# Would humans make good pets? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115 "2009-11-11T00:37:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/41 "2009-11-13T00:44:32Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > And sexual maturity is going to be a bigger problem for human pets than for most animals. Not if there’s an active spay/neuter organization on the planet Zog. One worry would be if AETH (Aliens for the Ethical Treatment of Humans) was taken seriously, and all domesticated humans were released into the wild to fend for themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/42 "2009-11-13T00:48:12Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > "Are we going to the park? I think we’re going to the park! YES! I’m so excited! Hey, hey Xyzzzik! hey HEY! there’s another human in that other hovership! Hey Other Human! FUCK YOU! :mad: " Hmmm…we seem to be polar opposites. My inclination would be more along the lines of “Hey Other Human, help me kill these sumbitches.” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/43 "2009-11-13T01:13:47Z")
Are the other species a race of cat people? If so, I’m in, I owe them some. I am totally going to: eat food off of their plates when they aren’t looking, just barely miss pooping in the provided receptacle, vomit frequently and for no discernible reason, run across their testicles at full speed in the middle of the night, try to lay down on top of their faces when they are sleeping, stare at a blank spot on the wall and scream for long periods of time, act like I want affection and then act snooty and offended when it is offered, shred their decorative plants, shove any small unsecured items under the refrigerator, attempt to trip them when they are walking, try even harder to trip them when they are walking with a heavy but delicate object, knock their knickknacks over, hope for male pattern baldness so I can leave hair everywhere, escape only to triumphantly return and gift them with part of a small dead animal, attack their feet when they are under a blanket, and just generally be a neurotic pain in the ass at every turn. All this while leaving no doubt in their mind that, were I capable of doing so, I would eat them after a long bout of terrifying torture. So yeah, a lousy pet. But they will love me anyway either because I’m cute or because there is a parasite in their brain that makes them love me, either of those works for me. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/44 "2009-11-13T15:00:36Z")
> [@omgzebras](#): > > Are the other species a race of cat people? If so, I’m in, I owe them some. The problem is that they’d be these [cat people](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kzin). Run across their testicles and they’d be feasting on yours for breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/45 "2009-11-13T16:18:14Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Hmmm…we seem to be polar opposites. My inclination would be more along the lines of “Hey Other Human, help me kill these sumbitches.” 🆒 Yes, but that’s because you’re a wild human, not a tame human. The likes of you would have to be kept in a zoo, and the keepers would be very careful to never put their tentacles inside the bars. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/46 "2009-11-13T16:44:35Z")
I believe I would be a very good “pampered pet”. I am ready to start any time. I would be a very poor 'working animal." ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/47 "2009-11-13T16:45:15Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Hmmm…we seem to be polar opposites. My inclination would be more along the lines of “Hey Other Human, help me kill these sumbitches.” 🆒 …“but before we do, fancy a quickie”? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/48 "2009-11-13T17:44:26Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > No, no, no, you don’t want pet humans. I tried raising a couple from birth and it seemed like years before I could get them to stop pooping and peeing at inappropriate times. And if you try to leave them alone while you go to work they will scream so much that the neighbors will call the cops. Well done, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/49 "2009-11-13T22:27:17Z")
Keeping a human as a pet? My wife says it isn’t hard after the first year. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/50 "2009-11-14T00:19:17Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Yes, but that’s because you’re a wild human, not a tame human. The likes of you would have to be kept in a zoo, and the keepers would be very careful to never put their tentacles inside the bars. With your permission, my new sig… ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/51 "2009-11-14T08:58:22Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Keeping a human as a pet? > > My wife says it isn’t hard after the first year. > > Regards, > Shodan Well, then; she’s a lucky woman. I couldn’t train mine after five years and we’re no longer living together. Did she give you treats, accolades? What’s her secret? ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115/52 "2009-11-17T15:53:22Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Well, then; she’s a lucky woman. I couldn’t train mine after five years and we’re no longer living together. Did she give you treats, accolades? What’s her secret? Just a wild guess y’unnerstand but I’m betting on BJs. Lots and lots of BJs [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-humans-make-good-pets/517115.md?page=2)