# Would you be the supportive, trusting spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 8, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697 "2011-02-08T21:30:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/1 "2011-02-08T21:30:29Z")
You are married. It’s a good marriage and you love and trust your spouse. Then one day the cops come to your door with a warrant for your spouse’s arrest. The crime is a terrible one, and there’s a lot of evidence. Your spouse says it’s all some kind of mistake and the crime would be completely out of character, but there is no easy explanation for the evidence. The evidence is enough that if the accused were a stranger and you were on the jury, you’d have no problem thinking the person guilty. But it’s your beloved spouse, whom you trust. You can either believe the evidence, or put your trust in your spouse. Which one is more likely for you? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/2 "2011-02-08T21:36:43Z")
I’ve proved to be a notoriously poor judge of character, so I’m siding with the cops. Sorry, Mr. Beetle. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/3 "2011-02-08T21:42:02Z")
I’d believe my spouse, because if there’s one thing in the world that Mr. Athena is not, it’s a good liar. He can’t even tell little white lies without feeling guilty about it, and when he feels guilty, he starts acting weird and snappy. I’d figure out he was lying within a few days in the OP’s scenario. If he told me it was a mistake and he didn’t start acting all strange, I’d believe what he said, and support him. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/4 "2011-02-08T21:43:50Z")
It depends on the crime. Hurting a child or animal? Not a chance I’d believe it. Getting into, say, a road-rage type alteration? Unlikely, but I could be convinced with enough evidence. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/5 "2011-02-08T21:46:12Z")
I’d believe my wife. She can’t lie for shit, but it’s not just that- I’d believe her because we’ve always been completely honest and forthright with each other so if she told me it was a mistake, I’d believe her. Also, I’ve known her since she was 18 (we’re in our 40’s now), and I know what kind of person she is. She doesn’t have it in her to commit a horrendous crime. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/6 "2011-02-08T21:46:58Z")
It would be very difficult, but I’d be inclined to side with law enforcement if the evidence seemed overwhelming. I’ve been close to people who are very good at lying to my face. You hear people all the time talking about how they just couldn’t imagine that so-and-so was capable of such a thing. And yet, so-and-so very much was capable. It could happen. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/7 "2011-02-08T21:48:44Z")
If it were my brother, or any of several of my friends, I’d believe the cops. My husband and at least one of my friends can’t lie for shit, so I’d be on their side. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/8 "2011-02-08T21:51:28Z")
I’d side with my spouse, but I suppose I could be shocked out of my belief in his good character. Similar to Mr. Athena’s and Mrs corkboard’s inability to lie, my spouse can’t schedule for shit. I’m pretty sure I’d know if something was up. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/9 "2011-02-08T21:53:24Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You are married. It’s a good marriage and you love and trust your spouse. > > Then one day the cops come to your door with a warrant for your spouse’s arrest. The crime is a terrible one, and there’s a lot of evidence. Your spouse says it’s all some kind of mistake and the crime would be completely out of character, but there is no easy explanation for the evidence. The evidence is enough that if the accused were a stranger and you were on the jury, you’d have no problem thinking the person guilty. But it’s your beloved spouse, whom you trust. > > You can either believe the evidence, or put your trust in your spouse. > > Which one is more likely for you? I believe her, for the same reason she’d believe me: We both work full time and we have a VERY demanding 7 year old kid at home. If the cops came to me claiming my wife was having an affair and had shot her lover at a motel, all the evidence in the world wouldn’t change my response: “Yeah… like she has TIME to do any of that!” ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/10 "2011-02-08T22:03:53Z")
Depends on the details. In court it has to be beyond reasonable doubt, for her it would need to be beyond all doubt. People have deceived people for years so its always a theoretical possibility, but this would be so unlikely that it would have to be awfully convincing for me to consider it. Otara ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/11 "2011-02-08T22:08:00Z")
A one-armed man did it. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/12 "2011-02-08T22:20:51Z")
I’d believe my spouse. I’ve seen enough cases in my line of work with “overwhelming” evidence that turned out to be a complete fuckup. [This is one major local example.](http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2010/02/10/derris-lewis.html) ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/13 "2011-02-08T22:33:35Z")
I’d side with my spouse and if latter proven wrong I would do my best to get her off anyway. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/14 "2011-02-08T22:38:55Z")
mrAru can’t lie to me worth shit, he gets twitchy when he tries to hide a surprise birthday present from me, or arrange a surprise party. Have an affair? He has my permission. Kill someone? He would have a seriously good reason to do it, and it would be self defense. Kill someone accidently? If he did, he would be the one to report it to the cops. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/15 "2011-02-08T22:42:08Z")
I’d trust him. I would certainly be hopeful that if I were in the same situation, he would be trusting enough to believe me in my time of need. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/16 "2011-02-08T23:16:58Z")
I’d trust my spouse, seeing as I’ve yet to see him do anything bad without a very, very, very good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/17 "2011-02-09T05:00:44Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > I’d believe my spouse. I’ve seen enough cases in my line of work with “overwhelming” evidence that turned out to be a complete fuckup. [This is one major local example.](http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2010/02/10/derris-lewis.html) Yes, I have to agree with this. It would take a lot for a man to earn my trust enough to marry him, and once he has that trust it would take a lot more than anything the law could come up with to break it. I live in Illinois where we had to clear out death row because of the fuck-ups in evidence gathering. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/18 "2011-02-09T05:49:19Z")
My spouse is more important to me than any stranger she may have hurt. I’d be supportive whether or not she was guilty ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/19 "2011-02-09T06:05:28Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > I’d side with my spouse and if latter proven wrong I would do my best to get her off anyway. Hopefully you’ve got some experience with the latter part of this. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697/20 "2011-02-09T06:16:00Z")
I would believe my spouse. He wears his heart on his sleeve and I would know right away if something was up. He also can’t lie for crap. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-be-the-supportive-trusting-spouse/570697.md?page=2)