# Would you become a vampire?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 9, 2000, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358 "2000-04-09T03:16:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/1 "2000-04-09T03:16:00Z")
Assuming (a) that vampirism is real (it isn’t, but go with me on this) and (b) that the condition is much as stated by most literature (live forever without aging, able to turn into bat/wolf/mist, able to command creatures of the night, superhuman strength, must prey on humans to survive, sunlight is fatal, churches are off-limits)…
If someone offered you a chance to “sign up” would you take it? And why or why not?
[This isn’t in Great Debates, so religious reasoning should be kept to a minimum, if that’s possible.]
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### Author:  [@TaleraRis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TaleraRis)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/2 "2000-04-09T03:18:00Z")
I probably would. I roleplay a lot of vampire characters on IRC and I rather have a nice feel for them. I wouldn’t be the gloomy type, though. I’d be my vampire Talera…she’s a scientist working on the cure for vampirism. I never was one for the goth scene 😃
* * *
I rode Omni in Springfield, IL
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### Author:  [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/3 "2000-04-09T03:24:00Z")
Hell no. How amazingly boring can you get? Get up… act all forlorn and crap, drink some chick’s blood, act forlorn some more, then scurry home before sunrise. Repeat for the next thousand or so years.
The gypsy followers would be cool though. I could get into the gypsies…
* * *
“I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”
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### Author:  [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/4 "2000-04-09T03:53:00Z")
Preying on humans. Fatal sunlight. Crazed villagers ramming my door (imagine the expense in boiling oil alone).
Thanks, I’ll pass.
* * *
_God is my co-pilot. Blame Him._
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### Author:  [@El\_Smasho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Smasho)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/5 "2000-04-09T04:38:00Z")
I would have to say: yes. I mean, in this day and age, getting my hands on some nice vintage type AB wouldn’t be that hard; in other words, people wouldn’t suffer. I think that it wouldn’t be that difficult being a “good” vampire (killing people would be needless).
On the other hand, what’s the point of being a vampire if you can’t terrorize the townsfolk and watch your friends dye? But yeah, I’d do it. As long as it didn’t involve _too_ much red velvet. That stuff can get out of hand if you’re not careful.
And another thing, getting my ass kicked by some “churchy la femme” isn’t really me, but getting my ass kicked by, like, Buffy, wouldn’t be that bad (tee-hee).
* * *
Hey, if it ain’t broke, give ME a shot at it.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/6 "2000-04-09T07:19:00Z")
**Brainiac4** wrote:
> [@](#):
>
> If someone offered you a chance to “sign up” would you take it? And why or why not?
Good lord, no. I fancy myself a bit of a poet, and vampire poetry is the worst stuff in the world. I would end up producing stuff like:
i can hear her heartbeat and the sound
of blood gushing blood through her neck
the pale full moon
softly shines on her beautiful face
her lips that I crave to bite
i touch my teeth, so sharp and ready,
with my thirsty tongue
and I step out of the shadows
she sees me, but she does not know me
i am the night
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### Author:  [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/7 "2000-04-09T08:14:00Z")
\<\<\<\\>\>\> This cracked me up Mr. K!! 😃
## Nah, I’d pass too. Though staying up all night is what I do so well already, it would be wonderful to put that to good use, but I don’t think I’d consider hunting humans a sport that interests me.
Judy
* * *
“Muck should replace ‘suck’. For ‘muck’ is yucky, while ‘suck’ feels very lucky. So, don’t stay stuck on suck, switch to MUCK, today.”
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### Author:  [@Zico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zico)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/8 "2000-04-09T14:06:00Z")
## And never, ever being able to get a side order of garlic bread at Pizza Hut without dissolving in your own juices.
The award-winning [http://porkypies.tripod.com](http://porkypies.tripod.com)
Lying - it’s not big and it’s not clever
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/9 "2000-04-09T16:25:00Z")
I’d do it. In a (lack of) heartbeat.
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### Author:  [@scullythevampire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scullythevampire)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/10 "2000-04-09T16:27:00Z")
I doubt it. I would really, really miss Twinkies after the first 500 years or so. And evening wear, ALL the time? HELL no!
* * *
~stv
¡Voltroñ!
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### Author:  [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/11 "2000-04-09T16:28:00Z")
Nope. Perfectly happy with beer as a vital fluid.
* * *
_…send lawyers, guns, and money…_
```
Warren Zevon
```
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### Author:  [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/12 "2000-04-09T21:20:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> …sunlight is fatal, churches are off-limits
I’m pretty much there already.
Yeah, I’d sign up, assuming that it wouldn’t turn me evil.
I already love the taste of blood. Anyone else going to admit to that?
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### Author:  [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/13 "2000-04-09T21:37:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I already love the taste of blood. Anyone else going to admit to that?
Only when the blood is soaked into a 16oz steak, cooked rare.
* * *
“I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”
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### Author:  [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/14 "2000-04-09T21:49:00Z")
Nah. I mean, how would you make a living? We can’t all be wealthy Counts, after all. You can’t work during the day, obviously, and you have to hunt at night. It would just be too complicated.
* * *
## Catrandom
Go to a vet that’s also a taxidermist. Either way, you’ll get your cat back. _Sig courtesy of the amazing WallyM7_
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### Author:  [@SterlingNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingNorth)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/15 "2000-04-09T22:57:00Z")
Nah, If I could be immortal, I want something more to show for it than transforming into a bat. Now if I could be a puckish faerie or sprite, then let’s talk. I already playing pranks on people, and I already consider humans to be the most absurd creatures in existance.
I’d fit right in.
* * *
When crime is organized enough, it’s not even against the law.
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### Author:  [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/16 "2000-04-09T23:04:00Z")
Well, as of this moment, I am taking a break from attempting to write a Java program for one of my classes, and studying for a big test next week. These classes I am taking are to prepare me for some sort of career. What kind, I have no clue. I’m not even entirely certain what I want out of a career, I just know I have to go through many more years of stress to get it. In any case, by the time I graduate, the tech bubble will probably have burst, and I will have expended all of this blood, sweat, and tears for nothing.
At times like this, packing it all in and becoming a creature of the night seems very appealing indeed. And I also like the taste of blood, too. So where do I sign?
* * *
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
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### Author:  [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)
#### Post date: [April 10, 2000, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/17 "2000-04-10T00:13:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> If someone offered you a chance to “sign up” would you take it? And why or why not?
Only if Brad Pitt was doing the honors! 🙂
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)
#### Post date: [April 10, 2000, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/18 "2000-04-10T01:00:00Z")
**SterlingNorth** wrote:
> [@](#):
>
> I already consider humans to be the most absurd creatures in existance.
When people say stuff like this, I wonder who they’re comparing humans to. Martians, maybe?
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [April 10, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/19 "2000-04-10T01:28:00Z")
Aside from having to feast on blood (yuck), I wouldn’t want to live forever. I don’t want to out-live all my friends. Too sad.
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [April 10, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-become-a-vampire/16358/20 "2000-04-10T02:26:00Z")
Y’all _do_ know that vampires are celibate?
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