# Would this be irritating to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533 "2005-06-16T13:24:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/21 "2005-06-16T16:26:17Z")
Depends how long they’d keep it up for. A couple times, fine, whatever. Drag it out for half an hour and heads will roll. I find “hovering” the most supremely annoying thing at work. My boss loves to hover over me as I’m typing something and stare at the screen. Even if it’s something meant to go to him, I don’t care. Every time he does it I want to turn around and hoof him in the balls. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/22 "2005-06-16T16:27:32Z")
**Zebra** , I haven’t noticed them patting anyone else’s head. I’m also one of a very few number of women at the job. I’m thinking the guys patting me on my head would not dare do the same to another coworker, if only because of the whole homophobia thing. > [@wasson](#): > > But if I, as a white dude in a corporate office environment, had my head rubbed by someone claiming it was good luck, I’d probably brush it off or assume they were being friendy and joking around. Life it too short to be personally offended or annoyed by a little bit of personal contact… a little lightening of the mood during a boring work day. What if they did it every time they passed your cubicle? I’m not against touchy-feeliness. I don’t touch other people but I don’t mind if someone touches me (in a non-sexual way, of course) during a conversation or something. But I don’t like when people touch me on my head. I’m not vain, but my hair is very impressionable. I don’t want to go around work with handprints in my fro. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/23 "2005-06-16T16:28:04Z")
> [@wasson](#): > > Life it too short to be personally offended or annoyed by a little bit of personal contact… a little lightening of the mood during a boring work day. No freakin’ way. I’m a girl, I was brought up super-conservative, I’ve gotten over most of it, but don’t touch me without a reason! I don’t mind jokes or anything else but I don’t like people I don’t know very well touching me. Starsky & Hutch: “Why are you touching him?!” /Starsky & Hutch ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/24 "2005-06-16T16:31:57Z")
**wasson** , I don’t know about you, but I can’t really help being bothered, offended, or annoyed at things. I can help how I visibly react (which I did, by not going off on anyone), but I can’t help the feeling. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/25 "2005-06-16T16:34:48Z")
> [@](#): > > What if they did it every time they passed your cubicle? That may be a little different. If they just rubbed it and kept walking without saying another word and they did it constantly and I didn’t know them very well, it MIGHT annoy me. Probably not, but MAYBE if I was already having a bad day or something. But if that was a coworkers standard greeting, to rub and then say hello or start a conversation, I’d probably get to the point that I’d be concerned if I didn’t get the rub when he walked by. > [@](#): > > I don’t mind jokes or anything else but I don’t like people I don’t know very well touching me. I guess it depends on your definitions of ‘very well’. I wouldn’t want a stranger on the subway or at a restaurant walking by and rubbing my head, but I’d consider anyone walking by my cubicle friend enough to grab a handful of my hair if they felt the urge. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/26 "2005-06-16T16:37:18Z")
> [@](#): > > wasson, I don’t know about you, but I can’t really help being bothered, offended, or annoyed at things. I can help how I visibly react (which I did, by not going off on anyone), but I can’t help the feeling. Yeah, I’m actually pretty good at it. I think “Crap! I’m annoyed! Wait, being annoyed at this is silly. Nevermind. I’m not annoyed.” I’ve been able to do that since I was a kid. It’s a gift. I rarely get upset, but when I do, I get really upset and it lasts a long time. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/27 "2005-06-16T16:39:10Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > If you had been me, how would you have felt? If someone at work was coming by and touching my head/hair without asking first, I’d tell them to knock it off straightaway, particularly if it was a man (since I am a woman and there’s always the potential for some kind of harrassment to develop if they think it’s OK to just come up and touch you). It’s really not appropriate at all in a work environment. And if they’re doing the “I wish Cotton was a monkey” thing to you, then they deserve to be slapped and reported to their boss as well. I’m not sure how you’d go about determining that, though. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/28 "2005-06-16T16:48:13Z")
I cut my hair very short and sometimes shave it and have had females at work rub it out of the blue sometimes. But I just can’t imagine anyone rubbing a black woman’s hair just because of the usual nature of their hair, especially with a somewhat fancy hairdo. ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/29 "2005-06-16T17:03:20Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Yes, I am. > > I’ve heard of it before but I was hoping maybe it wasn’t a racial thing this time. Like, maybe rubbing people’s heads in general is considered “good luck”, and it just happens that I’m black. > > The folks I work with are young and have not shown themselves to be racist before, so I’m leaning towards giving them the benefit of the doubt. I’m white, and female. When my head has been shaved people would pat/rub it all the time, even in the mall, out of curiousity or for “luck”. I often would slap their hands if I didn’t know them. So maybe it isn’t racism, just stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/30 "2005-06-16T17:30:52Z")
No one should touch me at work; it’s just not appropriate. The latest (of very few such instances, luckily) was the “new guy” with whom I was being to be comfortable and joke around. I made some little joking comments and his response was to cup the side of my face/head in what would be an affectionate gesture. This was someone who had been here maybe three days!! I couldn’t believe it, so I said nothing and moved on. Then yesterday he was around when I was passing a colleague who called out a question. I must have looked a little put out because he said “‘Oh not another question’ she says” and patted my arm. In all fairness, I am analyzing the situation and I think it’s because I am helpful and he wants to make sure we’re on good terms. He hasn’t touched others that I have seen but I have an eye out. I am also not one to talk myself out of my suspicions so I plan to keep track of these incidents. So, short answer, yes, it would be irritating! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/31 "2005-06-16T17:36:09Z")
