# Would this PDA have vexed you, or should the bus driver have minded his own bees' wax? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2014, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942 "2014-07-24T15:55:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/21 "2014-07-24T20:25:58Z")
I don’t like that kind of PDA. Holding hands is fine but I’ve never been a fan of the prolonged kiss. Which is why I don’t dig romance movies. But I recognize that this is my hang-up. I think the bus driver was kind of a jerk. But I sympathize with how hard it must be to not be able to control your work environment. If there are people in my midst who are being distracting, I can just close my office door and go back to being in my little bubble. But you can’t do that on a bus. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/22 "2014-07-24T20:57:07Z")
Is there some kind of posted rule against smooching? If not, and given that this wasn’t some kind of wild lusty make-out session, I think the only risk to the safe operation of the bus was entirely in the driver’s mind; he doesn’t like the couple kissing? Too bad. It sounds like he couldn’t get over a harmless display of affection and if that’s going to make him lose control of the bus then he needs some remedial training. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/23 "2014-07-24T21:00:31Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I think the bus driver was kind of a jerk. But I sympathize with how hard it must be to not be able to control your work environment. If there are people in my midst who are being distracting, I can just close my office door and go back to being in my little bubble. But you can’t do that on a bus. I think a bus driver only gets to control the part of his work environment that actually affects his ability to do his job safely. I don’t think that means that “Anything the driver doesn’t personally like is forbidden on the bus”. Suppose the driver really hates the president, can he say “That ‘Vote For Obama’ t-shirt is making me so mad that I can’t drive straight, change your shirt now or get off!”? ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/24 "2014-07-24T21:28:32Z")
I think it must have been a new relationship. I think of it as “the Bloom of Love” where you smooch before you put your coats on to go to the ice cream shop across the street, after you put your coats on, before you open your door, after you close your door, before you cross the street, after you cross the street, before you enter the ice cream shop, etc. I give it a month until there’s no serious smooching unless they’re engaging in sweaty snugglebunnies, if you’ll kindly pardon my explicit language. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/25 "2014-07-24T21:50:03Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > The bus driver is, in a sense, the captain of a ship, and he is responsible for maintaining order and public safety on his bus. Maybe he thought the kissing would lead to sodomy? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/26 "2014-07-24T21:53:08Z")
It would slightly annoy me, I’m not a fan of PDA and would’ve rolled my eyes, wish they would quit it but otherwise ignore them. And yes, the driver was majorly overreacting. I used the ‘not ok with it but driver was out of line’ option even though that isn’t entirely accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/27 "2014-07-25T23:06:03Z")
Memphis? I googled MATA. About what I would have expected in the south. It wouldn’t have bothered me and I don’t think it would have happened here in Montreal. ---
**Author:** ![JKilez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e5b9ba/32.png) [@JKilez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKilez)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/28 "2014-07-26T00:03:54Z")
> [@Satchmo](#): > > I guess I’m assuming it’s a gay couple, here. Odd, that would be my assumption too. Why would it be an issue that a bus driver chastises a couple for macking on the bus? ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/29 "2014-07-26T02:28:24Z")
I think the bus driver hasn’t been getting any and is a bitter bitter man. “All the world loves a lover.” Ralph Waldo Emerson ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/30 "2014-07-26T02:54:09Z")
I doubt if Ralph Waldo Emerson was big on couples making out like rutting Bonobos — hands everywhere, burning kisses that suck the very soul, and suggestive grunts — before his very eyes. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow neither. Henry David Thoreau, maybe. I always got the first two confused as a child. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/31 "2014-07-26T02:55:23Z")
One thing we don’t know is how many couples the bus driver has previously broken up for PDA’s or outright humping, or whether this route has a long tradition of people getting on the bus and then getting it on. I’m inclined to give the driver a little leeway. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/32 "2014-07-26T04:45:55Z")
> [@Staggerlee](#): > > Maybe he thought the kissing would lead to sodomy? Depends on how the rum rations are holding out. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/33 "2014-07-26T13:03:20Z")
There’s nothing wrong with it, and thus the bus driver has no right to try and stop it. Even more intense PDA would be fine. There is no right in this world to not be made uncomfortable. The bus driver seems like he has Cartman syndrome. Adults should not speak to other adults in that manner. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/34 "2014-07-26T18:54:30Z")
> [@Staggerlee](#): > > Maybe he thought the kissing would lead to sodomy? While they were still on the bus? Then yes, that needs nipping in the bud. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/35 "2014-07-26T19:09:30Z")
