# Would y’all like to be in my porn film? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 4, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427 "2013-12-04T02:16:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/41 "2013-12-05T21:14:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Do you guys have _any_ girls signed up? Just curious. 🙂 Interesting phrasing, from a lady… ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/42 "2013-12-05T22:11:08Z")
So anybody who wants to can download and view my scenes, doing whatever _I_ want with whomever\* I\* want (assuming they agree). One question: do I ever have to hear about it, or can there be a “don’t talk about fight club” rule? ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/43 "2013-12-05T23:21:40Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > One question: do I ever have to hear about it, or can there be a “don’t talk about fight club” rule? I’d say the statistical probability of nobody ever mentioning it to you, even just once in passing, is virtually zero. But again—that’s the entire point of this exercise. If we make the offer irresistibly attractive to you, will you do porn knowing that the general public will have access to the material? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/44 "2013-12-06T01:06:57Z")
Hmm. I’m a few years beyond my prime porn star days, but I’d be happy to compose some really bad jazz on my synthesizer for background music. Or I can record some vocal tracks, e.g. moans of rapture and high-pitched squeals of delight, to dub in. ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/45 "2013-12-06T01:11:59Z")
Well, can I be the disapproving moralist who gives lectures on the wages of sin? Or is that too kinky? ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/46 "2013-12-06T21:17:57Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Hmm. I’m a few years beyond my prime porn star days, but I’d be happy to compose some really bad jazz on my synthesizer for background music. Or I can record some vocal tracks, e.g. moans of rapture and high-pitched squeals of delight, to dub in. This is the new, ‘enlightened’ face of porn. You can look like a Shar-Pei for all we care. Offer still stands. > [@Marion\_Wormer](#): > > Well, can I be the disapproving moralist who gives lectures on the wages of sin? Or is that too kinky? If you can pull it off in a dominatrix catsuit, we’d be all over that. Consider it homage to Mel Brooks. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/47 "2013-12-06T21:28:02Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Interesting phrasing, from a lady… Girl or lady,this one already said no. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/48 "2013-12-06T21:35:05Z")
I can’t imagine being in porn for any reason. I can’t imagine it helping my esteem issues in any way. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/49 "2013-12-06T22:07:49Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I can’t imagine being in porn for any reason. I can’t imagine it helping my esteem issues in any way. We can provide you with a fluffer who has a doctorate in clinical psychology. ---
**Author:** ![8664\_TONI](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/6de8d8/32.png) [@8664\_TONI](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/8664_TONI)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/50 "2013-12-07T01:07:08Z")
send me the sign up information ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/51 "2013-12-07T01:21:38Z")
No, thanks. It’s -17F here right now, and you know what that does. ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/52 "2013-12-07T02:36:14Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > This is the new, ‘enlightened’ face of porn. You can look like a Shar-Pei for all we care. Offer still stands. > > If you can pull it off in a dominatrix catsuit, we’d be all over that. Consider it homage to Mel Brooks. I guess I’m out. I don’t have the legs for dominatrixing. Plus the CFM heels make my hallux limitus hurt like the devil. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/53 "2013-12-07T15:33:16Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > I’m surprised you’re not offering me $100,000 NOT to be in the film. This. And can I be replaced by my partner? He actually has experience. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/54 "2013-12-07T15:42:04Z")
Can’t elope!! You guys kill me! Sure, what the hey. I insist on wearing my Richard Nixon face mask during my scene, however. It’s the only thing that makes me feel sexy. ---
**Author:** ![James\_Toothpaste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e56c9b/32.png) [@James\_Toothpaste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/James_Toothpaste)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/55 "2013-12-07T19:54:33Z")
No! ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/56 "2013-12-08T03:50:27Z")
> [@James\_Toothpaste](#): > > No! Marcel! Je suis content de vous voir! And from beyond the grave, no less! ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/57 "2013-12-08T05:46:21Z")
I’m in. How soon can I get the money? ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/58 "2013-12-08T06:52:58Z")
Submit your script, complete filming, and we will cut you a check the same day. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427/59 "2013-12-08T08:11:38Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > …You can hump anything… wildebeest, cantelope, what have you… Oh fer Og’s sake, at least restrict it to entities capable of giving informed consent…! Other than that, I’d be cautiously in, if you can get the likes of Mariko Morikawa, Lenka Berkiova, Tia Ling, Shar Nitzapanus, Samantha Sanders, or mid-1980s pre-nosejob Nikki King to star opposite me. Non-smoking, non-drug-using stunt doubles if necessary, of course. Though I’m certain I’d fit into the category of ‘we’ll pay you to _not_ appear on film’… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-y-all-like-to-be-in-my-porn-film/675427.md?page=2)