# Would you date a 40-year-old virgin? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455 "2014-10-16T00:11:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/81 "2014-10-17T02:28:45Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > I would have been thirty without ever having\*\* shot between wind and water **at the time I met my wife. {_snip_} Fortunately, the year before we met I was in a relationship where I never** bounced the Brillo\*\*. (my bolding) Hahaha. Wha? šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/82 "2014-10-17T02:31:12Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > (my bolding) > > Hahaha. Wha? šŸ˜› Referring to column in one of Cecilā€™s books where he gives several euphemisms for the sex act. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/83 "2014-10-17T02:37:07Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Itā€™s not just the lack of gumption or even the atrophied social skills it suggests, itā€™s that if somebody hasnā€™t been laid by that age they havenā€™t been in a serious relationship, and if they havenā€™t been in a serious relationship, they donā€™t how to be in a serious relationship, they donā€™t know how to share and compromise and cooperate and conflict and disagree and still work together as part of an equal partnership. Thatā€™s an awful lot of serious grownup stuff they donā€™t know, and I have absolutely no desire to teach them. This says it all. Again, such seriously different places in each of our lives would lead to more headaches than shared romantic experience. And I totally agree that the actual sexual aspect would be the least of our concerns. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/84 "2014-10-17T03:27:24Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Not necessarily. It might have been entirely possible, just not desired. Some people have a much lower level of sexual desire than others. Itā€™s possible, but heā€™s a hypothetical 40 year old virgin and if youā€™ve paid attention to any of **R3d Anonymous** ā€™s you can be almost certain his imaginary 40 year old virgin would have fucked a woman if he ever had the opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/85 "2014-10-17T03:44:59Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Itā€™s possible, but heā€™s a hypothetical 40 year old virgin and if youā€™ve paid attention to any of **R3d Anonymous** ā€™s you can be almost certain his imaginary 40 year old virgin would have fucked a woman if he ever had the opportunity. This was really confusing until I did a little research and discovered that the OP is the poster formerly known as Anonymous User. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/86 "2014-10-17T10:34:18Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Itā€™s possible, but heā€™s a hypothetical 40 year old virgin and if youā€™ve paid attention to any of **R3d Anonymous** ā€™s you can be almost certain his imaginary 40 year old virgin would have fucked a woman if he ever had the opportunity. Some of us choose to not make use of prostitutes. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/87 "2014-10-17T11:28:11Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Some of us choose to not make use of prostitutes. šŸ˜• What are you trying to say? Do you think everyone who has sex before 40 has been hiring whores? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/88 "2014-10-17T17:12:08Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > šŸ˜• What are you trying to say? Do you think everyone who has sex before 40 has been hiring whores? No, heā€™s saying that many 40-year old virgins could have ended their virginity earlier by hiring a prostitute, but did not. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/89 "2014-10-17T17:39:47Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Didnā€™t we do this one not that long ago? Or was that one without a poll? I did something similar about four years ago with a poll. Iā€™ll see if I can find it. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/90 "2014-10-17T18:10:36Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > No, heā€™s saying that many 40-year old virgins could have ended their virginity earlier by hiring a prostitute, but did not. Correct. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/91 "2014-10-17T18:11:46Z")
I was going to vote no simply because Iā€™m not quite to the point where Iā€™m into 40 year old women, but all the people acting like sheā€™d be some horrible freak made me decide to vote yes. Then I found out that I was in the majority. (34/29 when this post was written. I forgot to submit. And 36/30 now.) It seems mostly naysayers that feel the need to explain themselves. I canā€™t see lack of sexual experience being a big deal to me. I donā€™t know why people are assuming a lack of sex driveā€“most virgins just handle it themselves. Other than that, itā€™s so far down the list of things I find important that I donā€™t really care. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/92 "2014-10-17T18:56:44Z")
I donā€™t think people are thinking ā€œhorrible freakā€ or even ā€œvirgin shamingā€. I know I didnā€™t think of it that way when I posted although maybe I do harbor some of that in my thoughts. So first I apologize if thatā€™s how it comes off. Continuing though, It seems more like people are asking questions albeit it clumsily and insultingly. Just so you know, you are talking to a social misfit, Iā€™m always surprised that people want to be anywhere near me let alone sleep with me. I donā€™t even like people much except as a concept. Yet it Iā€™ve managed to have several kids worth genital mixing. I totally get non interest in sex; I donā€™t get interest yet 0 results outside of a religious issue of some kind. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/93 "2014-10-17T18:57:24Z")
