# Would you consider dating someone with herpes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799 "2010-08-19T22:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/101 "2010-08-24T01:08:59Z")
> [@Jeneva](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Particularly in the case of lesbian relationships, no? My understanding is that the transmission rate in lesbian relationships is virtually non existent. For a heterosexual relationship, which is what I’d be in, the odds are much higher (though I understand still not terribly high in general). > > Herpes is probably the exception to that rule, as most of the STIs that lesbians are considered less likely to get/transmit seem to mainly involve body fluid exchange as such, while herpes is passed by skin-contact transmission. What would be most likely for lesbians, I would think, would be oral-to-genital transmission. Oral herpes can be relatively easily passed to the genitals, but the genital type is less aggressive and seems to be transmitted to the oral region a lot less than the other way around. They share 50% of their DNA, but there are a few differences like that. The bit you just quoted and responded to was an exchange about AIDS, not herpes. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/102 "2010-08-24T01:16:39Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@kittenblue](#): > > > > And it is entirely possible that someone of **DiosaBellissima’s** age is already an asymptomatic carrier…do you really want to spend $700 to get tested? That’s how much my friend’s insurance company was charged. She was quite shocked at the price, and her gyno told her they normally don’t pay for it unless there is a pressing reason, like symptoms or a partner getting infected. The doctor said the insurance discouraged asymptomatic people getting tested “just to see if they are or not”. I don’t have anything more than her word about that, and YMMV with your insurance carrier. > > Whenever I’ve had something bad happen (condom breaks with someone that’s more casual, etc.), I get blood tests for however long after that the doctor suggests I do. Two different insurance carriers covered that for a lab copay ($10 or however much it was), then- when I didn’t have insurance in college- the State of CA Medical thing paid for it readily. Of course, other insurance plans cover different things and such, as you say. And to head off any of the lectures I may get from some other members: yes, I’m aware the blood tests are not fool proof and I may still have herpes. Condoms don’t protect from herpes either. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/103 "2010-08-24T03:01:52Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > The Dope, the only place in the world where a woman would get chastised for doing her best to not contract an STD. Uh oh! You’ve caught _Victim Complex III_! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/104 "2010-08-24T03:11:05Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Jeneva](#): > > > > Herpes is probably the exception to that rule, as most of the STIs that lesbians are considered less likely to get/transmit seem to mainly involve body fluid exchange as such, while herpes is passed by skin-contact transmission. What would be most likely for lesbians, I would think, would be oral-to-genital transmission. Oral herpes can be relatively easily passed to the genitals, but the genital type is less aggressive and seems to be transmitted to the oral region a lot less than the other way around. They share 50% of their DNA, but there are a few differences like that. > > The bit you just quoted and responded to was an exchange about AIDS, not herpes. Well, you don’t want to get AIDS infested herpes, the worst kind there is. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/105 "2010-08-24T04:50:16Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Whenever I’ve had something bad happen (condom breaks with someone that’s more casual, etc.), I get blood tests for however long after that the doctor suggests I do. Two different insurance carriers covered that for a lab copay ($10 or however much it was), then- when I didn’t have insurance in college- the State of CA Medical thing paid for it readily. Of course, other insurance plans cover different things and such, as you say. And to head off any of the lectures I may get from some other members: yes, I’m aware the blood tests are not fool proof and I may still have herpes. > > Condoms don’t protect from herpes either. Oh, Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. . . **Cut to Dio’s next post** : tittyfucking can lead to herpes of the areola. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/106 "2010-08-24T05:23:00Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > Condoms don’t protect from herpes either. > > Oh, Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. . . > **Cut to Dio’s next post** : tittyfucking can lead to herpes of the areola. Jesus had cold sores. True story. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/107 "2010-08-24T05:29:51Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Oh, Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. . . > > **Cut to Dio’s next post** : tittyfucking can lead to herpes of the areola. > > Jesus had cold sores. True story. He hung out with hookers all day. Let’s not act like we’re surprised. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/108 "2010-08-24T06:25:57Z")
Your guys’ name both start with **Dio**. How didn’t I notice this before? All the pieces are falling into place… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/109 "2010-08-24T10:50:25Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Well, seeing as we’re not talking about oral herpes, as the OP has said repeatedly. . . it doesn’t so much matter whether I do or not. > > Question: If a person with oral herpes goes down on **Diosa** can she develop genital herpes from it? Yes, or if that person uses saliva as a lubricant. He can also transmit it down by this method. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/110 "2010-08-24T13:48:45Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > The bit you just quoted and responded to was an exchange about AIDS, not herpes. Oh, okay. ---
**Author:** ![inchworm94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19b73/32.png) [@inchworm94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inchworm94)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/111 "2012-07-10T03:52:17Z")
I have genital herpes and I struggle with it every day. I always hope that people will be open minded when I tell them about it. The truth is, it is so easy to get, and once you get it, you have it forever. I’m only 17. I only had sex with one person in my entire life, it was someone I was in love with and I thought I did everything right. Herpes is not disgusting or gross. It doesn’t make someone worth less than everyone else. It’s a virus that has no cure, just like the common cold, and there is medicine to treat the symptoms just like the common cold. I have just begun my life. I’d like to hope that there are some people out there that wouldn’t turn me away just because I made a mistake once. I would like to get married and have children one day just like everyone else. I don’t think anyone is at liberty to judge or say bad things about people who have it if they have never experienced it. All I’m asking is that you be more understanding and not jump to the conclusion that everyone who has herpes is gross and not worth touching. I really need some reassurance here that the world hasn’t gone to the dogs completely. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/112 "2012-07-10T03:59:00Z")
