# Would you be offended if someone set up a divorce pool during your wedding? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2021, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865 "2021-11-05T23:24:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SunUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SunUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunUp)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/21 "2021-11-07T01:33:13Z")
Depends on the rules of the pool. Does the happy couple get the money if they pass the last guess still together? If so, I would have invited every sucker I knew. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/22 "2021-11-07T01:44:50Z")
I would be surprised that people would (1) be gambling at a wedding (2) be gambling over something like this, twi (really, more) people’s happiness That it was my wedding wouldn’t bother me as such, but it would make me question the value of my relationship with the people involved. I tend to avoid gambling related activities anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/23 "2021-11-07T03:02:11Z")
I’m quite familiar with the concept. At my first wedding, the general consensus was that we wouldn’t make it to two years. We made it to three. At my second wedding, the betting was we wouldn’t last a year. We’ll be married 40 years this month. OTOH, my nephew’s first marriage crumbled even faster than the betting pool predicted. Overall, I’m more amused than offended, although if someone bet $10K that the bride and groom wouldn’t make it a year, I’d be offended by that. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/24 "2021-11-07T04:12:27Z")
> [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](#): > > The odds? > Seems like you & your bride could force the result – place a big bet on a specific date, and then separate on that date, and split the winnings. (And reconcile later, if you want to.) But that’s the thing - we wouldn’t put in just one bet. “Holy shit, he’s got 6 years, 3 months, 10 years, and tomorrow! WTF?!?” ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/25 "2021-11-07T04:29:57Z")
It’s a bit tacky but, no, I wouldn’t see the point in getting offended, and honestly wouldn’t care. Have at it, boys and girls. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/26 "2021-11-07T12:51:49Z")
Oh I like that! may just take to sending a nice card and nominal present, and tell them to invite me to the 10 anniversary. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2021, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/27 "2021-11-07T14:15:27Z")
Ummm . . . Dumb guy question. Am I supposed to invite people to my 10 year anniversary? We just did 8 and I just assumed we’d get a hotel room and go enjoy ourselves like we’ve done for all the others. I didn’t realize you had guests before you lost the ability to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/28 "2021-11-08T01:55:21Z")
Why not join the pool? It’s an win win. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/29 "2021-11-08T02:00:13Z")
> [@Oly](#): > > Why not join the pool? It’s an win win. - It might even be enough to fund the divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/30 "2021-11-08T02:05:45Z")
Not really. Some people like to throw a party for any occasion, some people don’t. That’s really a decision for you and your wife. But can I get in on the “how many times will you have sex that night” pool? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/31 "2021-11-08T02:09:25Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > But can I get in on the “how many times will you have sex that night” pool? Sure, but I’ve already got the bet down on once but you can pick any of the other numbers at $20 a pop. PM me for an address to send the money. ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/32 "2021-11-08T20:28:22Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > there was an unofficial divorce pool going on as opposed to an official one? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/33 "2021-11-08T20:33:26Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Am I supposed to invite people to my 10 year anniversary? We were actually just on our 10 year anniversary this past weekend – just took my wife and kids out to the romantic town of Sheboygan, Wisconsin! But, yes, before we did that, my wife asked whether we should have a dinner party with my family and friends, so it is a thing some people do. I’ve seen it done more for 25th and 50th anniversaries and things like that, but, as a photographer, I’ve photographed a one-year anniversary, so, apparently, it is a thing some people do. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/34 "2021-11-08T20:50:56Z")
I admit, I answered “no, and I’d get in on it” though the true answer is yeah, I’d be offended. When we got married, 4 weeks after my older brother, there was a very different dynamic between the two weddings. Bro had the big church wedding. Both families heartily approved of the match. Very similar religious and socioeconomic backgrounds (Catholic, slightly-upper-middle-class). Both he and his bride were well on their way with their careers. All in all, it looked like a very good thing. We had a tiny, immediate-family-only, thing where we took our vows at the police station. Both of my parents tried to urge me to reconsider up until the very last minute. Even my brother wrote me a letter urging me not to rush into anything. My husband came from a Jewish family; he was still in grad school. All in all, the odds didn’t look good. I’m quite certain my parents did not expect things to last. though I don’t think there was any betting pool involved. My brother announced his divorce a couple of months after my mother passed away - I think he was intentionally holding off until then - to avoid distressing her, or to avoid the feedback, or whatever. Anyway, had there been a pool, I think I’d have won it 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/35 "2021-11-08T21:01:17Z")
