Would you call this behavior homophobic? BENIGNLY homophobic?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Hydrophobia is so-named because in late-stage rabies one of the major symptoms is a panic when presented with water or other liquids.

Xenophobia comes from xenophoby which originally meant in the early 20th century a ‘fear of foreigners’ in particular a fear of changing the culture, taking jobs and crime. The traditional bete noirs surrounding immigrants.

Homophobia was indeed coined in the 1960s by a psychologist, George Weinberg to be exact and he meant it precisely as it is formulated, a fear of homosexuality. Weinberg in a 1998 interview said of the term, ‘It was a fear of homosexuals which seemed to be associated with a fear of contagion, a fear of reducing the things one fought for — home and family.’ Whether it was meant as a slur or not I suppose is debateable. Weinberg wanted it classified as a mental illness in the DSM, which I don’t think exactly sounds to me anyway like he meant it in a positive or neutral manner. I would view being told that my thoughts and opinions warranted psychiatric treatment to be pretty disparaging, but maybe others wouldn’t.

62

Late to this thread… I would say the described behaviour is obviously not the most toxic form of homophobia I’ve ever heard of, but I wouldn’t call it ‘benign’, just because of the persuasive pressure element.

“I wish you were different from how you are” is, I guess, OK to have as a thought in your head (I mean, you can’t always control what you think or hope), but it’s pretty messed up to come out and say it.
Seems similar in principle (if not in scale) to saying “gee, I wish you’d given me something different” when you open a gift - rude, pointless, and potentially destructive to both the relationship and the feelings of the person you say it to.

63

Definitely insulting.

64

“truthful” is meaningless when applied to a term like “homophobic” which has no independent meaning.

Unless you seriously are a Freudian psychiatrist, in which case yes, you may use the term with a technical meaning when talking to other Freudian psychiatrists.

65

Almost surely misguided. But ‘homophobic’ is basically a political term without a fixed meaning. Others pointed out that ‘homophobic’ is not limited to literal ‘fear’. Fair enough. But the term is also used sometimes to shut down legitimate discussion IMO. As for example the degree to which lesbianism (not male homosexuality) is a choice. Saying lesbianism is 0% choice in all cases and women are either 0% lesbian or 100% is politics not science. Even saying that about gay men is politics, though it might be a closer approximation to the scientific truth as a practical matter.

But the father doesn’t know to what degree the daughter is making a choice. She may not know to what exact extent it’s a choice, if it is at all in her particular case. We certainly don’t know.

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Just my 50-cents worth; Please forgive me if this seems coldly rational or completely insensitive or maybe even doesn’t address the OP at all.

I find it harshly ironic that the father is covering his misgivings with such light apprehensions as “Your life would be easier if…”

My imaginative mind is playing with (some presumptions and) a scene in which the daughter is noting, "Dad, maybe you haven’t noticed this in two decades, but I’m female – and, quite frankly, you made me this way* and I didn’t have a choice about that, either.

So, in spite of anyone’s preferences, the reality is that I’ve had a less-than-ideal life just because I’m part of a 51% majority population that is allowed a 35% or less pay scale and suffers a socio-political disadvantage as if we were far less than half the human population. In other words I know quite well what it’s like to be disadvantaged, teased, cheated, scorned, and constantly fearing (if not experiencing) physical, social, legal, and sexual abuse.

I’m glad you want my life to be ideal but, since you didn’t make me an affluent white$ male, I’ve already suffered various hardships over my __ years and the challenges of being gay in modern society are ultimately just one more thing I’ll deal with in life.

But I’ll willingly deal with it (along with those other things) because following my heart will make those other difficulties in life a bit easier to face. Would you really rather I lie to the world, to you, to myself, and endure the constant misery of that deception in addition to all the other challenges I already have to face?"
–G!
*It is, after all, the male that carries & delivers the X and/or Y chromosomes, thereby determining the sexual morphology of the resulting child. Also, given no other clues from the OP, I’m assuming the daughter in this topic is a biological (rather than step-) daughter.
$The OP did not specify the first two but, since he did specify the third, the boolean trio becomes impossible. The daughter has even more challenges to face if she is also non-white, non-affluent, non-Christian, non…
…and if she’s willing to face the challenges of being gay as well, then MORE POWER TO HER!

67

I was kind of going with the crowd on this one, until I came across this statement. My 16-week-old child’s mother and I have agreed that our daughter can choose any lifestyle she wants, and we will support her choices. Lesbian, transexual, whatever.

But, shit, we’re not homophobic to hope that she ends up in the mathematical majority. That’s just practical; she’ll already have enough of burden being mixed race.

68

Since no one else seems to have said it, I want to point out that “breaking the word down into morphemes” is the etymological fallacy. Words mean what the majority people use them to mean, not what the parts mean, nor what it originally meant.

As for the father’s actions: what crosses the line for me is not the stuff about choosing. (I mean, she could be bisexual or something and still be able to choose to present as straight and still be happy.) It’s the fact that he’s forcing the issue. Merely telling his daughter that being a lesbian is hard and asking her if she’s sure–that is not bad parenting. But he should then respect what she says. He doesn’t have the right to force her to try to be straight.

Trying to force someone to be straight is definitely homophobic, even if the underlying intentions are understandable.

69

Oh, and, now that I’ve read some other arguments, let me clarify what the meaning of homophobia is, as used by most people: prejudice or bigotry against LGB people.

And the concept is not as nebulous as people might claim. I think we can all agree that forcing someone to pretend to be straight is homophobic. Wouldn’t you think a white father was racist if he forced his white daughter to paint herself white to try and “pass”? Would it matter that life is easier for white people?

70

The word “bad” has no independent meaning. Does that mean I’ve insulted you if I tell you you did a bad job? No. I have simply truthfully expressed that I thought you did a bad job. This may make you feel bad, but that doesn’t mean I insulted you.

And this isn’t some semantic game. This logic is dangerous. It is never good when a neutral descriptor of a bad action is treated like an insult. If it’s an insult, then there becomes no civil way to tell someone that the bad action is wrong. They thus can dismiss all criticism because the person is being uncivil.

Look at why some people try to redefine “racist” as an insult. It allows them to ignore the underlying issue if someone points out they are being racist. Similarly, treating “homophobic” as an insult allows people to ignore the issue if someone tells them they are being homophobic.

If I tell you that you made a bad post, I am not insulting you. I am telling you what I honestly think. I am being truthful, not insulting.

71

You say it’s “definitely insulting” for a homophobic person to hear the truth that he’s homophobic. Bullshit. The truth cannot be insulting, unless he is homophobic and at the same time terribly ashamed of that fact. I say, if he IS paralyzed with shame, good; and if he’s insulted, what a moron.