# Would you date a 30 year old who is going back to school? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968 "2012-08-28T21:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/1 "2012-08-28T21:26:39Z")
Would you? That person may be me in four months. ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/2 "2012-08-28T21:31:12Z")
More importantly, are you male or female 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/3 "2012-08-28T21:32:24Z")
Assuming I wasn’t married, absolutely. I’m not sure why I wouldn’t. What would be reasons not to? Potential issues with financial independence is the only thing I can think of off the top of my head that could present problems at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/4 "2012-08-28T21:37:36Z")
Thats exactly it…finances…and perhaps social stigma? I’m moving back in with my parents soon. I am hoping to take some sort of Computer Science / Engineering program If it doesn’t work out I will go back into teaching. I am male. ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/5 "2012-08-28T21:43:42Z")
Maybe… ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/6 "2012-08-28T21:45:27Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > Thats exactly it…finances…and perhaps social stigma? I’m moving back in with my parents soon. I don’t think the stigma of going back to school would faze me. I know a number of people who have changed careers at that point in their lives (and later). But I hadn’t assumed the aspect of living with your parents because I know school loans can cover limited living expenses sometimes. THAT may be a more difficult stigma to overcome, not having your own private place to spend time with the person you’re dating. But I wouldn’t think it to be an impossible situation. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/7 "2012-08-28T21:50:42Z")
No ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/8 "2012-08-28T21:52:05Z")
I personally would not date someone who lived with their parents (or room mates, for that matter) but it has nothing to do with them going back to school. That, I respect (as a 45 yr old who recently returned to school). ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/9 "2012-08-28T21:52:49Z")
If I were single and gay. I am nearly 30 and in school, albeit a grad program. Living with parents I know would be more of a problem; for me mostly a warning sign but dismissible if the excuse is good. Privacy and all. OTOH, lives at home **and** CS/Engineering? Looks like you don’t need to engineer a female repellent, you found it already. 😃 Get through school, dating can happen after. You could find a “nubile young coed,” then it doesn’t matter how you live. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/10 "2012-08-28T22:28:38Z")
I’m a female 40 year old undergrad, but I’m married. If I were single, it wouldn’t be a problem for me to date someone who was furthering their education, but I wouldn’t date someone living with their parents, unless there were some other reason than finances involved. (Such as being a caregiver.) ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/11 "2012-08-28T22:46:06Z")
My fiance went back to school at around the same age. Obviously I don’t mind. 🙂 Living with your parents is more likely to make people balk than being a student is, but I think nowadays many folks would understand your reasons for it. It’s not like you can guarantee that a college degree will lead to a high paying job nowadays, so it would be rather stupid to take out additional debt just to look cooler and get a few more dates. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/12 "2012-08-28T22:49:24Z")
Sure. I think we overstigmatize adults living with parents in the States. Obviously its not healthy in cases where it becomes a sort of permanent trap, where Jr. works a low end job with no plans to get something better and mooches off mom and dad indefinitely. But in a lot of cases people who otherwise have their shit together run on hard times, and having a place where they can live with cheap or no rent is a good buffer, and can help them get them back on their feet. I’ve seen too many people screw themselves over by trying to “go it alone” instead of going to their families for help My brother lost his job during the recent economic unpleasantness and couldn’t find much except low-end employment for a year or two, despite being a generally good worker with his act together. The obvious thing would’ve been for him to move back with my folks for a while. They offered (repeatedly)\* but he was afraid of the stigma of living with the folks in his twenties. So instead he ran up a bunch of debt and worked himself ragged at a second fast-food job to afford a crummy apartment. The situation wasn’t really sustainable, so eventually he got to the point where he couldn’t make rent and he moved back in with the folks. This let him quit the second job, and he used the extra time and energy to do some volunteer work relevant to what he wanted to do career work, which turned into a real job and he was able to get back on his feet. He could’ve avoided a lot debt, lost time and agony if he’d just sucked it up and moved in with my parents for a while. \*(some people avoid living with parents because they don’t get along well in close quarters with their folks. That’s perfectly rational, but wasn’t the case here) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/13 "2012-08-28T23:08:38Z")
