# Would they still be superheroes in real life? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 9, 2016, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242 "2016-08-09T13:38:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/41 "2016-08-11T18:53:25Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > FWIW, while we never see Dan use it (or even really _note_ it) in **Watchmen** , we do see that he has an owlish Batmobile knockoff down in, y’know, his version of the Batcave. So it’s not _too_ crazy to wonder if he’d start his career with a tricked-out armored car before he had the radar-invisible flying submarine ready to go. > > But, yeah, factoring in **Before Watchmen** takes it from “seems unlikely” to “nah”. That car (or at least an earlier version of it) actually appears in _Before Watchmen_ as the main conveyance of Hollis Mason. The young Dan Dreiberg plants a listening device on it which allows him to follow it to Mason’s hideout and discover Mason’s identity, leading him to being trained by Mason and eventually replacing him. This doesn’t quite jibe with Mason’s autobiographical account in _Watchmen_, but no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![TYphoonSignal8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@TYphoonSignal8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TYphoonSignal8)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/42 "2016-08-12T04:50:03Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > To use one example…Ronda Rousey is as tough and strong a fighter as any woman on the planet, and even she can’t ALWAYS defeat just ONE other woman. > > So, even if Batgirl or Black Widow were as strong as Ronda Rousey, theyd get stomped (and, eventually, killed) if they tried battling male criminals, unarmed, every night. Neither Batgirl nor Black Widow are technically unarmed. Give your real life crime fighting ex-Special Forces person a stun gun and there is a Black Widow equivalent. DC Comics’ Batwoman, portrayed as an ex-Green Beret with technical and tactical support received from her Air Force colonel father, is pretty close to some sort of reality. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/43 "2016-08-12T05:06:17Z")
And, again, since I can’t stress this enough: right here in real-world America, Olympic champ Tripp Schwenk decided to fight crime and save lives, and so he – became a cop. What, you thought he was going to be some kind of brooding loner relying on his own resources and athleticism? There are people who’ll pay him to carry a gun! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/44 "2016-08-12T09:59:29Z")
Batman would likely manage to pull off a few impressive stunts and beat up a few crooks before either a lucky shot, some botched acrobatic stunt or a mistake with a widget disabled or killed him. All that impressive leaping between buildings and swinging on cables is likely to end badly, sooner rather than later. Note that he \*wouldn’t \*join the police since the pre-Batman Gotham police were far too corrupt for that to accomplish anything. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/45 "2016-08-12T11:50:39Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Batman would likely manage to pull off a few impressive stunts and beat up a few crooks before either a lucky shot, some botched acrobatic stunt or a mistake with a widget disabled or killed him. All that impressive leaping between buildings and swinging on cables is likely to end badly, sooner rather than later. > > Note that he \*wouldn’t \*join the police since the pre-Batman Gotham police were far too corrupt for that to accomplish anything. Didn’t stop hero cop Jim Gordon, but I take your point. Still, DC [canon](http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Batman_(Bruce_Wayne)) is apparently that he wasn’t looking the join the GCPD: _“At age 20, he attempted to join the FBI, but after learning about its regulations and conduct, Wayne deducted that he would never be able to completely oppose crime while working within the legal system.”_ (Deducted?) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/46 "2016-08-12T21:08:25Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Still, DC [canon](http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Batman_(Bruce_Wayne)) is apparently that he wasn’t looking the join the GCPD: _“At age 20, he attempted to join the FBI, but after learning about its regulations and conduct, Wayne deducted that he would never be able to completely oppose crime while working within the legal system.”_ > > (Deducted?) "After the FBI recruiter looked at me funny when I asked if I could wear a cape and mask on the job, I deduced that they’d never let me fight crime _properly."_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/47 "2016-08-12T21:40:18Z")
Heh. Googling a couple of key phrases, I found a wiki entry for a guy I’d never heard of: Horace Ashenfelter, an FBI agent who set a world record winning Olympic gold in the steeplechase and flew for the Army Air Corps in WWII. So, yeah: athletic enough to run and jump his way through an obstacle course better than anyone else on the planet, but sensibly pilots a plane if there’s a war on, and excels at investigation; does he put on a mask and a cape and wind up dead working solo? No, he gets a badge and a paycheck and is still alive at ninety-three! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2016, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/48 "2016-08-15T00:14:19Z")
I didn’t want to continue what might be a hijack, but (a) since a couple of days have gone by, I figure, why not hope to revive the topic with a bump? Especially since (b) I think it’s a genuine answer to the question, built around real-world examples, another of whom I wanted to mention now: Olympic gold medalist William McMillan. So he enlisted the military, and stood guard duty for a while before moving up in rank and getting assigned to serve as a marksmanship instructor; but then the Korean War broke out, and so he got sent into combat in Panmunjom. Anyhow, he eventually returned stateside and went back to serving as a marksmanship instructor; but then the Vietnam War was in full swing, and so he got sent into combat in Da Nang. Anyhow, he eventually returned stateside and received an honorable discharge, and the USMC to this day awards the McMillan Trophy to the finest pistol shot in the Marines each year: a tradition they started in the '70s, after McMillan – started work at the San Diego Sheriff’s Department, as a Special Deputy. Because, seriously, if a guy has that background and those world-record marksmanship skills, _that’s what happens._ What, you thought he was going to start performing police work on his own initiative? Why the heck would he do that? There’s already a police department, like, _right there,_ and they were happy to have him; and he was happy to help them, y’know, fight crime. ---
