# Would it bother you to date someone who had the same surname as you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2012, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020 "2012-06-04T11:06:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Snupzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Snupzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snupzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/61 "2012-06-06T04:16:06Z")
I’ve never met or heard of anyone (except through googleing) with my surname that isn’t very closely related to me. Since it’s so rare I’d find it a bit weird. If my name was Jones or Johnson it probably wouldn’t be an issue. Slightly off topic though I have actually seen some one hyphenate their married name and maiden name , which were the same. I can’t see the logic in that. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/62 "2012-06-06T13:13:41Z")
No, it wouldn’t bother me, assuming it weren’t actually incestuous/illegal. I have a somewhat uncommon last name, so the odds are we’d be related to some distant degree, but that in and of itself wouldn’t be a dealbreaker. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/63 "2012-06-07T04:13:16Z")
Absolutely not. My birth name is an extremely uncommon variant of an uncommon surname, which arose as an American-izing of an Irish surname when a particular branch came over to escape the Potato Famine. Given the distribution of daughters, the most distant relative I know of with this name is a second cousin once removed, and the only male I know of who’s anywhere near my age already has a very nice boyfriend. 🙂 Also, every last one I’ve ever met is effin’ crazy. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/64 "2012-06-07T04:18:51Z")
There’s a gorgeous young actress whose first name is the same as my last. I’d definitely date the hell out of that. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/65 "2012-06-07T13:43:35Z")
As far as I know, the only people with whom I share a surname are in my immediate family. ETA: Google has just proven me wrong. Interesting! ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/66 "2012-06-07T15:04:58Z")
I did once. My friends knew her friends, and they all thought it would be cool to set us up on a date. Checking just now there’s about 700 people in the USA with my last name. We’re rare. We all went to the movies and dinner as a big group, but it was clear I didn’t do anything for her, and I never saw her again! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/67 "2012-06-07T19:15:15Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Well, for a start it gives everyone the opportunity to joke about how you’re soooo going to marry him when you go on the first date, as I found out last week 😉 > > I think it would bother me if a guy shared my maiden name, even if I knew logically he was no relation of mine and didn’t show up on the family tree, it would still be likely that we shared a great-great-great-etc-grandad at some point in the past. That’s well past the point at which genetics are even remotely a concern, at least. Of course, the arguments over whether you’re going to take his name upon marriage might devolve into the absurd… Or not - would you rather Mary Jane Smith or Mary Smith Smith :). ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/68 "2012-06-07T21:03:07Z")
There was a hottie in high school with the same last name as me. I totally would have hit that! (Sadly, by the time I got over being shy, he was in a LTR.) As long as you know it’s not your cousin, why not? ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/69 "2012-06-07T22:22:52Z")
My real surname is really common, so I think I’d be OK with it. It’s not like I don’t ever have crushes on certain singers with that last name… But honestly, I would still find it a little bit weird. Not because I’d think “Oh, we’re related!” but because I’d think about name confusion bothering other people somehow. So I’d be very aware of it, mainly. So it wouldn’t bother me _much._ ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/70 "2012-06-07T22:28:39Z")
It would make me hesitant. Being Italian, it is very possible that I could be dating a relative (damn Catholics breeding without birth control). And while Incest might be a game the whole family can play, its one I am not interested in playing ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/71 "2012-06-07T22:28:54Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Naw, it wouldn’t bother me. It’s my first name that is uncommon. My last name is pretty standard. In fact, the idea that it might be incest never crossed my mind. Is it really that common not to know your cousins? My dad’s oldest brother had 8 kids by several different women when he was last heard from in 1977. By now I could have _dozens_ of cousins I’ve never met. