# Would you date a 40-year-old virgin? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455 "2014-10-16T00:11:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/21 "2014-10-16T03:02:01Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Do you really need this explained? > > I think a 40 year old virgin _wouldn’t get_ to the first date, period. I wouldn’t go that far, but he probably wouldn’t get a second. I got three second dates in 11 years of dating, probably due mostly to being extremely awkward socially. I’m easy enough on the eyes to have gotten a few first ones, although one or two ended with my date saying she didn’t feel well and wanted to go home. If a 40 year old virgin who has wanted to not be a virgin for most of his adult life hasn’t had his spirit completely broken my hat is off to him. I would have descended into depression so deep I probably would have been in and out of hospitals for years. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/22 "2014-10-16T03:12:18Z")
Well, I’m a 36 year-old man who has been in a couple LTRs and a marriage, but I feel like it is almost an accident that I am not a virgin myself. No hangups, but I don’t think I have ever initiated a sexual relationship with anyone or actively pursued anything outside of my head. Started sex at 19, I have never had sex with a younger partner. A 40 year-old would be younger than my wife. So age isn’t an issue. The virginity probably wouldn’t be either. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/23 "2014-10-16T03:22:03Z")
> [@R3d\_Anonymous](#): > > Wait, how are you still a virgin? When a man and a woman don’t love each other very much… ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/24 "2014-10-16T03:46:24Z")
> [@R3d\_Anonymous](#): > > Damn dude… > > Wait, how are you still a virgin? I just don’t feel comfortable getting that close to anyone. I was 35 before anyone even taught me to hug. I came from a family that was physically abusive. “Touching” meant “hitting.” > [@Leaffan](#): > > No. As a male, I don’t need that shit. If you’re 40 and a virgin then you’re a seriously messed up person. At least way more messed up than I would consider normal. I’m messed up…but not “seriously” messed up. Just a little, enough to prefer not to get involved with physical sexuality. (Um…well, sure, I choke the chicken every so often…) I’ve had offers and opportunities, but… Nah. Not what I want. And…I get asked on dates now and then, and, most times, when I ask someone else on a date, they say yes. The world still has room for “just friends.” One of the last dates I was on was with a woman who is a 50+ year old virgin. We had dinner and a really nifty conversation. Afterward, we hugged. It might not be enough for everyone, but for us, it worked. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/25 "2014-10-16T03:49:33Z")
Well for sure I do know I would rather date a 40-year-old virgin than a BBW ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/26 "2014-10-16T03:50:34Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Well for sure I do know I would rather date a 40-year-old virgin than a BBW I think there’s quite the Venn diagram with these two groups. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/27 "2014-10-16T04:04:11Z")
I think BBWs are pretty in-demand sexually, actually. I think a lot of guys with low self-esteem might go for them specifically because they think they would less likely to be cheated on and that sort of thing, but there are a lot of other dudes who will use any woman who offers for sex (or at least a BJ), and there are plenty of very forward sexually active bigger women. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/28 "2014-10-16T04:38:15Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > I think BBWs are pretty in-demand sexually, actually. I think a lot of guys with low self-esteem might go for them specifically because they think they would less likely to be cheated on and that sort of thing, but there are a lot of other dudes who will use any woman who offers for sex (or at least a BJ), and there are plenty of very forward sexually active bigger women. That depends on what the definition of “BBW” really is. If it is indeed for Big _Beautiful_ Woman, then I agree, there is a huge “demand” for them. But “BBW” has become shorthand for “Fat”. And I felt that was how the poster that I quoted was using it as well. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/29 "2014-10-16T06:33:15Z")
Yes, if I weren’t already taken. There are all kinds of reasons why we have the experiences - or lack thereof - in our lives. For all I know, this guy could be very sweet, yet overly cautious. And for all I know, after dating him, he’s still remain a virgin. And would a 40-year-old virgin date me, knowing about my past? ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/30 "2014-10-16T07:32:50Z")
A 40 year old virgin who was interested in dating and starting a sexual relationship and me would not be a good match at all. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/31 "2014-10-16T08:57:13Z")
Male, 46, would have sex with, but probably wouldn’t pursue a relationship unless there was a fairly convincing reason why they were still virginal. It isn’t that they haven’t inserted Tab A Into Slot B _per se_, it’s that they presumably haven’t been able to arrange the right set of social circumstances with someone else in which that insertion tends to arise, which suggests a certain number of issues or shortcomings which I’m too old and too tired to work through. Put simply, it’s not _that_ hard to get laid, and I’m going to assume that if you haven’t managed it in over two decades of being eligible there’s probably something wrong with you. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/32 "2014-10-16T10:33:51Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Put simply, it’s not _that_ hard to get laid, Really? ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/33 "2014-10-16T11:32:35Z")
female, 45, virginity would not be an issue. I suspect that there would be reasons that led to the virginity that would be an issue, but if not, if the man were attractive to me, not socially awkward, comfortable with himself, respectful of women as human beings and interested in me, I’d give it a shot. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/34 "2014-10-16T11:40:23Z")
If I otherwise liked him, I’d consider a date. It’s not a plus, but we’re talking a date, i.e. coffee or a few drinks. I haven’t committed to either sleep with him or get into a serious relationship at this point. What happens after the date depends on how the date went. (I’m female.) ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/35 "2014-10-16T14:05:32Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Really? For **R3d Anonymous** ’s imaginary 40 year old, it’s basically been _impossible_. I bet it’s vanishingly rare to find 40 year old virgins, so **Penfeather’s** comment is almost tautologically true. Even late bloomers generally stumble into a vagina or fall on a penis before 40. Almost all of us fuck somebody before 40, so evidently it’s not _that_ hard. It’s not particularly nice to say there must be something \*wrong \*with them, but it would be absurd to start with the assumption that it just randomly never happened. There’s almost certainly some specific reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/36 "2014-10-16T14:55:20Z")
I think it’s worth mentioning that many Christians believe sex should be saved for marriage, or is wrong before marriage. And there are many Christians in America. There are of course many other reasons why a 40-year old might be a virgin, but this is one to take into account. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/37 "2014-10-16T15:10:21Z")
I’m asexual. Virginity is not even a thought for me, as long as the guy was wililng to either stay a virgin or have his sex with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/38 "2014-10-16T15:15:43Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I would not rule out getting to know a 40-year-old virgin but if our relationship were to go beyond casual friendship, I would expect her not to remain a virgin. I wouldn’t enter into a sexless romantic relationship. I would say this with this caveat: they should be open-minded about sex, too, good giving and game. I am almost 40 myself and at this age I am not putting up with someone shocked about woman’s sexuality in any way. I think if I caught the faintest hint of disapproval then I would be gone in a heartbeat. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/39 "2014-10-16T15:27:07Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I would say this with this caveat: they should be open-minded about sex, too, good giving and game. I am almost 40 myself and at this age I am not putting up with someone shocked about woman’s sexuality in any way. I think if I caught the faintest hint of disapproval then I would be gone in a heartbeat. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/40 "2014-10-16T15:31:34Z")
I dated a 28 year old virgin. She was basicaly held captive by two elderly sick parents. Once the cat was out of the bag she broke loose with a vengeance. She was a beautiful woman who had never even been on a date. Her parents had both died at the same time in an apparent murder suicide and yes it was under suspicious circumstances. Within 2 years of her parents death she was close to death herself from alcoholism. Not sure how the story ended I never heard anymore from her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=3)