**Author:** ![Scarecrow\_s\_Brain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@Scarecrow\_s\_Brain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarecrow_s_Brain)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2016, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/49 "2016-08-15T19:54:54Z")
The Onion used to have an “Onion News in History” section. One article covered the real-world Peter Parker scenario pretty well: [QUOTE=The Onion] Boy Bitten by Radioactive Spider Dies of Leukemia. Peter Parker, 17, Was Avid Student of Science, Photography NEW YORK- Peter Parker, a 17-year-old high-school student bitten by a radioactive spider during an atomic-sciences demonstration Aug. 20, died at New York’s Bellevue Hospital Wednesday night of complications resulting from leukemia. Parker, who was described by friends as very interested in the sciences -and who had already earned a scholarship to attend Empire State University next fall- was standing near a display demonstrating the transmission of radioactive beams when an ordinary spider fell through the rays and onto Parker’s arm. biting him in its death throes. Parker almost immediately felt dizzy and sick and was later taken to Bellevue by his Aunt May. “This was no ordinary case of leukemia.” said attendant physician Dr. Henry Pym, an expert in the field of radioactive-insect-induced cancers. “This ripped through young Peter’s body almost overnight, affecting his reflexes, destroying his coordination, sapping his strength and scrambling his senses to the point where all the boy could detect was a constant tingling. It’s almost as if this hyper-irradiated cancer had the proportionate strength and speed of a spider.” “All of us at Empire State University’s Department of Atomic Studies offer our deepest condolences to the Parker family at this tragic time,” said Atomic Sciences professor Hank Connor. “Peter was a brilliant student, a talented photographer and an upstanding young man. He taught us all that the power of the atom is great- and with great power must come great responsibility.” Empire State will reportedly dedicate a physics scholarship in Parker’s name. Parker’s death marks the sixth atomic-accident fatality in the last month, arriving on the heels of Reed Richards, Ben Grimm, and Susan and John Storm all succumbing to cosmic rays during the maiden flight of Richards’ experimental rocket, and U.S. Department of Defense scientist Bruce Banner’s irradiation by the Gamma Bomb, a weapon of his own devising. The Onion August 29, 1963 [/QUOTE] (I couldn’t find a link to the original article, but was able to cut n’ paste that from another site.) A book I mentioned in another thread, “Becoming Batman”, puts the shelf life of Batman at about 2 or 3 years, tops, before he’d be too worn and torn to keep doing it. Warren Ellis did a series call “Ruins” as a mirror to Kurt Busiek’s “Marvels”. Just about every major hero meets a horrible end due to their powers. Been a long time since I read that. sb ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2016, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/50 "2016-08-15T20:41:23Z")
> [@Scarecrow\_s\_Brain](#): > > A book I mentioned in another thread, “Becoming Batman”, puts the shelf life of Batman at about 2 or 3 years, tops, before he’d be too worn and torn to keep doing it. Well, just to stick with my idée fixe, lemme make quick mention of Walter Walsh, which sounds like a name Stan Lee would’ve come up with but which in fact belonged to a world-record marksman who served as a G-Man back when that meant manhunts for Baby Face Nelson and the Ma Barker gang; after years of that, during which he got shot in the shoulder and chest and hand – but shot _dead_ more folks than you can count on both hands – he went off to serve in the Pacific, because, hey, that enemy sniper isn’t going to stop shooting until someone _makes_ him, y’know? After the end of WWII, he returned home and went back to work for the FBI for yet more years, and _then_ he got around to competing in the Olympics – and then he apparently spent decades back serving with the USMC; and, decades after that, he was the oldest living former Olympian, as well as the oldest living former FBI agent, as well as the oldest living ex-Marine. I mean, yeah, it’s hard to stay healthy fighting crime the way Batman does; that’s why guys who actually work in law enforcement carry, uh, guns. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/51 "2016-08-15T22:17:16Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Well, in real life, Iron Man is just a can full of powdered bones in the desert somewhere, because, while it’s comic book canon that falling from great heights doesn’t hurt as long as there’s something between you and the ground, For much the same reason, Spiderman should frequently dislocate his shoulders with some of those stunts he pulls. Either that or his webbing would have to stretch so much he hits the ground. Although perhaps not a fatal fall, since the webbing would slow him down some. But you never see him do that in the comic. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242/52 "2016-08-17T02:07:16Z")
Heh. I knew half of this already, but only just learned the other half: record-breaking swimmer Duke Kahanamoku, who earned Olympic gold medals before serving as an MP during WWII and as the sheriff of Honolulu, famously used his athletic skills to save eight men from a capsized vessel in a rescue effort hailed as [“superhuman”](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_Kahanamoku). Which is cool for back _then_ – but that sort of thing just doesn’t happen _nowadays,_ right? I give you [Officer Adam Wheeler,](http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/adam-wheeler-ultimate-mens-health-guy) who racked up military experience as a rescue swimmer befofe earning an Olympic medal in Beijing before earning medal of valor after medal of valor for what he’s done since as a member of the Colorado Springs Police Department’s SWAT team. Which I figure answers the OP’s basic question: a world-class athlete with the skills and inclination to fight crime would simply perform real-life police work, because, hey, why play loner vigilante if law-abiding citizens will gladly hand him a badge and a gun while paying him to head out with backup at the ready? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-they-still-be-superheroes-in-real-life/762242.md?page=2)