# Would people with two eyes just SHUT UP! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 22, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168 "2003-01-22T05:46:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/41 "2003-01-23T06:24:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\*So, **Pucky** , wanna play Tri-Ominoes? \*\* Why, I could play that with one eye closed. ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/42 "2003-01-23T07:58:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Rieux \* > \*\*But at least he was never caught off guard– > > –because four-armed _is_ forewarned…😃 \*\* Huh? (Blinks all three eyes dumbly.) Wha …? I guess I just don’t get quadri-dexter jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/43 "2003-01-23T11:15:37Z")
Well, if you want to be equal to everyone else, go buy a Red Ryder BB gun and shoot one of your eyes out, kid. I love that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/44 "2003-01-23T12:50:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Rieux \* > \*\*But at least he was never caught off guard– > > –because four-armed _is_ forewarned…😃 \*\* No, four-armed is half an octopus. > [@](#): > > _From Futurama_– > \*\* Fry\*\*: I bet Leela’s holding out for a nice guy with one eye. > **Bender** : That’ll take forever, what she oughtta do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. > **Fry** : Yeah that’d be a time saver. > **Leela** : Do you mind? > **Bender** : Here ya go. (hands Leela a fork) You can use this as an eye poker. > **Leela** : Thank you, but I don’t care how many eyes a man has; as long as, it’s less than five. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/45 "2003-01-23T12:54:38Z")
Everyone in this thread except **Pucky** Doperville, Earth, Sent via: Via Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested Re: Cease and Desist Order I write as attorney for **Pucky Schumer** , NATO (North American Tri-Ops), and TADL (TriOps Anti-Defemation League)). As you are, no doubt, aware, much of the humor in this thread has been derogatory to triops, and, in particular, my clients. My clients have been, through the long course of human history, discriminated against, ridiculed, libelled, defamed, and their rights have been infringed upon. We have recently learned that this thread continues in that vein, and, as such, is subject to a multimillion dollar suit. Comparing us to certain bugs, hoping we cause our self harm with bb guns, and wishing electroshock therapy upon poor **Pucky** are all actionable actions, which we, and some of the Courts, take very seriously. Based upon the foregoing, we hereby demand that your confirm to us in writing within ten days of receipt of this letter that: (i) Every doper post a recantation and apology to **Pucky** ; (ii) This server keep bandwith available for the posting of Pro-Triops articles, such as “My Life with a Triop,” by Janet Moreisalwaysbetter, and “Eye, Eye, Eye Love You” the followup bestseller; photos, including of our Queen of the Three-Eyed Prom (where our theme was “Under the See, See, See.”) Helen TriKeller, and music by [The Hieroglyphics](http://www.teenwire.com/index.asp?taStrona=http://www.teenwire.com/infocus/articles/if_20010723p111.asp), a rare Pro-Triops band; (iii) Cecil write an article on the benefits of Triopicy. The foregoing is without waiver of any and all rights of **Pucky Schumer** , NATO (North American Tri-Ops), and TADL (TriOps Anti-Defemation League), all of which are expressly reserved herein. Very truly yours, Martin ThriceSeer, Esq. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/46 "2003-01-23T13:02:22Z")
Pfeh! Thread-killer wannabe! ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/47 "2003-01-23T18:09:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*From Futurama– > Fry: I bet Leela’s holding out for a nice guy with one eye. > \*\* I have a confession. I’ve always thought that uni-orb women are hot. Why? I don’t know – maybe because of the “forbidden fruit” aspect of it. I dated a one-eye girl in high school, but her parents made us break up. They were afraid that if we had kids, they’d have two eyes. (shudder.) ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/48 "2003-01-24T18:13:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > \*\* … We have recently learned that this thread continues in that vein, and, as such, is subject to a multimillion dollar suit. Comparing us to certain bugs, hoping we cause our self harm with bb guns, and wishing electroshock therapy upon poor **Pucky** are all actionable actions, which we, and some of the Courts, take very seriously. > > \*\* Way to go, Hamlet! Now that we’re organized, let’s start setting the record straight. Two-eyed people are the ones who really should be ashamed. Name one group that has done more to _start wars, colonized the Third World and rape the environment._ Who consumes 99% of the world’s resources? It’s those fricking binoculars, that’s who. You owe me restitution. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/49 "2003-01-24T18:56:53Z")
And you know the group in the world to have the lowest crime rate, highest rate of recycling, YET still has to pay 150% more than normal people for LASIK surgery! Not to mention having our threads ignored because dopers want to hear about big dicks and virgins rather than an oppressed group like ourselves. That’s right! Us Triops. WE’RE WISE WE BROUGHT PIES IT’S BETTER WITH THREE EYES!!! Viva la revolucion de tres ojos! ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/50 "2003-01-26T05:34:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > \*\*And you know the group in the world to have the lowest crime rate, highest rate of recycling, YET still has to pay 150% more than normal people for LASIK surgery! Not to mention having our threads ignored because dopers want to hear about big dicks and virgins rather than an oppressed group like ourselves. > > That’s right! Us Triops. > > \*\* Tell it like it is. They ignore us except when someone with three eyes commits a crime. You _never_ see a headline saying “Two-eyed man robs goat farm.” But let a triop go on one measly little killing spree and that’s the first thing they mention. Well sure, just ignore us and let our problems worsen. I tell you, it’s gonna be a long, hot summer. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/51 "2003-01-26T05:43:22Z")
I’m betting the OP is attracted to the three breasted woman in the bar in the movie Total Recall. Get her to dance and never miss a bit of the shakin’ goin’ on. Aye caramba! ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168/52 "2003-01-27T02:34:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by danceswithcats \* > \*\*I’m betting the OP is attracted to the three breasted woman in the bar in the movie Total Recall. Get her to dance and never miss a bit of the shakin’ goin’ on. > > Aye caramba! \*\* Face it, danceswithcats, guys like breasts. The more the merrier. Especially in odd multiples. Sorry, but those skinny chicks with just two don’t turn me on at all, and putting them on fashion runways is not going to change my mind. I like them big, round and not divisible by two. Except for those big bubble fake ones. That’s a real turn-off. [sub]But has anyone been with a woman with three implants? I have a friend who would like to know.[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-people-with-two-eyes-just-shut-up/150168.md?page=2)