# Would it bother you if a gay friend sees you (or your wife/parnter) breastfeed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952 "2011-06-10T04:37:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/41 "2011-06-10T17:38:18Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > There is some middle ground between “no sexual reaction whatsoever” and “so aroused they can’t control themselves”. I mean, I tend to agree with you that breastfeeding is not at all sexual, but if a woman didn’t want a heterosexual man to see her breastfeeding, she might just be concerned that he would see her in a sexual light, not that he would actually attempt to overpower her. You’ve made it sound like anyone not wanting to breastfeed in front of the opposite sex is hysterically afraid of rape: it could be just a generalized discomfort with sexual boundaries. I agree. I rarely wear clothes that ‘expose too much’ because I don’t want men to be thinking about sex when they see me. I do want men to think I’m attractive, though. It’s not about fear of rape. It’s about sending messages. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/42 "2011-06-10T17:42:05Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > This actually made me think of men who don’t want to shower with gay men. It’s often decried as homophobia, but women probably don’t want to shower with men (er…you know what I mean), right? > > Personally, I think breastfeeding is RARELY done discreetly in public, so I kind of applaud your wife here. > > btw, some men do get turned on by breastfeeding. You know, by definition, you really don’t see breastfeeding when it is done discreetly. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/43 "2011-06-10T17:43:04Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I swear, I never said a thing, and they didn’t seem to notice my discomfiture, for they kept doing it, but I can’t help that it makes me uncomfortable to see a breast I normally wouldn’t see. But then breastfeeding raises no motherly instinct in me and I am not particularly enamored of babies, so I don’t have that to soften it I suppose. That would squig me too, and I breastfed my own kids for a total of six years or so. It might be a regional thing or just particular to those two ladies, but I’ve never really seen anyone doing the whole “whip out the tits” thing when nursing around here. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/44 "2011-06-10T17:43:49Z")
I’m female and of course it wouldn’t bother me. I want to have kids, and I intend to breastfeed them, and I doubt I will be coy about it. No need to let everything hang out (I have seen many mothers breastfeed, without a cover, without once actually seeing their breast), but I don’t think it’s necessary to cover the baby with a blanket or leave the room, either. Anyone who sees me with my future infant(s) will likely see me breastfeed, male and female, gay and straight. I’ll probably get nasty with straight guys if they act pervy about it, though. FWIW I don’t consider nudity or boobs inherently sexual, although people’s reactions to both can be (sometimes unreasonably IMO), and breast-feeding is absolutely non-sexual, whether someone glimpses a lactating boob or not. And I’m not self-conscious about my body. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/45 "2011-06-10T17:54:45Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > That would squig me too, and I breastfed my own kids for a total of six years or so. It might be a regional thing or just particular to those two ladies, but I’ve never really seen anyone doing the whole “whip out the tits” thing when nursing around here. One of them is my SO’s sister-in-law. That made all of us uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/46 "2011-06-10T18:25:02Z")
It wouldn’t bother me if a straight male friend, a straight female friend, a lesbian friend, or a gay male friend saw my wife breastfeeding. I have many sisters and cousins and am inured to the idea. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/47 "2011-06-10T19:42:10Z")
I breastfed both my kids in public all the time, in front of whoever happened to be there, and until the kids were nearly two years old. I agree that it can be done discreetly without the use of additional blankets or covers. In fact, I think using those covers makes it _more_ obvious what you’re doing. The vast majority of my friends also breastfed in public, and were modest about it. I can only think of one person who flashes boob everywhere, but she’s generally not a person who’s especially concerned with tact. I suspect she does it, at least in part, to get a reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/48 "2011-06-10T19:51:20Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > There is some middle ground between “no sexual reaction whatsoever” and “so aroused they can’t control themselves”. I mean, I tend to agree with you that breastfeeding is not at all sexual, but if a woman didn’t want a heterosexual man to see her breastfeeding, she might just be concerned that he would see her in a sexual light, not that he would actually attempt to overpower her. You’ve made it sound like anyone not wanting to breastfeed in front of the opposite sex is hysterically afraid of rape: it could be just a generalized discomfort with sexual boundaries. I was exaggerating. ---