Nope. Iā€™m guessing our respective sex drives are not compatible. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/94 "2014-10-17T19:34:26Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > I totally get non interest in sex; I donā€™t get interest yet 0 results outside of a religious issue of some kind. Think just lots of bad luck. (That and for some reason, I tend to attrack the so-called ā€œ[Nice Guys](http://heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml)ā€. Hell if I know why. And no, Iā€™m not sleeping with some creepy, wannabe stalker, just for the sake of sleeping with someone. Fuck that shit) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/95 "2014-10-17T19:37:59Z")
> [@Lowdown](#): > > Nope. Iā€™m guessing our respective sex drives are not compatible. 40-year old virgin doesnā€™t necessarily mean low sex drive. Maybe they avoided premarital sex for religious reasons. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/96 "2014-10-17T19:44:29Z")
I agree with the other reasons posted here, and Iā€™ll add one more: inexperience. Teaching someone isnā€™t nearly as sexy as it sounds. Iā€™m way past the stage where Iā€™d have any patience for it. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/97 "2014-10-17T19:48:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Think just lots of bad luck. (That and for some reason, I tend to attrack the so-called ā€œ[Nice Guys](http://heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml)ā€. Hell if I know why. And no, Iā€™m not sleeping with some creepy, wannabe stalker, just for the sake of sleeping with someone. Fuck that shit) Iā€™m empathize. In other news, thanks for the link, I forgot about that site. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/98 "2014-10-17T19:57:48Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > 40-year old virgin doesnā€™t necessarily mean low sex drive. Maybe they avoided premarital sex for religious reasons. Yeah dudeā€¦if religion trumps getting your freak on, we are not compatible. I canā€™t imagine _avoiding_ sex for any reason. (Aside from obvious things like STDs or missing equipment.) (And by avoiding I mean: not seeking it out at every reasonable opportunity.) ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/99 "2014-10-17T20:12:34Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I think itā€™s worth mentioning that many Christians believe sex should be saved for marriage, or is wrong before marriage. And there are many Christians in America. There are of course many other reasons why a 40-year old might be a virgin, but this is one to take into account. Good point. Furthermore, people can have changes of faith, so someone whoā€™s a virgin for religious reasons might not still have religious hangups. That said, not having religion doesnā€™t free one from religious hangups. The first time I had sex, I was not the least bit religious, and was astonished to feel very powerful guilt feelings. It caught me completely by surprise, and contributed to messing up that relationship. Fortunately, I got over it. > [@monstro](#): > > I will likely be an 40-year-old virgin. > > If I were to wake up on my 40th birthday wth raging lust and a desire to be romantically involved, thereā€™s no way I would put myself out on the market the next day. Thatā€™s a tragedy waiting to happen. I donā€™t believe myself to be ā€œseriously messed upā€ (thankyouverymuch), but thereā€™s no doubt that I would be quite awkward and off-putting. Not because thereā€™s something wrong with me. Not because Iā€™m a bad person. But because I simply donā€™t have practice. I wouldnā€™t want to burden someone with being my patient instructor, and I wouldnā€™t want to burden myself with the shame and embarrassment of not ā€œmeasuring upā€ to the abilities of a typical 40-year-old. > > So what Iā€™d do is work with a sex therapist and surrogant partner. What this would at least do is remove the stigma of ā€œvirginā€ from my psyche and equip me with the basicsā€¦so that MAYBE my short-comings would be seen as more endearing than annoying. Good thinking. In addition, there are people who enjoy doing this, um, as amateurs. Finding them might be the tricky bit. Notice that the ā€œcasualā€ vote is very low, and I wonder how many of those were men. (I didnā€™t vote, since itā€™s clearly intended for women.) ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455/100 "2014-10-17T20:23:26Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I think itā€™s worth mentioning that many Christians believe sex should be saved for marriage, or is wrong before marriage. And there are many Christians in America. There are of course many other reasons why a 40-year old might be a virgin, but this is one to take into account. It appears to me (and I am a Christian, but not one who thinks sex should be saved for marriage), that a lot of these folks get married before 40; and really get married incredibly young. Well, unless one is a Priest or Nun. I used to go to a Pentecostal youth group, and a lot of those people seemed to have tied the knot before 25. Sometimes, it seems to me, that knowing sex is only for marriage tends to accelerate the dating process (for one, ā€˜casual datingā€™ doesnā€™t really exist for a lot of these people, theyā€™ll only accept dating someone that they could see marrying, who shares the same belief on waiting until marriage). There have been more a few friends of mine from Facebook from this Pentecostal church who seemingly got married less than a year after they started dating (or at least Facebook dating ;)). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin/701455.md?page=6)