Ah, herpes. I recall that was considered the Scourge of Mankind back in the pre-Aids days. Now one rarely seems to hear of it. I remember hearing of herpes dating clubs back in the day, where sufferers could find someone similarly afflicted for possible romance. ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/113 "2012-07-10T04:26:47Z")
No. If I got herpes from them and then broke up, even if the person was at one point the only thing that completed my life, I’d then have no significant other, and herpes. What a combination! ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/114 "2012-07-10T04:52:45Z")
> [@inchworm94](#): > > I have genital herpes and I struggle with it every day. I always hope that people will be open minded when I tell them about it. The truth is, it is so easy to get, and once you get it, you have it forever. I’m only 17. I only had sex with one person in my entire life, it was someone I was in love with and I thought I did everything right. Herpes is not disgusting or gross. It doesn’t make someone worth less than everyone else. It’s a virus that has no cure, just like the common cold, and there is medicine to treat the symptoms just like the common cold. I have just begun my life. I’d like to hope that there are some people out there that wouldn’t turn me away just because I made a mistake once. I would like to get married and have children one day just like everyone else. I don’t think anyone is at liberty to judge or say bad things about people who have it if they have never experienced it. All I’m asking is that you be more understanding and not jump to the conclusion that everyone who has herpes is gross and not worth touching. I really need some reassurance here that the world hasn’t gone to the dogs completely. ☹ You are 17, you can take this: The world is filled with assholes. The world is also filled with the kind, caring, understanding people you speak of, but the assholes are much louder, and its hard to hear over their ignorant babble. I have oral herpes. I would date someone with genital herpes. Its really not that big of a deal. Now, I know this thread is 2 years old, but I am shocked at Diosa’s general attitude towards this subject. Generally, I would expect more from a Doper. She was completely ignorant and scared about herpes at the start of this thread (which is OK), but as she learned more about it, she dug her heels in and kept arguing. Its great that she lost some of that ignorance, but its disappointing that she was so stubborn about it. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/115 "2012-07-10T05:40:09Z")
Wow. I have no idea. After this thread I’m more confused about herpes than ever before. It seems to be a virus that can be transmitted orally or sexually, but I’m guessing we have lots of viruses in or on our bodies. What makes a virus become an actual disease? I’m also confused about what it means to have a virus. Some viruses seem to be seasonal. Some will fuck with you once and then go away. Some will kill you fast or slow. Some will debilitate. Some can hide in one person, and spaz out in the next. Herpes seems really tricky from the descriptions here. “I might be nowhere. I might be everywhere. I might be a monster. I might be a summer breeze.” WTF!? I also have to wonder about the cold sores thing, whether what everyone thinks of as having cold sores is always referring to the same thing. Maybe we need a GQ thread. ETA: apparently it’s a zombie. But I’m not sure if that matters. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/116 "2012-07-10T05:44:43Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Abso-fucking-lutely not. Sorry. Deal breaker x 100000000. To me, it’s literally on the same level as someone being HIV+ or having AIDS. Ok, I know this thread is two years old but the idiocy level of this comment is so high, I simply cannot pass it by without saying so. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![gatorslap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gatorslap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gatorslap)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/117 "2012-07-10T11:23:09Z")
If you’ve dated a significant number of people, you’ve probably dated someone with herpes already. People don’t go in for routine herpes tests like with HIV. In fact, if you haven’t been recently tested for it, you can’t rule out that you may be infected yourself. ---
**Author:** ![JMH125](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee59a6/32.png) [@JMH125](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JMH125)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/118 "2012-07-10T14:12:58Z")
> [@Yaxche](#): > > But they are just sores, slightly inconvenient at times, and certainly no worse for your long term health than shingles or any other type of outbreak. Healthy people with good immune systems can often go years between outbreaks. Seems awfully silly to be worried about to the point of excluding something possibly special from your life… A mild, rarely bothersome skin irritation at best. Highly overrated. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/119 "2012-07-10T14:31:28Z")
It’s hard to find a hard number, but 50-80% of adults have oral herpes. Unless you are willing to exclude that percentage of the populace from your dating pool (or forego oral sex completely), you will always have some risk of contracting genital herpes. The increase in genital herpes cases is due to the explosion in popularity of oral sex. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799/120 "2012-07-10T14:45:33Z")
> [@Amblydoper](#): > > Now, I know this thread is 2 years old, but I am shocked at Diosa’s general attitude towards this subject. Generally, I would expect more from a Doper. She was completely ignorant and scared about herpes at the start of this thread (which is OK), but as she learned more about it, she dug her heels in and kept arguing. Its great that she lost some of that ignorance, but its disappointing that she was so stubborn about it. I think it’s a bit, I dunno, crass, to tell someone their preferences when it comes to sex are bad and they should feel bad. If someone told you that they don’t like sex with brunettes, would you tell them, “oh, somewhere between 60 and 85 percent of brunettes dye their hair blond, so you’ve probably already slept with a brunette, hur hur hur?” She doesn’t want to date someone with herpes and has found a method of screening that is acceptable to her. If someone with herpes slips through, I trust Diosa to be a big girl and handle it appropriately. (Although I think she has a boyfriend now, so who knows.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-dating-someone-with-herpes/550799.md?page=7)