# Would you date a 40-year-old virgin? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455 "2014-10-16T00:11:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/41 "2014-10-16T15:32:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I wish so, too. > I suspect the overwhelming majority of women would refuse to date a 40-year virgin man, and the majority of men would be willing to date a 40-year virgin woman. Speaking as a 45 y/o man, no I wouldn’t. Unless she just woke up from ay a 15 year coma. I really can’t imagine another scenario I’d be cool with. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/42 "2014-10-16T15:44:38Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am almost 40 myself. Dear me, how time flies! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/43 "2014-10-16T15:48:13Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Dear me, how time flies! :eek: 39 this November! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/44 "2014-10-16T15:53:00Z")
I won’t say I never would. But I can’t imagine being compatible with someone that age who is a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![WilyQuixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@WilyQuixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WilyQuixote)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/45 "2014-10-16T15:58:42Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I suspect the overwhelming majority of women would refuse to date a 40-year virgin man, and the majority of men would be willing to date a 40-year virgin woman. Speaking as a man in his mid-thirties, my answer would be, “it depends”. TBH, my first and automatic assumption would automatically be that there must be something “wrong” with a 40 year old virgin. This is not necessarily true, but the assumption would be made all the same. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/46 "2014-10-16T16:02:45Z")
The poll seems to only be open for women so I didn’t vote. As a man I really couldn’t see it. I’m too old to play games or sooth someone’s hang ups. I would need someone who is compatible with my own drive level. So someone who wasn’t bothered by lackanookie for so long would be out. I am completely non-religious so someone abstaining for religious reasons would be out. I have too much on my plate to deal with the problems. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/47 "2014-10-16T18:04:11Z")
I know a 56 year old virgin man. As mentioned upthread, he is very Christian and doesn’t believe in sex outside of marriage. He is also very particular about potential mates with regard to age and physical attributes. In his prime he had a very limited pool of women to pursue. 25 years later, and after no adjustments to his standards, the guy is likely to die a virgin. Unless he can find a 21 year old hot blonde virgin who will put out for him, and only him, on command. And raise all the babies, and treat him as the king of the castle, and do his bidding, etc. Right. Young women, even those who share his beliefs, have much younger, socially compatable, men to enslave themselves to. For my part I am very introverted, socially clueless, and have never been inclined to initiate friendships, let alone dates. Had others not pursued, suggested (in two cases taunted/dared), or otherwise made their desires very plain, I’d very likely be a 47 year old virgin. Unlike my acquaintance, I’m not a bad catch–respectful, clean, responsible, kind, etc. So it’s really important, I think, for the OP to specify the why in the virgin equation. In some cases, “Hell no!” is the only sensible response. But in others there is the real possibility that our virgin is simply shy and cautious, and totally worth a little effort. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/48 "2014-10-16T18:20:07Z")
I just don’t think people would be in the same places. For example, after finally having sex, I had to start dealing with the emotional components that others did in their teens. I thought I’d be on the same page, having been around plenty of blocks before (just never quite reaching my destination, if you will), but I simply wasn’t. At that point, it had too much meaning because it had to. I couldn’t just have sex as part of a healthy relationship like a normal mid-twenties person should. Now, make that a 40 year old? And I’m telling you, male or female, there’d be lots of issues to work through. That also applies to someone whose overly cautious, with too high standards, religious restrictions, etc. There’d be way too much to overcome and probably not just on a sexual level. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/49 "2014-10-16T18:29:16Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > She was a beautiful woman who had never even been on a date. Her parents had both died at the same time _ **in an apparent murder suicide** _ and yes it was _ **under suspicious circumstances.** _ You don’t say. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/50 "2014-10-16T18:37:15Z")
I could potentially see getting into a relationship with a 40 year old male virgin if, for whatever reason, he’d only recently accepted being gay, and had never slept with a woman or whatever. A 40 year old straight/bi female virgin far less so, but it’s not impossible. The only reason I could think of someone staying a virgin for that long would be religion, and that would preclude a relationship. Anyone I did hypothetically get into a relationship with would have to put up with all my weirdness and issues, so I could hardly refuse to do likewise, so that in itself wouldn’t be a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/51 "2014-10-16T18:56:01Z")