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/72 "2012-06-08T04:37:13Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > I know my first cousins, but any more distant than that, and I would pass them on the street as total strangers. Interesting. I might not know someone was my second cousin, but I do know all my great-aunts and uncles, so I can easily find out. There are at least a couple hot second cousins in my family that don’t even have the same last name as me, and I learned we were related within the day I met them. Plus, when I asked the question, I was only thinking first cousins, as that’s the genetic limit, but, on reflection second cousin/first cousin once removed would bother me, too. No further would bother me unless I knew the family in between or if I’d grown up with them. But I’m guessing a lot of you have problems with more distant relations. I guess I do have a little bit of hillbilly in me, after all. EDIT: Then again, my name is so common that I’ve not really ever had to think about it. Especially since none of my family with my same last name lives around here. I’d be more likely to run into a problem with people with my mother’s or maternal grandmother’s original last names. And there’s absolutely no way a last name of Jones tells me anything, for example ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/73 "2012-06-08T07:07:47Z")
My last name is also used as a first name. Dating someone whose first name is my last name might be…odd. Maybe it would be cool. Puts him taking my last name in marriage out of the question. Also my last name is not my father’s birth name, so I’m not genetically related to anyone with that name except in my immediate family. Plus I’m gay so incest is more of a squicky concern than a genetic one. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/74 "2012-06-08T08:45:21Z")
I actually did in college. It was a time for experimentation. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/75 "2012-06-08T09:39:11Z")
Everyone with my last name is a relative. _Everyone._ ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/76 "2012-06-08T14:13:10Z")
My last name is not that common, but according [to this site](http://family-names.findthedata.org/), I share it with 30,000 people. Interesting site. It seems to have close to 126,000 last names, with an average of 1,900 people per last name. It doesn’t list my friend’s very rare last name, so there may be more. Back to me, my father was an only son, his father was an only son and his father was the only son who had a boy, so we’re talking fourth cousins, at best. I have yet to meet anyone else with my last name in Japan (with the exceptions of my children and when my mother came to visit). ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/77 "2012-06-09T05:12:07Z")
> [@TokyoPlayer](#): > > My last name is not that common, but according [to this site](http://family-names.findthedata.org/), That’s an awesome site. According to that, there are just over 300 people with my surname in the US. Judging from the listings, most of them are in generations older than mine. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/78 "2012-06-09T17:59:17Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > My dad’s oldest brother had 8 kids by several different women when he was last heard from in 1977. By now I could have _dozens_ of cousins I’ve never met. I have cousins I’ve never met. But they don’t have the same last name. So the name thing doesn’t indicate much. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/79 "2012-06-09T19:28:23Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > I have cousins I’ve never met. But they don’t have the same last name. So the name thing doesn’t indicate much. A cousin and a second cousin of mine dated each other once. They were second cousins to each other as well. Here’s the odd bit. They didn’t know they were related at the time. Our family was split by the partition of India in 1947. They had never met, and our parents had never met their cousins in India. Travel was difficult in the 1930s and 40s and impossible after for many years. These two met professionally in New York City. One was an ER doctor and the other was a clinical psychologist who used to sign-off on involuntary psych holds and such. I had visited the second cousin once as a child, when travel between Pakistan and India became easier in the 1980s. My cousin told me her name, but it is a very common one. Only when I went to New York to visit my cousing and met her did I realize that it was the same person (she was twelve years older, but I recognized her immediately). They were completely squicked out. They stopped dating right after that. The same guy ended up marrying someone else a few years later, that I found out I had known very well as a child. I was the best man at the wedding and her cousin, the maid of honor, was someone I used to play with as small children, and kept in touch with until we were in high school. When I got to New York for the wedding, you could have knocked me over with a feather. “This is my fiance XYZ and her maid of honor ABC.” _awkward silence, then giggles_ “We’ve already met.” _my cousin and I look at each other_ “Not again, dude.” “Shut up.” Found out that his fiance knew nothing about his relationship with his second cousin. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020/80 "2012-06-09T19:48:35Z")
I’ve never met or heard of anyone with the same last name as me that isn’t actually related to me. So if I did it’d be a little weird. But if I could be reasonably sure that they aren’t my first cousin or something I wouldn’t give fucks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-bother-you-to-date-someone-who-had-the-same-surname-as-you/624020.md?page=5)