# Would you be bothered if a potential date had slept with a prostitute in the past? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670 "2011-03-31T19:24:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![brocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@brocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brocks)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2011, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/61 "2011-04-02T11:47:07Z")
Tiger? Is that you? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2011, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/62 "2011-04-02T12:05:46Z")
> [@brocks](#): > > Tiger? Is that you? lol. I wish. I’m actually a chick, and have never purchased the services of any of the women listed above. But we’ve shared plenty of girly talk over bottles of wine! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2011, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/63 "2011-04-04T10:10:35Z")
> [@Green\_Rosetta](#): > > There are plenty of ladies out there who will put out for a nice dinner, So it’s ok for a woman to have sex with a man in exchange for something of monetary value, just so long as it’s not cash? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2011, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/64 "2011-04-04T10:34:02Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Because paying a woman for sex is a lot more convenient than taking her out to dinner for sex? (Not to mention that in the latter case there’s absolutely no guarantee that sex will even happen.) Or it’s not going to happen in the first date and forget about “no strings attached”. If I ever hired a guy it would be simply so I could kick him out in the morning and be sure he’d stay out. I’d be interested on why and how, but it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. A long, long time ago (22 years to be exact), the subject of “being a virgin at 18” came up in a room in the YMCA, in New York. It turned out that out of some 16 people in the room, all 18 or over, only two weren’t virgins: the African-American schoolteacher from Miami who had several years on everybody else, and one of the Aussies, who had been taken to a brothel by his big brother (big brother had joked about it, the guy hadn’t taken it seriously, much less expected an actual “here, this is the place”). After some thought, there was general agreement that his case didn’t exactly “count” girlfriend-wise but that since he hadn’t, he should hie himself to a doctor as some STDs can be asymptomatic. In his case I would view the visit to the brothel more as “sexual abuse by someone (the brother) who views the abuse as a favor” than as this guy going to a brothel. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/65 "2011-04-05T21:13:14Z")
I remember listening to an [Intelligence Squared debate](http://intelligencesquaredus.org/index.php/past-debates/its-wrong-to-pay-for-sex/) in which anthropologist Lionel Tiger framed it in a new and compelling way for me: that it’s wrong to pay for (or engage in any capacity) _wrong_ sex: that which is coercive, to the criminal trafficking of sex slaves, anything which victimizes human beings. But it’s just incorrect to assume that this horrible state of affairs is the norm for all sexwork. There’s a lot of stigma and ugliness attached to prostitution that comes from legitimate victimization of human beings, from puritanic religious views about sex, and it’s (mostly) illegal status puts those who engage in it on the fringe of society regardless of whether their participation in it _did_ harm another human being. So like a number of other posters have mentioned, depending on the circumstances, motivation and level of safety practiced, I’d be okay with it. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/66 "2011-04-05T21:17:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m not sure. Are people who work at Wal-Mart to pay for their drug habit desperate? How about the people who work for airlines, or hospitals or the US government? Whores haven’t cornered the market on drug use or abuse. > > If we stop thinking out them as a monolithic group, we realize that there is no such thing as “a prostitute”. There’s Angela, who has never gotten along with a boss, ever, and so can’t keep a job more than two weeks, and there’s Tammy, who is going to school full time and has to pay for her daughter’s childcare - she could work a 12 hour shift on overnights, or she could have sex with two or three guys this week and use that time to sleep and study, and there’s Julie, who was abused by her dad and is really something of a trainwreck when it comes to sex, and there’s Samantha, who had a “you go, girl!” moment of sexual empowerment when the was 16 and never turned back, and there’s Morganna Wolfsbane, who considers herself a sacred prostitute serving her Goddess using Tantric energy to heal the Earth, and there’s Heather, whose hero is Annie Sprinkle and she’s turning tricks to produce her next performance piece, and no one’s quite sure if the tricks might actually be\*\* part of\*\* some really elaborate performance piece, 'cause you never know with Heather…there are myriad reasons why individuals turn to sex work. Even among those who do use drugs, just like among doctors who use drugs, there’s no telling why most of them chose to get into this work. