# Would you consider this to be single or not?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [November 14, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625 "2014-11-14T16:37:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 5
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625/41 "2014-11-15T18:04:51Z")
> [@Mr.Blue](#):
>
> She had left her phone next to me “unlocked” and i took a quick look. She had txts from atleast 50 some guys in one day, asking her what she was doing that night. when she said she was going to be busy, nearly every one replied oh nvm. now is that concrete evidence? no but its a good god damn clue.
What are they supposed to say if she says she’s busy?
---
### Author:  [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625/42 "2014-11-15T18:20:20Z")
FYI, we often have digressions before we really get to the point with answering a post. And overall, the folks here skew older (40s-70s) and are generally socially stodgy. So some of what you’re going to hear from some folks is mere disapproval, period, end of story. If that’s not what you want, just ignore those folks.
OK. You’ve now made it clear what’s going on. She has several friends with benefits and lots more applicants for that role. And \*she says \*she wants a stable relationship. Whether she really wants that, or just wants to want that is something I’ll address below.
Time for you to tell her, in plain English, that the guys who are or want to be FWBs are not stable relationship material. And that as long as she is doing the FWB thing, she’ll be driving away almost all of the guys who might be stable relationship material.
So she faces a choice: Stop FWBing with all of them, not just some or even most of them, then start looking in new places for a different relationship dynamic with a different kind of guy. And do without non-solo sex for the weeks or months that takes.
OR …
Keep doing what she’s doing. And keep getting the results she’s gotten so far.
She gets to choose. But she \*has \*to choose. She can’t have it both ways because the world doesn’t work that way.
You job isn’t to judge, or to be seen by her to judge. Your job is to \*try to \*break her out of the illusion that she can have it both ways. And if trying fails, to tell her that you’ve said your piece on the topic and you won’t participate in any more of her whining about it. Then make that stick.
I agree with \*\*even sven \*\*that she’s young enough to still be fumbling her way towards what she wants. She doesn’t have to get there any time soon. Your goal is to get out of the middle of her drama. You can’t be the crying towel every Monday morning.
She needs to eventually absorb the truth that in life we can choose our decisions or our consequences. We don’t get to choose both. Some folks learn that early, others never do. Hit her nicely with the clue stick once or twice and if it doesn’t soak in, then wash your hands of the situation.
---
### Author:  [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2014, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625/43 "2014-11-16T03:23:02Z")
> [@Mr.Blue](#):
>
> You guys obviously do not get it. I don’t want to be involved in her sex life, if what she does works for her then great i don’t give a shit. But she’s been doing for so long and constantly coming to me when a guy breaks up with her when finding out that she lets guys sleep in her bed when they sleep over or calls a fuck buddy over when her current “boyfriend” is gone for a trip or something, is getting ridiculous.
>
> I was at wall-mart a few days ago and ran into one guy who i remember my sister telling me who turned her down when she asked him out. I asked him “Hey man you’ve known steph for a long time and you guys hang out a lot, why did you turn her down like that?” He said “yeah she’s great as a friend, but dude no offense but she’s way too slutty for me man.”
>
> That is what is telling ME that what she is doing is telling EVERYONE that she is being slutty.
>
> She had left her phone next to me “unlocked” and i took a quick look. She had txts from atleast 50 some guys in one day, asking her what she was doing that night. when she said she was going to be busy, nearly every one replied oh nvm. now is that concrete evidence? no but its a good god damn clue.
>
> Its not that she doesn’t know what she wants, she knows that she wants a serious relationship, but from what I’ve learned, heard, and seen, she’s being too god damn slutty. Even my girlfriend for 3 months thinks its not normal and their almost the same age.
>
> So i came here for a possibility for some outside advice and you guys are completely clueless.
>
> And for all of you who said that I was getting involved, that I was jealous, that I was putting a label on what she was doing, what is wrong with you people?!
Dopers think they’re all PhD psychologists. Ignore them.
Your sister is a slut. Hopefully, it’s a phase and she soon realizes how others look at her. You could try and talk to her about it. Tell her what that guy you ran into at Walmart said about her and ask her if that’s what she wants people to think about her.
The feminazi morons here will try and defend her texting 50 guys in one day. As though it’s perfectly normal, mature behavior. Ultimately, though, she has to choose to date like a normal person.
---
### Author:  [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2014, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625/44 "2014-11-16T03:49:20Z")
Does she have huge emotional dependency or loneliness? This is very psychologically needy behavior.
---
### Author:  [@Isilder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isilder)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625/45 "2014-11-16T22:45:54Z")
> [@Mr.Blue](#):
>
> Is she “telling” everyone that she’s being slutty?
And that her “calendar” is complete.
Basically, ah yes she has to be saying she has Friends With Benefits, so as to not make anyone angry. Its the honest thing to say isn’t it, and the best, so that no one gets hurt. (physically or emotionally or both.).
And she must be saying “like start as FWB” and there is no exclusivity … (Whats in her life plan ? For a while, until I am pregnant, until I am engaged, until I am married, when I feel like it… or never… ? )
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-consider-this-to-be-single-or-not/704625.md?page=2)