This is one of those things that, in and of itself, is pretty meaningless to me. I mean, either we’re going to get along emotionally or not. We’re going to be happy sexually or not. What her sexual history is is irrelevant, be it zero partners or 1,000. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/52 "2014-10-16T18:59:12Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Really? Really. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/53 "2014-10-16T19:10:54Z")
I’m going to have to agree with **Smallhen** on this, if I’m interested in him as a person, I will likely not know he’s a virgin until we’ve had a couple of dates. Do all the rest of you believe this is going to come up _before_ you go on a date? Really? I’m not seeing that as a likely scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/54 "2014-10-16T19:17:25Z")
Why might a woman still be a virgin at 40? [ul] [li]Extended period of incarceration[/li][li]Saving herself for marriage[/li][li]Low sex drive[/li][li]Socially awkward[/li][/ul] For one reason or another I find them all unacceptable to me. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/55 "2014-10-16T19:39:53Z")
The question wasn’t “would you go on a date with,” it was “would you date.” I took that to mean an ongoing relationship. > [@faithfool](#): > > I just don’t think people would be in the same places. Seconded. I’m 43, and can’t imagine being compatible with someone who doesn’t already know how to handle/have a sexual relationship with another adult. I’m not interested in being part of their learning process, either: that makes the relationship lopsided. FWIW, I also couldn’t imagine being compatible with a 40-year-old man who’d never worked full-time, balanced a checkbook, etc. ---
**Author:** ![dada2fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ccd318/32.png) [@dada2fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dada2fish)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/56 "2014-10-16T20:26:13Z")
I would not pursue a 40 year old male virgin. As the ex-wife of a man who was always the passive participant during sex, he’d probably kill my mojo. I’d like an equal participant who would ravage me occasionally and vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/57 "2014-10-16T20:47:48Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Why might a woman still be a virgin at 40? > [ul] > [li]Extended period of incarceration[/li][li]Saving herself for marriage[/li][li]Low sex drive[/li][li]Socially awkward[/li][/ul] > For one reason or another I find them all unacceptable to me. Yep. Look, I know I’ve got a list of bad qualities as long as your arm, and when you decide I’m not worth dating because of them that’s perfectly understandable. As a 40 year old virgin you are, for one reason or another, undateable. Maybe you’ve been locked in a cave for 20 years. Maybe you’re saving yourself for Jesus. Maybe you’ve got such high standards that only Superman could meet them. Maybe you don’t have any sex drive. Maybe you’re an unlovable loser. Maybe you’ve got crippling health problems. Most probably some combination of two or three or more of the above. Whatever your reasons, I’m not qualified to sort out your various major problems, I can barely deal with my own. If I weren’t married I’d be looking for someone who was qualified to be in a real romantic relationship. I don’t need perfection, but I would need someone who is ready, willing and able, despite their own flaws and issues, to be in a romantic relationship. And the fact that this person has never had a real romantic relationship in 40 years is an extremely strong indication that this person is not capable of having a real romantic relationship. I could be wrong of course, I can imagine some kooky situation comedy style premise where somehow this person, despite being ready and willing and eager for romance for the last 25 years has somehow never been able to make it happen. But that’s almost certainly not the case. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/58 "2014-10-16T20:52:36Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Speaking as a 58-year old male virgin…yes, I still manage to get asked on dates now and then. Wait! When did I create this troll…:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/59 "2014-10-16T21:08:12Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Why might a woman still be a virgin at 40? > [ul] > [li]Extended period of incarceration[/li][li]Saving herself for marriage[/li][li]Low sex drive[/li][li]Socially awkward[/li][/ul] > For one reason or another I find them all unacceptable to me. For the record, just because someone suffered from social anxiety in the past, that might have prevented them from dating, doesn’t mean they continue to do so (to the same degree) today. Maybe it took her (or him, I guess) 40 years to find the right medication, or to learn how to work through their social anxiety on their own. I don’t really think any of them should be a deal-breaker, on their own. (Although if someone has a low sex drive _today_, that would to me be enough of an incompatibility that I wouldn’t want to date them). ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/60 "2014-10-16T21:12:16Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > I know a 56 year old virgin man. As mentioned upthread, he is very Christian and doesn’t believe in sex outside of marriage. He is also very particular about potential mates with regard to age and physical attributes. In his prime he had a very limited pool of women to pursue. 25 years later, and after no adjustments to his standards, the guy is likely to die a virgin. Unless he can find a 21 year old hot blonde virgin who will put out for him, and only him, on command. And raise all the babies, and treat him as the king of the castle, and do his bidding, etc. Right. Young women, even those who share his beliefs, have much younger, socially compatable, men to enslave themselves to. Your friend should look for a wife in Latin America, or the former Soviet Union. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=4)