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was something else. > > (Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent, but all of these except Julie are actual people I know. I’ve actually never met a sex worker who was abused as a kid, though I don’t deny that they’re out there.) This gets my vote for **Best in Thread** award. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/67 "2011-04-05T21:19:04Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Or it’s not going to happen in the first date and forget about “no strings attached”. If I ever hired a guy it would be simply so I could kick him out in the morning and be sure he’d stay out. > > I’d be interested on why and how, but it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. > A long, long time ago (22 years to be exact), the subject of “being a virgin at 18” came up in a room in the YMCA, in New York. It turned out that out of some 16 people in the room, all 18 or over, only two weren’t virgins: the African-American schoolteacher from Miami who had several years on everybody else, and one of the Aussies, who had been taken to a brothel by his big brother (big brother had joked about it, the guy hadn’t taken it seriously, much less expected an actual “here, this is the place”). After some thought, there was general agreement that his case didn’t exactly “count” girlfriend-wise but that since he hadn’t, he should hie himself to a doctor as some STDs can be asymptomatic. In his case I would view the visit to the brothel more as “sexual abuse by someone (the brother) who views the abuse as a favor” than as this guy going to a brothel. Oh, bullshit. Did the brother force him to fuck the prostitute? Because unless he did, that is not abuse of the younger brother in any sense of the term, and calling it abuse cheapens the term and insults people who have actually been abused. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/68 "2011-04-05T21:31:53Z")
It would depend on the age of the brother and the person when the incident happened, the relationship between the two and the effects afterwards. I think you’re being a wee bit hasty, and the whole ‘cheapen’ argument isnt something I tend to agree with anyhow. No matter what we do, abuse covers a huge range of acts and outcomes. Otara ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/69 "2011-04-06T10:32:22Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Oh, bullshit. Did the brother force him to fuck the prostitute? Because unless he did, that is not abuse of the younger brother in any sense of the term, and calling it abuse cheapens the term and insults people who have actually been abused. I did say I saw it as “more of”, that is “nearer”. Nearer \<\> identical. And putting a knife to someone’s throat isn’t the only way to force someone. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/70 "2011-04-06T10:45:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > and there’s Heather, whose hero is Annie Sprinkle and she’s turning tricks to produce her next performance piece, and no one’s quite sure if the tricks might actually be\*\* part of\*\* some really elaborate performance piece, 'cause you never know with Heather… What are the “tricks” ? The johns ? If so, I really don’t think they give a shit about her performance piece and “empowerment, sistah !” tripe. All they want is to bust their nut. Reminds me of a pr0n actress from here, Ovidie, who is/was fully into the Annie Sprinkle thing and thought herself of a sex-positive feminist when sucking cock on the screen (and she is also vegan and antifascist - yeah, the works). As if the men who beat it off watching her films cared :D. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/71 "2011-04-06T13:10:56Z")
> [@whynot](#): > > If we stop thinking out them as a monolithic group, we realize that there is no such thing as “a prostitute”. There’s Angela, who has never gotten along with a boss, ever, and so can’t keep a job more than two weeks, and there’s Tammy, who is going to school full time and has to pay for her daughter’s childcare - she could work a 12 hour shift on overnights, or she could have sex with two or three guys this week and use that time to sleep and study, and there’s Julie, who was abused by her dad and is really something of a trainwreck when it comes to sex, and there’s Samantha, who had a “you go, girl!” moment of sexual empowerment when the was 16 and never turned back, and there’s Morganna Wolfsbane, who considers herself a sacred prostitute serving her Goddess using Tantric energy to heal the Earth, and there’s Heather, whose hero is Annie Sprinkle and she’s turning tricks to produce her next performance piece, and no one’s quite sure if the tricks might actually be part of some really elaborate performance piece, 'cause you never know with Heather…there are myriad reasons why individuals turn to sex work. Even among those who do use drugs, just like among doctors who use drugs, there’s no telling why most of them chose to get into this work. