# Would It Piss You Off If Your Child's Teacher Did This? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 7, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550 "2011-09-07T23:08:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/1 "2011-09-07T23:08:49Z")
My youngest son, 12, is in 7th grade in a special-needs classroom that he stays in for all but one period of the day, PE. He has always had some kind of special needs of one type or another, so I am always geared up to watch out for him and make sure that he is being treated fairly. Maybe having to be that way for him skews my perspective on perfectly normal events and issues, so I will ask the minions- would this piss you off, or is it just me? In this classroom where my son is almost all day, there is one main teacher and a few aides. He was also in this same room with this same teacher last year and had no problems with anyone. But the other day, he came home and told me that his teacher had informed the class, of 10 or 11 kids that all have some sort of special needs, that she had gone to the doctor and he told her that the kids in the class were causing her too much stress, and that if it didn’t stop, she would die. I tried to understand from him exactly what was it that she said- did she specifically say it was the kids’ behavior, or just her job in general, or what? He said that she made it perfectly clear it was the kids and the way they acted that was going to kill her. Now, WTF? I see this as an extremely shitty thing to say to a bunch of kids, especially young kids that already have emotional or physical problems, and of course young kids can take things very literal. I do not like this. I don’t have steam blowing out of my ears or anything, but I think that a call to the school will be in order. Don’t you? Look, if my kid’s going to be guilted or emotionally manipulated, it’s going to be by me, his mother, not some asshole teacher!😛 Am I right? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/2 "2011-09-07T23:15:44Z")
Hell, I’m not even a parent and this pisses me off! Completely inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/3 "2011-09-07T23:16:00Z")
I’d laugh if I heard that, but yeah it’s fucked up. I’d probably talk to her just to school her in manners and professionalism a bit (not that it’ll have a lasting impact). ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/4 "2011-09-07T23:26:34Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Now, WTF? I see this as an extremely shitty thing to say to a bunch of kids, especially young kids that already have emotional or physical problems, and of course young kids can take things very literal. Define “emotional problems”. If you mean they act like little shits, my kneejerk reaction is that realising that acting like that hurts people they care about would be a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/5 "2011-09-07T23:29:29Z")
You need to talk to the teacher and find out what she really said. She may have used language that a 12 year old mind (special needs or not) might’ve interpreted differently than what she meant. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/6 "2011-09-07T23:30:11Z")
I’d talk to her and find out exactly what she said. Things can get lost in translation. Also, is she quitting? If she’s actually leaving her job because her doctor told her it was that or death, she’s probably wracked with guilt, and that may have lead her to say something unwise. She may have meant it more like 'I don’t want to leave you, but if I don’t, I’ll die!" And, honestly, if she was great for the last year, I’d be willing to cut her some slack. Supervising 10-11 special needs kids in a self-contained classroom is beyond tough. If she has stress levels that are taking her to the doctor, she’s obviously straining under the stress. If it were a new teacher and you thought this was typical behavior for her, I’d tell you to get out the pitchfork. But you have a year of good behavior to balance it. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/7 "2011-09-07T23:36:29Z")
> [@jasonh300](#): > > You need to talk to the teacher and find out what she really said. She may have used language that a 12 year old mind (special needs or not) might’ve interpreted differently than what she meant. You are clearly concerned about whatever occurred. I agree you should ask the teacher - but in a non-confrontational way, “My kid claimed you said something and I want to understand what you actually said?” However, there is the possibility that the teacher did blurt out those exact words in a moment of stress. I imagine their job is not easy handling a classroom of special needs kids. Heck, I remember some of the outbursts from my teachers just trying to keep control of a classroom full of NON-special needs kids! On the third hand - whatever was said seems to have sunk in with your kid, no? Maybe that was the teachers intent all along :o ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/8 "2011-09-07T23:40:50Z")
No, she’s not quitting. This is a mix of kids with everything from emotional disturbances to bullying tendencies to ADD and everything in between. If you know what an IEP is- if you have an IEP, you are assigned to this classroom. Right now, I can’t see this as anything other than a poorly-conceived attempt to gain some kind of control over these kids that she is lacking. It sounds like a desperate attempt by her to get them to “behave”. I think that I will send her an email letting her know my concern over what she said. I in no way think that this was a good idea on her part. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/9 "2011-09-07T23:49:42Z")