> [@wasson](#): > > I guess it depends on your definitions of ‘very well’. I wouldn’t want a stranger on the subway or at a restaurant walking by and rubbing my head, but I’d consider anyone walking by my cubicle friend enough to grab a handful of my hair if they felt the urge. What?! I don’t even like my casual friends to touch my hair. Part of it is probably that touching my hair for me is…er…_erotic_, and I don’t think that’s appropriate at work! Mostly it’s because I’ve got thick, curly hair, and you’re going to muss it up, and your oils mess with it, and WTF are you doing touching my hair anyway? _pant pant_ Intimate friends, now that’s different. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/32 "2005-06-16T17:50:15Z")
Why would any adult touch any other adult’s hair in the workplace like that? I think it is both condescending and sexist, if not outright racist. Do you know these people? Can you style your hair in such a way as to have a hair accotrement stab them if they touch it? I’m a nurse, and we tend to be kinda casual at work. I have had a few FRIENDS braid my long, thick hair at work, primarily to get it off my neck. We do so in the lounge, away from the public. I cannot imagine, under any circs where a drive-by patting would be acceptable of appropriate. Good luck–hey! rub your own head for luck! :rolleyes: 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/33 "2005-06-16T17:59:01Z")
I probably would have said something like “What the HELL are you doing?” the first time, and during all subsequent pats/rubs I probably would have slapped them away. Then I’d complain to whoever was above those people about that unprofessional patronizing behavior. I never heard of rub-a-black-person’s-head-for-luck, but I know too well about the “she’s so short, isn’t she cute…pat pat pat” sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/34 "2005-06-16T18:17:46Z")
> [@LionelHutz405](#): > > I’ve heard of this practice, where idiots think that rubbing a black person’s head is ‘good luck’. It’s racist and insulting and you shouldn’t tolerate it even as a ‘joke.’ :dubious: A sociology prof. of mine was also an advisor of my fraternity. He was also black. In class he commented how white people love to touch black people’s hair. I had never considered such a thing, so the next time I saw him at the bar, I touched his hair. His hair felt so cool, I had to do it again. > [@monstro](#): > > I just googled “head rubbing good luck”, and I came up with this. > > So I guess I have a right to be irritated. Google turns back so few hits on the topic that I’m quite skeptical it’s genuine. I’ve certainly never heard of it, nor had my sociology prof. who was from the south. He just said that whites got a kick out of the feel of blacks’ hair; a fair statement I later discovered. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/35 "2005-06-16T18:53:52Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Can you style your hair in such a way as to have a hair accotrement stab them if they touch it? Needles and curare come to mind. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/36 "2005-06-16T19:00:25Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Yesterday, two of my coworkers kept patting me on the head as I sat at my table, busily working. > > I finally asked for an explanation from one of them. > > “It’s good luck!” > > Before he said that, I thought the head-patting was just merely strange, if not just a little annoying. But when he said it was for good luck, I got irritated. I didn’t say anything and I’m sure my irritation didn’t show in my behavior, but I’m thinking I probably would have snapped if someone had touched my head again. Fortunately, that didn’t happen. > > If you had been me, how would you have felt? Were they Japanese? ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/37 "2005-06-16T19:26:12Z")
I would have zero tolerance for anything but a handshake in the workplace. If I let one person touch me, what’s to stop other people? IMO, it’s not a matter of “lightening up” it’s just basic respect for others. It’s not appropriate to touch your co-workers. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/38 "2005-06-16T19:28:08Z")
People sometimes pat my hair, but most often they try to run their fingers through it or _pull_ on it to see the curls sproing. Dammit, I just got all five hundred pounds of my curly hair wrestled into submission and you have to go mess it up. Sometimes I don’t have access to a mirror and/or the time to fix it, so now I’ve got to walk around with my hair sticking out funny or flopping out of it’s pins because you have no more impulse control than a four year old. As to good luck, the only thing I’ve ever heard was that patting was disrespectful and a big no-no. One of my professors told how she’d taught on a reservation, I forget which tribe (western U.S.). One day, after helping a student with a problem she gave him a pat on the head and walked back to her desk. The young man didn’t come to school for a couple of days, so she asked where he was. It seems the student was pretty important, (possibly the next leader?), and he had to go through a long ritual to restore things to rights. I’ve never had a chance to study that sort of thing in depth, so I hope she wasn’t kidding. At least it taught me there was more than one reason never to touch a student. Erm… not that I would anyway. Keep your hands to yourself is my motto. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/39 "2005-06-16T19:31:40Z")
Extremely. Especially under the circumstances of your office and the fact that they’re not doing it to others. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533/40 "2005-06-16T19:32:14Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > In all fairness, I am analyzing the situation and I think it’s because I am helpful and he wants to make sure we’re on good terms. Sounds more like flirting to me. Is he cute? lol. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-be-irritating-to-you/308533.md?page=3)