# Would you be bothered if you were offered a dead person's possessions/clothes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 30, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657 "2009-01-30T01:21:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/41 "2009-01-30T22:42:23Z")
Heck no. I own a fine tuxedo (with matching velvet cloak) that I got when a distant uncle died. At the funeral I thought “I didn’t know you very well, Uncle Sam. But thanks for the tux.” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/42 "2009-01-30T22:45:13Z")
My mother has offered me the mattress that my grandmother slept in up until her death. Even though she did not actually pass away on that mattress, I still have found myself unable to take it. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/43 "2009-01-31T01:48:09Z")
I’m currently wearing a pair of my dad’s sweatpants that my grandmother pushed me to take when he died last year (as they had only been worn one or two times). I felt a little odd at first, but I’m pretty sure it was just because everything to do with him felt odd at the time. It wouldn’t bother me now, family member or not. ETA: And I wanted to add my condolances, **jsgoddess**. I’ve been away from the boards for awhile, so I only just saw the thread about your husband. I’m so very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/44 "2009-01-31T04:40:21Z")
Oh hell no! **EJ** was deeply honored to be offered one of our friend Norm’s ties after Norm passed away last year. Of course, we weren’t expecting one of [these](http://www.roberttalbott.com/rt_neckwear_Seven.htm)- :eek: He wears it with pride (and a bit of righteous paranoia that something will happen to it, like a dribble or something- they retail for about $245, I think). There is nothing ooky about wearing someone else’s clothes, regardless of the owner’s current status. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/45 "2009-01-31T09:13:38Z")
What’s the big deal? I live in a dead person’s house-in fact, SEVERAL dead people. Also, we are eating and drinking from glasses and plates that belonged tomy grandfather. Isn’t recycling green ,anyway? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/46 "2009-01-31T09:27:40Z")
It cannot hurt to ask. All but one of my uncles has now passed away (my grandfathers having died long before I was born) and I have at least one piece of clothing from each of them. I don’t necessarily wear them often, but I think about them whenever I see them. After I am gone nobody will know who these pieces belonged to, so I suppose they will be dumped as they are not worth passing along, but I have a lot of really nice clothes that I hope other people can enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/47 "2009-01-31T09:29:22Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Oh hell no! **EJ** was deeply honored to be offered one of our friend Norm’s ties after Norm passed away last year. Of course, we weren’t expecting one of [these](http://www.roberttalbott.com/rt_neckwear_Seven.htm)- :eek: He wears it with pride (and a bit of righteous paranoia that something will happen to it, like a dribble or something- they retail for about $245, I think). > > There is nothing ooky about wearing someone else’s clothes, regardless of the owner’s current status. 🙂 My necktie collection features a couple of Robert Talbot Seven Folds, and one is even a 1/40. I used to have enough money to collect outrageous ties. I have about three dozen stunning ties. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@The\_Tof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tof)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/48 "2009-01-31T11:27:29Z")
After my cousin died this spring… my Aunt gave gave my mom a bunch of his clothes to let me go through. She was going to donate them to Goodwill anyway, but thought there might be stuff I’d like. I ended up with a handful of shirts. I have to admit- it was a little creepy at first… although I’m not sure why. he didn’t die in them. Had I bought them at Goodwill, I surely would not have noticed at all. Now I don’t think about it. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/49 "2009-01-31T13:19:18Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > When a guy was lost at sea? I undertand sailors were suspiciou-it was bad luck to weara dead guy’s clothes. When a life was lost all the dead man’s belongings were immediately auctioned off to the rest of the crew and the money collected would be sent to the family of the dead man. This was done because the master could safeguard the money but could not safeguard the items and also because the fellow sailors had a chance to help the family of the lost sailor by bidding high. > [@](#): > > During the Napoleonic Wars it was commonplace to auction off the possessions of dead soldiers and sailors to their comrades, with the money being passed on to the deceased’s family. > [@](#): > > Two Years Before The Mast > A Personal Narrative of Life at Sea > By Richard Henry Dana, Jr. > > Monday, Nov. 19th. This was a black day in our calendar. At seven o’clock in the morning, it being our watch below, we were aroused from a sound sleep by the cry of “All hands ahoy! a man overboard!” This unwonted cry sent a thrill through the heart of every one, and hurrying on deck we found the vessel hove flat aback, with all her studding-sails set; for the boy who was at the helm left it to throw something overboard, and the carpenter, who was an old sailor, knowing that the wind was light, put the helm down and hove her aback. The watch on deck were lowering away the quarter-boat, and I got on deck just in time to heave myself into her as she was leaving the side; but it was not until out upon the wide Pacific, in our little boat, that I knew whom we had lost. It was George Ballmer, a young English sailor, who was prized by the officers as an active lad and willing seaman, and by the crew as a lively, hearty fellow, and a good shipmate. He was going aloft to fit a strap round the main top-mast-head, for ringtail halyards, and had the strap and block, a coil of halyards and a marline-spike about his neck. He fell from the starboard futtock shrouds, and not knowing how to swim, and being heavily dressed, with all those things round his neck, he probably sank immediately. We pulled astern, in the direction in which he fell, and though we knew that there was no hope of saving him, yet no one wished to speak of returning, and we rowed about for nearly an hour, without the hope of doing anything, but unwilling to acknowledge to ourselves that we must give him up. At length we turned the boat’s head and made towards the vessel. > . . . > Yet a sailor’s life is at best, but a mixture of a little good with much evil, and a little pleasure with much pain. The beautiful is linked with the revolting, the sublime with the commonplace, and the solemn with the ludicrous. > > \*\*We had hardly returned on board with our sad report, before an auction was held of the poor man’s clothes. The captain had first, however, called all hands aft and asked them if they were satisfied that