I think it’s all in how you market yourself. Rather than saying that you live with your parents, you would want to stress that you’re helping them out with the house while ensuring you don’t incur potential future debt in pursuing your higher ed degree, thereby being able to continue to add to your investment portfolio while in school. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/14 "2012-08-28T23:14:13Z")
Well, I’m 43 and married, so you probably don’t want to date me. 😉 But if was younger and unattached, your situation would not rule you out as someone I’d date. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/15 "2012-08-28T23:17:26Z")
Yeah, sure. In fact - my BF is 21 and an on-again-off-again student (off for the semester right now) who is planning on moving back in with his parents in the next couple months in order to save money for school and a planned cross-country move next year. I’m a 27-year-old woman. Pursue your goals in life with confidence. I’m sure there are plenty of women who will consider living with your parents a dealbreaker, there are also plenty who won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/16 "2012-08-28T23:29:56Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Assuming I wasn’t married, absolutely. I’m not sure why I wouldn’t. > > What would be reasons not to? Potential issues with financial independence is the only thing I can think of off the top of my head that could present problems at some point. This is pretty much my answer, almost word-for-word. The only difference is that I’m not married. And I wouldn’t really care about finances if we were just dating. I’ll worry about finances if we start getting _really_ close. Or it seems like I’m suddenly in danger if you can’t pay off your debts. Everything else regarding “social stigma” is for narrow minded people that can’t realize that everyone has different circumstances in life. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/17 "2012-08-28T23:31:27Z")
I would date a guy returning to school, would not date a man who lives with his parents. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/18 "2012-08-28T23:35:09Z")
I do want to re-emphasize the…well, geographical issue, though. I think most reasonable adults (which hopefully contains the subset of people you’d want to be dating) can understand the reasons for living with your parents and could get past whatever remaining social stigma there is in that regard. But my concern for you (and I have coworkers who have complained about this with people they’ve dated) is not having a private place to take your hypothetical boyfriend or girlfriend to. Individuals you date may get tired of always having to hang out (and whatnot, know what I mean? Wink wink, nudge nudge) at their place. They have to be responsible for cleaning up and whatever other preparations might be needed to have company over, every single time. So, my question to you is, when you’re living with your parents, what will the setup be like? Will you have regular privacy in a space that extends beyond your bedroom? ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2012, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/19 "2012-08-29T00:00:41Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I do want to re-emphasize the…well, geographical issue, though. I think most reasonable adults (which hopefully contains the subset of people you’d want to be dating) can understand the reasons for living with your parents and could get past whatever remaining social stigma there is in that regard. But my concern for you (and I have coworkers who have complained about this with people they’ve dated) is not having a private place to take your hypothetical boyfriend or girlfriend to. Individuals you date may get tired of always having to hang out (and whatnot, know what I mean? Wink wink, nudge nudge) at their place. They have to be responsible for cleaning up and whatever other preparations might be needed to have company over, every single time. > > So, my question to you is, when you’re living with your parents, what will the setup be like? Will you have regular privacy in a space that extends beyond your bedroom? This is more what I was getting at. It’s not the “social stigma” , it’s the privacy part. Would you be living in a garage apartment or otherwise somehow seperate part of the house? I would’t want to always be reminded that there are other people in your household. I did date a guy several years ago who lived with a roommate. We were in our thirties and prior to that I would have said no way in hell would I date someone with a roommate. But it worked because the roommate was rarely home and when he was around, it just felt like another friend hanging out. He definitley knew when to make himself scarce. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2012, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968/20 "2012-08-29T00:02:25Z")
Of course I would. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-30-year-old-who-is-going-back-to-school/632968.md?page=2)