If I had found out someone was doing this at my wedding, I would’ve simply joined in the pool. To me weddings are no big deal. The marriage is, the vows are, the commitment is. The wedding itself is just a gaudy party where everyone has role to play with expected dress and behavior. _Bor-ing_. If people start betting on the final health of the marriage, then more power to them. Liven it up a bit. I wouldn’t find it offensive at all. Tacky, perhaps, but a lot of wedding traditions are really tacky when you think about it. The father giving away the bride (that one is mildly offensive, actually), the bridal veil (also kind of offensive), the bride and groom feeding each other a piece of cake, the whole garter ceremony thing… it’s all rooted in misogyny and patriarchal social control. Something like betting on the outcome of the marriage is actually pretty tame. FTR I met my wife when I was 19 and she 21. We were engaged 6 months later, married two and a half years after that, and now, 19 years later, we’re still together and we still like each other a whole lot. Now, if someone was betting on whether or not I would ever finish school, or be a good father… those I would find offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/36 "2021-11-08T21:32:30Z")
> [@Lancia](#): > > To me weddings are no big deal. The marriage is, the vows are, the commitment is. The wedding itself is just a gaudy party where everyone has role to play with expected dress and behavior. _Bor-ing_ . If people start betting on the final health of the marriage, then more power to them. Your position doesn’t make sense to me. I agree that people get too worked up about the wedding when the marriage is what matters. But the bet here is about the marriage, not the wedding. I can imagine being amused by a snarky game of wedding bingo, with guests smirking as they mark squares for “someone does that dumb Corinthians reading” or “maid of honor talks about her own wedding (again).” My feelings might be a little hurt if I was the target of the mockery, but it’s still on a whole other level from taking bets on the sincerity of the commitment that the wedding represents. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2021, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/37 "2021-11-08T22:36:41Z")
> [@Esprise\_Me](#): > > My feelings might be a little hurt if I was the target of the mockery, but it’s still on a whole other level from taking bets on the sincerity of the commitment that the wedding represents. Maybe it’s because very few of us, with a couple of notable exceptions like the guy noted upthread who was getting married just for the tax benefits, go into a marriage thinking that it’ll end soon, or that we aren’t 10000000% committed to making it work, or that we’re otherwise doomed to failure. Our friends, who aren’t looking at the whole thing through rose-colored glasses, may have a more accurate assessment of our relationship – recognizing poison when they see it, perhaps. IOW I’m about as far from being an objective observer of my own relationship as one can get, and if all my buddies are making bets that my marriage won’t last then maybe they see something that I just can’t see. As a result I’m not going to be too butthurt over it if I find out a significant portion think that my relationship won’t last. It would probably cause me to try to look for weak spots in the relationship, see it from their perspective, and try to fix the problems that have been identified. It might actually be a _healthy_ thing to learn that your friends have done such a thing. The flip side of this argument is that a marriage takes the commitment of two people. I can be 100% committed to my marriage but still that’s only 50% of the equation. If my spouse doesn’t have the same commitment I do then the sincerity of my commitment is kind of a moot point: there isn’t a 100% commitment to the relationship, if that makes sense. If a bunch of other people can see that when I’m standing at the altar… I’m going to be hard-pressed to judge what appears obvious to everyone else. I’m also saying this as someone who’s north of 40 and has been married two decades and knows what a roller coaster it can be and just how much _work_ it takes to make it work – a huge part of which is simply shutting up and listening to what my spouse has to say and trying to look at whatever issue is at hand from her perspective. If you had asked me this question when I was 22, perhaps my answer would’ve been different. I was 22 when I got married and I knew several people didn’t think it would last. That was 19 years ago and we’re still together, mostly happy. If anyone took bets on us divorcing then I’m sure they’ve lost by now. On the other hand I know at least two couples that I’m sure won’t last: they like the idea of being married, they just don’t really like who they’re married to. I’ve not put money on their marriage failing only because I’m not the gambling type. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2021, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/38 "2021-11-09T01:26:49Z")
I don’t see how that addresses the point I made, which was that the distinction you drew between weddings and marriage doesn’t make sense as a basis to not be offended by this bet. You are now proffering a completely different explanation. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2021, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/39 "2021-11-09T03:03:02Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > It’s quite tacky to do such a thing. Tacky is being overly polite. Fu\*king offensive is more like it, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2021, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865/40 "2021-11-09T03:49:04Z")
Nah, I’m with **octopus**. Tacky. Gauche. Silly. Ungainly. Big load of who gives a fuck from me as you can tell. Why waste energy being offended? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-offended-if-someone-set-up-a-divorce-pool-during-your-wedding/953865.md?page=3)