Let’s see… \*It wouldn’t bother me, especially in the very back of the bus. \*I understand the driver’s point of view, for whatever reason. However, yelling like that, versus putting all his energy into driving, doesn’t seem wise. So, I think he overreacted, but as has been pointed out, there might have been a cause for that. \*The couple should’ve stopped when asked. His bus, his rules. Who wants to get chunked back out into a thunderstorm when you can hang out on the bus and do stuff out of view? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/36 "2014-07-27T09:29:55Z")
Would not have bothered me, but the driver was just doing his job. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/37 "2014-07-29T15:33:13Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > Is there some kind of posted rule against smooching? There wasn’t when I last rode the bus regularly, but that was years and years ago. > [@](#): > > If not, and given that this wasn’t some kind of wild lusty make-out session, I think the only risk to the safe operation of the bus was entirely in the driver’s mind; he doesn’t like the couple kissing? Too bad. It sounds like he couldn’t get over a harmless display of affection and if that’s going to make him lose control of the bus then he needs some remedial training. Kind of my thought too, especially as the only passenger with an easy view of them was me, and I hadn’t complained. > [@BigT](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with it, and thus the bus driver has no right to try and stop it. Even more intense PDA would be fine. There is no right in this world to not be made uncomfortable. > > The bus driver seems like he has Cartman syndrome. Adults should not speak to other adults in that manner. I’m not sure I’d call the kissy couple _adults_. They looked late teens to me. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/38 "2014-07-29T19:46:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure I’d call the kissy couple _adults_. They looked late teens to me. Teenagers smooching in public? In other shocking news, the sun rose in the east and Hawaii isn’t next to Norway. Obnoxious behavior that I’d rather see mass transit folks squelching includes having loud cell phone conversations (especially on speakerphone), lying on multiple seats (especially during rush hour) and putting a bag on a seat & then studiously ignoring someone who needs to sit there. Maybe the driver was having a bad day or he didn’t find that particular couple attractive enough or something but regardless I think he was way out of line. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/39 "2014-07-29T20:09:11Z")
The bus is for everyone, and even if one PDA doesn’t gross you out, it may gross out that nice lady with the bag of doll heads. Instead of holding an Iroquois longhouse meeting over every instance of PDA to determine if the bus citizens have reached consensus, just declare the bus a non-PDA realm. That way, you don’t have to make a call as to whether someone’s kissing was sweet, lascivious, or in need of tutorials and you shut down the precious snowflakes who believe that their special circumstances deserve and exception. No one ever died because they didn’t get a little tongue on public transportation. That being said, the driver’s approach needs some refinement. Ask, Insist, Demand. Use humor where possible, make your expectations and the consequences for not meeting them clear, and follow through if they’re not met. It’s possible to tell a couple of grapplers that the bus is not the place without sounding like a prissy aunt hyperventilating over the perfidy of today’s youth. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942/40 "2014-07-29T21:22:52Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > The bus is for everyone, and even if one PDA doesn’t gross you out, it may gross out that nice lady with the bag of doll heads. Instead of holding an Iroquois longhouse meeting over every instance of PDA to determine if the bus citizens have reached consensus, just declare the bus a non-PDA realm. That way, you don’t have to make a call as to whether someone’s kissing was sweet, lascivious, or in need of tutorials and you shut down the precious snowflakes who believe that their special circumstances deserve and exception. No one ever died because they didn’t get a little tongue on public transportation. I really don’t think that’s a good approach. You’re setting the ban on public behavior at whatever could conceivably offend _anyone_ out there - which basically means “Don’t do anything”. Yeah, the bus is for everyone. So is the sidewalk or any other public place, should we use the same standard there? What other forms of expression meet that requirement? If your actions are causing a safety risk or breaking some kind of law then it’s fair to ban that behavior on the bus, but otherwise people need to accept that not everyone shares their hang ups and they may just have to deal with it. > [@phouka](#): > > That being said, the driver’s approach needs some refinement. Ask, Insist, Demand. Use humor where possible, make your expectations and the consequences for not meeting them clear, and follow through if they’re not met. It’s possible to tell a couple of grapplers that the bus is not the place without sounding like a prissy aunt hyperventilating over the perfidy of today’s youth. Also true. What I said above does not mean that grandma (or junior or the bus driver, or whoever) isn’t free to tell someone that they’d rather not be subjected to (face sucking, loud music full of swear words, etc) but the right approach can make all the difference. “Excuse me, would you mind turning that down?” and “Turn that shit off you asshole!” may work differently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-this-pda-have-vexed-you-or-should-the-bus-driver-have-minded-his-own-bees-wax/693942.md?page=3)