This is something she should have kept to herself. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/10 "2011-09-07T23:50:52Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > No, she’s not quitting. > > This is a mix of kids with everything from emotional disturbances to bullying tendencies to ADD and everything in between. If you know what an IEP is- if you have an IEP, you are assigned to this classroom. > > Right now, I can’t see this as anything other than a poorly-conceived attempt to gain some kind of control over these kids that she is lacking. It sounds like a desperate attempt by her to get them to “behave”. I think that I will send her an email letting her know my concern over what she said. I in no way think that this was a good idea on her part. I had IEPs growing up, and I was mainstreamed. Though was entitled to tutoring in the “resource room”. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/11 "2011-09-08T00:04:15Z")
At the very least, it’s inappropriate, and yeah, I’d be pretty upset. My oldest son has been in a self-contained classroom off and on, and I know how crazy and stressful it can be, but I can’t imagine one of his teachers flipping out like that. (Ok, one of them was pretty close to it, but she was just sort of killing time until retirement, and that’s not relevant here.) If you already have a decent communicative relationship with this teacher, I think an e-mail or phone call to her would be a good idea. Otherwise, I guess I’d have to be That Parent and talk to the principal. And I hate doing that. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/12 "2011-09-08T00:18:39Z")
It sounds like the teacher is losing it, one way or another. So, if the kids don’t behave properly, her life is threatened. What steps will she take to defend her life? I think a call to her higher ups is in order. Let her explain to them what she said/meant. They should be able to make a correct interpretation. hh ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/13 "2011-09-08T00:30:12Z")
First step is to confirm what exactly was said. This might include asking other parents what their kids reported, since there’s a fine line between “She said X” and “10 individuals interpreted what she said as X,” and if she did say that she might have thought better of it and try to cover her ass . . . Because that is unacceptable. IF that is what she said, it should be grounds for disciplinary action. Trying to emotionally blackmail 12yos using your mortality is sucky. Telling 12yos that they are going to kill you if they keep doing things they have little power to stop doing is not just unprofessional but fucking cruel, not to mention immature. If it’s that bad, she needs to quit, not unload it on the kids. ---
**Author:** ![Knocean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Knocean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knocean)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/14 "2011-09-08T00:40:16Z")
How did your son take it? Was he upset? Worried about being responsible for his teacher’s possible death? Definitely bad judgment on teacher’s part and I would be very upset! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/15 "2011-09-08T00:49:13Z")
LOL wtf That’s all I can say. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/16 "2011-09-08T00:59:27Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > First step is to confirm what exactly was said. This might include asking other parents what their kids reported, since there’s a fine line between “She said X” and “10 individuals interpreted what she said as X,” and if she did say that she might have thought better of it and try to cover her ass . . . > > Because that is unacceptable. IF that is what she said, it should be grounds for disciplinary action. Trying to emotionally blackmail 12yos using your mortality is sucky. Telling 12yos that they are going to kill you if they keep doing things they have little power to stop doing is not just unprofessional but fucking cruel, not to mention immature. > > If it’s that bad, she needs to quit, not unload it on the kids. Seconded. My son has an IEP, and I would exactly this. Independently verify that she did, indeed say this. If you ask her first, she may well deny it to CYA. If you can confirm her guilt, get out the pitchfork. If you can confirm she didn’t say it, then… well, I don’t know. But you know, at least, the teacher is ok. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/17 "2011-09-08T01:17:50Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > This is something she should have kept to herself. Yeah, no kidding. Anyone who would actually be tempted to say something like this to students needs to consider if teaching is still what they want to be doing. Anyone who actually _does_ say it needs to quit because they’ve gone beyond all reasonable boundries. Anyway, yes, I’d be upset. I’d be furious if someone said that to a class of typically-developing kids, never mind a SpEd class. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/18 "2011-09-08T01:18:47Z")
Sounds like that teacher chose the wrong career and needs to retire to another field. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/19 "2011-09-08T01:26:34Z")
> [@jasonh300](#): > > You need to talk to the teacher and find out what she really said. She may have used language that a 12 year old mind (special needs or not) might’ve interpreted differently than what she meant. This. Also: I’m glad I teach older kids. Today I nearly lost it and told a kid to log on to his ‘God-damned program already’ before I mark him truant for the day. :smack: eta: I’d go easier on the teacher. She has a rough job. From the sound of it, this hasn’t happened before. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550/20 "2011-09-08T01:29:24Z")
Huh? You all are kidding right? I thought America was supposed to be home of the brave, the pioneer, fearlessly going into the great unknown, not a snowflake country that withers and dies at a pretty innocuous comment. Is it the nicest thing to hear in a class room? NOPE. Is it the end of the world and enough to make me angry - not even close. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-it-piss-you-off-if-your-childs-teacher-did-this/595550.md?page=2)