever have before. Both newbies and oldsters want to share bad experiences _with the people here_. People they, for the most part, enjoy and respect. In other words, people who are not always going to visit a LiveJournal (BTW, have _you_ ever tried to get an LJ code?). _That_ is why we have The Pit. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/66 "2003-05-20T20:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr Sherbet \* > \*\*How can you ask me not flame someone in the pit because they scratched my car just because it was a member of the board? \*\* Nothing. Did you read this thread at all before posting? The issue is whether or not it is acceptable to bring IRL disagreements into threads about on board behavior. This started over a thread where someone’s posting style was criticized. A bit later in the thread people started saying things like “I’ve met him. He’s an ass in real life too.” This is the issue. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/67 "2003-05-20T21:36:35Z")
I didn’t read anything but the OP, and I’m short on time at the moment, so I just wanted to jump in and say … “guilty.” It was bad form. I regret posting my last post in The Thread That Shall Not Be Named. I’d like to put the whole thing behind me, but I’m afraid that my and others’ words and actions have burned a few bridges. You live, you learn. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/68 "2003-05-20T21:51:24Z")
What a quaint and novel idea. We could maybe act like adults? Wouldn’t that be a new role for some people. I agree with **Euty** one hundred percent. We should be able to control this ourselves without moderators at all. Just remember before you post something, think to yourself how you would feel if another doper posted the same post about you that you are about to post about someone else? ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/69 "2003-05-20T22:59:10Z")
Hi. Let me ask a sincere question to the Mods. Why aren’t trainwreck threads closed when they are just a couple of pages long? Why does it seem that they go on for 5 pages or more before finally the cry of the masses is heard that the thread is mean spirited and they are finally closed? The Thread That Shall Not Be Named had a moderator weigh in on page 2 when it had already crossed the line from constructive pitting to mean so why did it continue for 3 more pages? deb ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/70 "2003-05-20T23:54:52Z")
actually, his real life demeanour was brought in by someone postulating that he vents on the boards so that he doesn’t have to do so on the boards. that assumption was corrected. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/71 "2003-05-20T23:57:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > \*\*Gone, but gladly not forgotten. We haven’t changed any since then, and we’re growing much faster than we ever have before. Both newbies and oldsters want to share bad experiences _with the people here_. People they, for the most part, enjoy and respect. In other words, people who are not always going to visit a LiveJournal (BTW, have _you_ ever tried to get an LJ code?). > > _That_ is why we have The Pit. \*\* Are you sure we’ve not changed at all? The board as a whole has most certainly changed; it’s strayed a little from being dependent on the columns to being a supplement to them. My impression is that the boards no longer revolve around the columns, whereas they once did. Or maybe they didn’t, even in the AOL days. Yes, I tried to get an LJ code, and wasn’t successful. I did browse a few of them, though, and I’ll never return. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/72 "2003-05-21T23:14:44Z")
Ah, but are we allowed to bring board squabbles into our real life? That’s the question! 😃 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/73 "2003-05-22T00:42:02Z")
What is this “real life” of which you speak? 😉 Seriously, I never understood the whole, “The Pit is MEAN, let’s do away with it.” I mean, really-who the hell is holding a gun to your head, forcing you to read it? I’ve been to boards that didn’t have an outlet for fights and stuff-and you know what? The veiled hostility really sucked. Get it out in the open, let it ooze out like a lanced abscess and then get on with it, that’s what I say. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/74 "2003-05-22T00:43:42Z")
Yup, open hostility is always better. Bring it on, I say. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/75 "2003-05-22T01:53:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*Ah, but are we allowed to bring board squabbles into our real life? That’s the question! 😃 > > Esprix \*\* A while back, one poster announced his intent not to attend any Dopefests at which a certain other poster would be found. That didn’t go over too well. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029/76 "2003-05-22T02:02:05Z")
Since no one else seems to hold the same opinion I do on this subject, I’ll have to conclude that I’m in a distinct minority (it may be a minority of one). That said, I couldn’t be true to my own convictions if I didn’t state my opinion - trifling though it may seem. Well, it was an offhand remark, and maybe I shouldn’t have made it, but there you go. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-a-mod-please-address-the-line-separating-irl-vs-board-relationships-on-the-sdmb/176029.md?page=3)