**Author:** ![Neeps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a183cd/32.png) [@Neeps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neeps)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/49 "2011-06-10T19:59:25Z")
I breastfed in front of my father in law, and if I managed that without discomfort, I could do it in front of anyone - gay, straight or anywhere in between. I found it hard to do it completely discreetly (due to size of boobies, wriggling baby and general technique), but even then, I don’t think anyone really caught a glimpse of anything worth noting. I’m pretty sure it was a non-event for most people I was with. In my mind, anyway, to the breastfeeding mother, breasts become something distinctly non-sexual for the duration of feeding, and it’s such a necessity to, well, get them out, that if someone were to accidentally see a flash of flesh it’s just something that you need ignore while you get on with the very important task at hand. Nipples are nipples, and if we’re being honest with ourselves, we all have them. I think your wife is just very modest. Which is fine, but I don’t think that most women are quite that modest (at least not the ones I know). ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/50 "2011-06-10T19:59:54Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Your wife doesn’t breastfeed in front of male friends? What, is she whipping out her boobs and shouting ‘PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO MY NIPPLES!’ or something? Breastfeeding barely shows any flesh. This is what I was thinking. That said, I didn’t typically latch on in front of male friends because I just didn’t have the skill to get the baby on the boob without flashing everyone in a ten-foot radius. Instead, I’d stand up and turn my back, whip it out, latch the baby on, cover what I could within reason, then turn back around. That said, I think breastfeeding is different from one social situation to another and whether you care if you have an audience can depend on how difficult it is to get the boob out and tuck it back in, how quiet it is and how likely the baby is to be distracted. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/51 "2011-06-10T20:04:13Z")
Female here and it would not bother me in the least. When I had my kid I would hide away to breastfeed whenever anyone was around. After a few months I got over that modesty and would feed the kid when she was hungry. It didn’t matter who saw. A new mom and baby are still learning how to deal with the whole boob thing, but after a while the kinks get worked out and you can do it without drawing attention to yourself. The only time I was slightly uncomfortable was when the kid decided that the cover was no good and threw it off just as she detached. Some friends caught a very brief flash, but in the grand scheme of things no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/52 "2011-06-10T20:21:01Z")
I’m female… and pretty much everyone in the entire metropolitan area musta seen me breastfeed one or the other of the kids. I was discreet - didn’t whip it out and waggle my bare boob at anyone - but that kid got fed wherever we happened to be. Only time it bugged me was a creepy male co-worker at my husband’s office. I was sitting at my husband’s desk (in a large open area) and he made a point of coming over and talking to me and staring while I fed the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/53 "2011-06-10T20:41:12Z")
How odd. Of course I would breastfeed in front of male friends (gay or straight) or female friends (gay or straight). Why not? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/54 "2011-06-11T14:31:02Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > This actually made me think of men who don’t want to shower with gay men. It’s often decried as homophobia, but women probably don’t want to shower with men (er…you know what I mean), right? A cousin of mine was the first female soccer referee in Spain; refs would get their own dressing room but there generally was a single shower in it and no possibility of privacy (this was at the lower leagues but I doubt the arrangements are more complicated in the higher ones - the room may be bigger but that’s it). She was bemused by how the two guys would go all sorts of colors between “high blush” and “beetle red”, _she_ had no problem with it. Then again, she likely wouldn’t have gotten there in the first place if she was expecting to have a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952/55 "2011-06-12T14:14:40Z")
It would bother me deeply to have anyone watch me breastfeed, but that is because I don’t currently have breasts. Seriously though, as a hypothetical it wouldn’t bother me if somebody saw my future wife breastfeeding. My current GF seems self-conscious though, so I’m guessing it might bother her no matter who it was. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-if-a-gay-friend-sees-you-or-your-wife-parnter-breastfeed/584952.md?page=2)