# Would this Marriage proposal bother you? Poll **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2008, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493 "2008-01-22T13:26:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/41 "2008-01-22T19:02:46Z")
[QUOTE=Eleanor of Aquitaine] It doesn’t harm me. I’m not saying I would get upset about it, but I probably would gripe a little privately to my husband, as **Phlosphr** ’s wife is doing to him. It’s not that I even make a big deal about my own anniversary - I guess there’s just a childish part of me that thinks my sister or brother should get their own damn wedding date. 🙂 [/QUOTE] I think my response might be about the same. I’d be slightly annoyed, and then I’d get over it. In a couple of years it won’t make any difference at all, except we might call them to see if they want to get together for dinner. It’s not actually a big deal, but I guess it feels a bit like a lack of respect or something. But in the long run there are more important things to worry about. We do have a friend who was a little peeved with her son for arriving on their wedding anniversary. She wanted that day to be just for them. She said he could have waited one more day. I’m pretty sure she’s gotten over that, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/42 "2008-01-22T21:49:18Z")
Meh. I’m going back to sleep now. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/43 "2008-01-22T22:04:42Z")
[QUOTE=madmonk28] Male, not in the least. My wife who is ten feet away agrees. [/QUOTE] What does your more distant wife think? ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/44 "2008-01-22T23:03:20Z")
I’m female and I wouldn’t care at all. Half the time I can’t remember my own anniversary anyway. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/45 "2008-01-22T23:03:37Z")
It would actually bother me slightly if a sibling got married on my birthday. Not enough to ever mention it, or anything, but enough to irk me–especially if it was a big wedding, not a “we ran off and got married thing”. That’s just because it would be weird to be at sibling’s wedding on my birthday and people kinda mentioning it and me having to be like 'oh, no, it’s their wedding, let’s focus on them" and it would just seem awkward. In later years it wouldn’t bother me. But my anniversary? Wouldn’t even cross my mind, except I might tell them the date had worked out fine for us! I would be irritated if a sibling scheduled a wedding on a parent’s signifigant anniversary, like the 50th or something, because that would seem like showboating. That may come from residual sibling rivalry: “why is mom and dad’s special day about you? hun?”. Anything other than that would be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/46 "2008-01-22T23:06:16Z")
Don’t care about anniversary dates being the same. I don’t mind that at all. What I kind of would mind is having to spend a weekend that my husband and I would normally be getting away together at someone else’s wedding. And by saying I mind it, I’d just be kind of irked, not mind blowingly pissed. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/47 "2008-01-22T23:25:10Z")
It all comes down to will this lead to conflict in the future. Family will want you to celebrate it at the same time and place for a get together. Will this become a problem in the future, and cause resentment? I would rather not have the potential for it happen in that way, so vote no marriage on the same date. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/48 "2008-01-22T23:38:11Z")
We pretty much ignore our anniversary, so it wouldn’t much matter to me. My daughter is getting married on May 4 - the anniversary of one of my sisters. Sis thinks it’s great. Daughter rolled her eyes. Not her favorite aunt… ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/49 "2008-01-22T23:45:39Z")
I am female. If I was a “Wedding Person” and had planned a Big Huge Deal, then it would piss me off, because presumably, you share family members. How are they supposed to decide which wedding to go to? What kind of selfish asshole puts her family in that position? If I planned to elope, and my sister decided to have her second wedding on the same date, I wouldn’t care. Eloping implies that I don’t care if I have witnesses who are related to me, so she can have all the relatives at _her_ wedding, and I’ll have a great time on some tropical island. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/50 "2008-01-23T00:42:08Z")
I have to admit that I would be annoyed. More so if it was my sister who chose the same date rather than if it was my brother, and that is, without a doubt, due to petty sibling rivalry and personal insecurities! In either case (were it my brother or my sister), what would annoy me the most was the lack of ability to really celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Since we were living 800km away from where we got married (and most of our family and friends), we chose to get married on Thanksgiving weekend (Oct 8th, 2005). It worked out perfectly, pretty much everyone who was invited came, we had a wonderful weekend… BUT… As is tradition, Thanksgiving weekend is spent with family. So for the past two years, hubby and I haven’t been able to celebrate together on that weekend. It’s petty, because there are other weekends to celebrate together, and the date doesn’t always fall on the long weekend, but that’s the way it has been so far. So if my sister also had an anniversary on that date… well, knowing her, it would be a semi-public thing every year (well, public within our family, with constant reminders of the