everything had been done to save the man, and if they thought there was any use in remaining there longer. The crew all said that it was in vain, for the man did not know how to swim, and was very heavily dressed. So we then filled away and kept her off to her course. > > The laws regulating navigation make the captain answerable for the effects of a sailor who dies during the voyage, and it is either a law or a universal custom, established for convenience, that the captain should immediately hold an auction of his things, in which they are bid off by the sailors, and the sums which they give are deducted from their wages at the end of the voyage. In this way the trouble and risk of keeping his things through the voyage are avoided, and the clothes are usually sold for more than they would be worth on shore. Accordingly, we had no sooner got the ship before the wind, than his chest was brought up upon the forecastle, and the sale began. The jackets and trowsers in which we had seen him dressed but a few days before, were exposed and bid off while the life was hardly out of his body, and his chest was taken aft and used as a store-chest, so that there was nothing left which could be called his. Sailors have an unwillingness to wear a dead man’s clothes during the same voyage, and they seldom do so unless they are in absolute want. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/50 "2009-01-31T14:31:42Z")
This is a cultural thing, but I wouldn’t have anything belonging to a dead person. Stuff they gave me while they were still alive (even as they were dying), yep, that’s fine; stuff they owned at the time of their death, not a chance. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/51 "2009-01-31T15:34:29Z")
> [@Kal](#): > > This is a cultural thing, but I wouldn’t have anything belonging to a dead person. Stuff they gave me while they were still alive (even as they were dying), yep, that’s fine; stuff they owned at the time of their death, not a chance. So if your mother dies and leaves you several buildings, cars, money, jewels and other valuables you would just give it all to charity? Where do you draw the line? Or do you only mean clothes? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/52 "2009-01-31T15:35:39Z")
Not creepy. My MIL gave me some of her husband’s clothes after he died, and while it was a bit odd in that he was 40 years older and a good deal smaller than me, I accepted them (the belts and ties, anyway. Anything else wouldn’t have fit) and now probably couldn’t pick them out of my wardrobe. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/53 "2009-01-31T16:08:15Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > My necktie collection features a couple of Robert Talbot Seven Folds, and one is even a 1/40. I used to have enough money to collect outrageous ties. I have about three dozen stunning ties. My hubby does too- but they are hardly ever worn. In fact, I’m sure most of them still have the tags on them. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/54 "2009-02-01T00:11:32Z")
My condolences again **jsgoddess**. The offer is being made with genuine goodwill and should be either taken or refused with the same courtesy. Anything you feel even slightly ambivalent about giving away - stays. You can go through things again in a year or ten years and decide again to keep or not keep things. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/55 "2009-02-01T03:49:01Z")
Some people may not like being offered used clothes or things they might consider “beneath them” like leftovers. Yes, when offered in good faith they should just politely accept or decline but it may happen that you catch them by surprise and make them uncomfortable. The same as when asking a favor. In such cases I try to present it in such a way that I already suggest and make easy the way out for them. If you have any excuse to do it by email that is even better as it gives the person time to think their response. The bad thing is when you catch someone off-guard. If you say point-blank, “do you want this?” they may feel awkward saying no because they might think your feelings might be hurt. I might try something like: I have all this stuff that I want to give to someone who can put it to good use and I would be glad to give it to you if you can use it but if you have no use for it then maybe you can suggest or direct me to some organization who can use it. Or suggest that you have planned to give it to Goodwill but that they are things which have sentimental value and if your friend has any use for any item you would love to give her first option. That way you are already suggesting an alternative which they can grab even if it is to say they are sorry but they do not know any place. You are already suggesting that you would feel their non-interest to be very normal and acceptable. I had a friend who had a bunch of clothes to give away and he approached me somewhat embarrassed about it in case I might be offended. I thought saying I did not want them might make him uncomfortable so, even though I really did not need them, I told him I would be happy to take them, keep any that fit me and distribute the rest. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/56 "2009-02-01T04:10:15Z")
When I was just out of school and starting my career, an older cousin of mine died. My aunt gave me some of my cousin’s suits. It made her feel good to know they were getting use. I appreciated them. If I hadn’t wanted them, I would have told her “no thanks” and not been offended or anything. I did make sure not to wear them in from of my aunt, but that was the only time I had reservations about wearing them. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/57 "2009-02-01T04:59:03Z")
I inherited my maternal grandfather’s wedding ring. My sister inherited my grandmother’s ring and wears it often. She wondered why I don’t do the same, and I said a wedding ring is just too personal to wear if it’s not mine. I don’t think I’ve inherited any clothes from a dead person, but if was presented as “we found all these old clothes at (deceased’s place), would you like any” than I don’t think I would mind. If it was presented more formally as an inheritance, I probably would. In the first case it sounds just like housecleaning. The second case it’s more personal and that would for whatever odd reason would spook me. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/58 "2009-02-01T19:46:17Z")
I don’t see how it’s any different from wearing Gramma’s wedding dress, or whatever. A friend of mine inherited his grandfather’s tuxedo from the 1930s-1940s. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657/59 "2009-02-02T15:21:51Z")
I think if you say something like “\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ thought a lot of you, and you’re about the same size – you’re welcome to any of his nice clothes you might like,” that’s a nice tribute. I have a beautiful cashmere coat from a dead dentist! It fits me perfectly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-bothered-if-you-were-offered-a-dead-persons-possessions-clothes/483657.md?page=2)