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was something else. Gad, what a pile of deluded crap. “Morganna Wolfsbane” is a “sacred prostitute serving her Goddess using Tantric energy to heal the Earth.” Nutjob. Definitely some kind of abuse survivor. " Samantha, who had a “you go, girl!” moment of sexual empowerment when the was 16 and never turned back" What the fuck does that _mean_? “Heather, whose hero is Annie Sprinkle and she’s turning tricks to produce her next performance piece.” Why doesn’t she get a fucking job to pay for her shitty “performance art?” She turns tricks for money, just like any other prostitute. Also someone who was definitely molested. In fact, all three of your examples are, without question, abuse survivors now lying to themselves. They need intensive therapy, not to be humored in these high risk and self-destructive behaviors. The one with the kid needs to have CPS called, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![lexi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lexi/32/6806_2.png) [@lexi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lexi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/72 "2011-04-06T16:55:28Z")
I’m with DtC on this. Because I was a teenage street kid, I have known many prostitutes as friends, and in every case, these were abused girls who we exploited when younger. Every last one had come from an abusive family and most were first been pimped out as a teenager, some as young as 11 when they first were sold. Despite having met perhaps 200 sex workers, including gay males, teenage girls, and adult women - not one does not have abuse in their history. Not one has a healthy view of sex, not one has the ability to understand a loving sexual bond between two people. I can tell you stories about the strange desperation, such as female friends wanting to thank me (also female) sexually for giving them a hand, or trying to make every relationship sexual and not understanding a non-sexual friendship. Although they may no longer be exploited when they continue to work as adults, the reasons they work are rooted in the abuse & exploitation in their youth. Prostitution becomes normal to them, and those who are not part of their “circle” will not not their history. Most people do not want others to know that they are weak - and that history will be a secret to those who are not part of their world because it makes them look weak. I won’t discount that there is a possibility of a sex worker who has not come from a history of abuse and/or exploitation, but I have never met one. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/73 "2011-04-06T20:30:24Z")
> [@lexi](#): > > I’m with DtC on this. > > Because I was a teenage street kid, I have known many prostitutes as friends, and in every case, these were abused girls who we exploited when younger. Every last one had come from an abusive family and most were first been pimped out as a teenager, some as young as 11 when they first were sold. Despite having met perhaps 200 sex workers, including gay males, teenage girls, and adult women - not one does not have abuse in their history. Not one has a healthy view of sex, not one has the ability to understand a loving sexual bond between two people. I can tell you stories about the strange desperation, such as female friends wanting to thank me (also female) sexually for giving them a hand, or trying to make every relationship sexual and not understanding a non-sexual friendship. > > Although they may no longer be exploited when they continue to work as adults, the reasons they work are rooted in the abuse & exploitation in their youth. Prostitution becomes normal to them, and those who are not part of their “circle” will not not their history. > > Most people do not want others to know that they are weak - and that history will be a secret to those who are not part of their world because it makes them look weak. > > I won’t discount that there is a possibility of a sex worker who has not come from a history of abuse and/or exploitation, but I have never met one. Do you think that the people you met as a teenage street kid had a self-selecting effect on the types of prostitutes you met? ---
**Author:** ![lexi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lexi/32/6806_2.png) [@lexi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lexi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/74 "2011-04-06T21:10:20Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > Do you think that the people you met as a teenage street kid had a self-selecting effect on the types of prostitutes you met? No - because I also met others while in college and while I was working as a waitress in a hotel and as part of the arts scene. I think because of my personality and my past, people are far more likely to be honest with me about the kind of past they’ve had. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670/75 "2011-04-07T03:49:19Z")
Back to the OP. I’m somewhat bemused to learn that women don’t assume that a man has been with a prostitute. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-a-potential-date-had-slept-with-a-prostitute-in-the-past/576670.md?page=3)