date, congratulations expected etc., that’s just the way she is!) So it would bother me to lose a little more of “my” special day. My brother… well, I know he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, so I’d be ok with it, but who knows who hypothetical-SO would be and what she’d act like! I kind of feel the same about my birthday; it’s only a week away from my husband’s birthday (same year, one week apart), and since we already end up pretty much sharing, I wouldn’t want to share that day with my sister or brother too! Totally selfish, totally irrational, but that’s just how I am. I would get over it, though, for sure. It would be something I’d rant about to my husband, and mull over personally for a bit, and then move on. I don’t own the day. I don’t know about my brother, but I know my sister would much prefer a spring/summer wedding anyways, so it’s unlikely to be an issue! ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/51 "2008-01-23T01:55:02Z")
I would be surprised if my brother remembered what date our wedding was, and it was three weeks ago. I won’t care at all. He can use the same cater and hall, too, is he wants. Though I would draw the line at him wearing my dress 😉 . ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/52 "2008-01-23T02:15:25Z")
Can’t even imagine why this would be upsetting, except to some nut with astrology-based objections. Er, no offense to the wife, or to you objectors upthread. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/53 "2008-01-23T02:21:20Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] Can’t even imagine why this would be upsetting, except to some nut with astrology-based objections. Er, no offense to the wife, or to you objectors upthread. 😉 [/QUOTE] Heh - object all you want, I did…didn’t get me very far. She has come around a little, we talked about it over dinner tonight and she sees the positive side a little more now. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/54 "2008-01-23T02:56:39Z")
Your wife will have the upper hand, though, since you’ll always be married longer on _every_ anniversary. Even when they’re having round-numbered ones. “Yeah, ten years is nice, but you’ve still got a ways to go to make it to seventeen.” There’s probably some way bring this up before they’re married that would make them think about changing the date, but I’m not good with that sort of thing. Maybe “That’s great! You’ll always be exactly seven years behind us!” ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/55 "2008-01-23T02:59:24Z")
Female. I don’t care. As other people have said, it’s not like my brother and his hypothetical wife would be celebrating my anniversary, so who cares? On the other hand, baby names. Friends both using the name is okay, but not family. Two of my mom’s maternal uncles each had twins - and both sets got the same names: Daniel and Brian. **Not** family names, ftr. General opinion is (still is, 40 years later!) that uncle #2 and spouse were morons for giving their boys the same names as their first cousins. However, these are kids who all lived in the same state, so the chances for mix-ups were both good and frequent. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/56 "2008-01-23T03:30:29Z")
[QUOTE=ZenBeam] There’s probably some way bring this up before they’re married that would make them think about changing the date, but I’m not good with that sort of thing. Maybe “That’s great! You’ll always be exactly seven years behind us!” [/QUOTE] “Cool! We’ll share the same anniversary. We were going to go on a cruise for ours next year, why don’t you book it too and we can spend every anniversary together! I’m so thrilled you decided to share our special day. We can make this even better, why don’t you do a bouquet JUST LIKE MINE! I think my old bridesmaids have some of their dresses, we could have them altered. Then our pictures would hang side by side on Mom and Dad’s wall! It would be so CUTE! Maybe we could buy them a really nice double frame for the photos for Christmas.” If you are capable of pulling this off, your sibling will immediately elope, leave town, and leave no forwarding address. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/57 "2008-01-23T03:31:51Z")
Female - married - see no problem with it at all. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/58 "2008-01-23T03:34:24Z")
[QUOTE=Dangerosa] If you are capable of pulling this off, your sibling will immediately elope, leave town, and leave no forwarding address. [/QUOTE] One of my coworkers said she’d be bothered by it if and only if it was a choice made from malice. I said that would make it deliciously funny, since nothing is more infuriating than to have an attempt to bother someone turn out to amuse them instead. ---
**Author:** ![Red1980](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@Red1980](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red1980)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/59 "2008-01-23T03:57:10Z")
Personally, I say immitation is the most sincere form of flattery. If they are picking the same wedding date as you intentionally, then they are probably doing it because they think it was a great idea. They might also look up to you guys as a great couple, and want to enjoy the same life together as they see in you and your wife. I would be honored if I were in your position. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493/60 "2008-01-23T04:51:39Z")
Wouldn’t matter to me in the least. (Female.) The kid-naming thing would bug me a LOT, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-marriage-proposal-bother-you-poll/434493.md?page=4)