# Would You Consider Swinging? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 20, 2013, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886 "2013-02-20T17:04:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/21 "2013-02-20T23:24:32Z")
Yeah, no poll option for me. Hell, no, but not “monogamous all the way.” We’re more monogamish. (Thank you Dan Savage.) I am (also) attracted to very few people, brains and personality and common interests are vital, and casual sex doesn’t do it for me. It completely misses the point of sex, as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/22 "2013-02-20T23:31:31Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But we both want to keep the other happy, so we discuss it every so often and try to figure out where we’re at. We’ve tried a couple of adultfriendfinder meetups, and found the people in our area to be very cliquish and unappealing. We weren’t even comfortable enough to stay for a second drink, much less a hookup. And so we stay happily monogamous with the awareness (and acceptance) that it may change in the future, or it may not. Yeah, I avoid the term “polyamory” even though I guess I’m technically in a polyamorous relationship, because my brief forays into the polyamory community have left me feeling pretty uninterested in the scene. I have two partners who I am extremely happy with and committed to. I’m not interested in three. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/23 "2013-02-21T01:06:30Z")
Not sure if I should even respond since I’m not married, and I’m not heterosexual… but, here’s my perspective: Boyfriend and I have gone through a period of open-relationship as well as mutually fooling around with other people at the same time (threesomes/foursomes). We had fun, nobody got hurt, nobody got too jealous. We’ve both decided now not to really do that anymore with anyone, but we are probably still open to the idea at some point in the future. For some reason, I get really turned on by the idea of him doing stuff with other people… a sort of cuckold fantasy I suppose? He doesn’t get turned on by the idea of me being off with other people on my own, and while it has happened, usually it’s either us together with someone else or him on his own with someone else. Either way, I prefer it to be with friends or exes who are cool with it. Not just random meetups where people meet up explicitly just to have sex with other people. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/24 "2013-02-21T04:57:11Z")
Polyamorous married dude here. So by some definitions I currently am also a “swinger”. However, the connotations of that word keep me from claiming it. I have a girlfriend, my wife has a boyfriend, occasionally things happen outside those relationships. But the idea of “let’s trade wives for a night, just for kicks” creeps me out. Not that I’m against casual sex, but just the meaninglessness of swapping. I don’t know, I can’t explain it, but just the term “swinging” seems icky to me. Probably just a stereotype or something, but still, that’s what I think. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/25 "2013-02-21T06:07:20Z")
Not in any sort of relationship but hypothetically if I were to be in one, the answer would be a no, as it goes against my morals and I can’t imagine any of the girls I’m interested in being keen on it either. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/26 "2013-02-21T08:41:49Z")
I’m bisexual and my old man and I have had a few threesomes with other women. It’s always friends and acquaintances, people we are somewhat comfortable with anyway. We don’t really do it with other couples, just single women. It’s pretty much just one-offs: we go to the bar, get to talkin, end up taking a friend home for the night. In the morning I make everybody breakfast, we get the girl a cab, and everybody goes on with their normal lives. It lets me get the lesbianishness out of my system and my fiance thinks it’s super hot. Getting involved in the “swinging” or “polyamory” scene would be kinda weird, as would looking for people online or having a regular outside girlfriend. I don’t want to run the risk of having emotional commitments with anybody else, so I wouldn’t do it more than a few times with the same person. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/27 "2013-02-21T16:30:12Z")
I’m polyamorous, and there’s a sort of implicit understanding in some (not all) poly clusters that you get to share casual sex with cute randomly-met people as well. And I’ve never been prudish about casual sex, either for myself or for my partners. But in practice, casual sex mostly hasn’t worked very well for me. Self-consciousness of some sort, maybe. Or, also, when you’re hooking up with someone you don’t really know, there’s more of a tendency to rely on default assumptions about what people want and what behaviors mean what things and so on. Those assumptions tend to be very gendered and they create problems for me. So yeah I would “consider” it (and do) but I’m happy enough with sex confined to my ongoing relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Yask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Yask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yask)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/28 "2013-02-24T07:44:41Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > Not in any sort of relationship but hypothetically if I were to be in one, the answer would be a no, **as it goes against my morals** and I can’t imagine any of the girls I’m interested in being keen on it either. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, what “morals” is it going against? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/29 "2013-02-24T22:26:08Z")
> [@Yask](#): > > If everyone involved is a consenting adult, what “morals” is it going against? :dubious: Without going off-topic, I’ll say I do have rather old-fashioned morals… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/30 "2013-02-24T22:30:08Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > Without going off-topic, I’ll say I do have rather old-fashioned morals… Not old enough to be Old Testament, apparently. 😃 **Yask** , he’s Catholic. ---
**Author:** ![Yask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Yask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yask)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/31 "2013-02-25T06:36:13Z")
Thanks. I guess that means he eschews _all_ pre-marital sex, thinks homosexual relationships are immoral, frowns on birth control, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/32 "2013-02-25T07:42:44Z")
> [@Yask](#): > > Thanks. I guess that means he eschews _all_ pre-marital sex, thinks homosexual relationships are immoral, frowns on birth control, etc. I don’t object to birth control actually. And for the record, I’m Presbyterian\* not \*Catholic. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886/33 "2013-02-25T07:46:39Z")
It’s certainly something I’m interested in - but it’s also something my partners have never been interested in, either. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-swinging/650886.md?page=1)