# Would you date a BBW? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711 "2014-03-14T19:39:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/41 "2014-03-14T23:52:37Z")
I’m surprised at how many of you guys have an anti-fat thing. I don’t think anyone can help what they’re attracted to, though. (“There’s no accounting for taste,” in the original sense.) This same concept has come up for me, though, elsewhere. Like, I find I’m really only attracted to someone from my own culture. No foreigners. Is that weird? ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/42 "2014-03-15T00:32:46Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I’m surprised at how many of you guys have an anti-fat thing. I don’t think anyone can help what they’re attracted to, though. (“There’s no accounting for taste,” in the original sense.) > > This same concept has come up for me, though, elsewhere. Like, I find I’m really only attracted to someone from my own culture. No foreigners. Is that weird? I just came to type that. I’m very surprised the results are so even. In my experience BBW doesn’t…generally…mean fat or obese. When I think of BBW, I think of say, large burlesque dancers. Women with pretty faces and features that are large but proportional to each other. Busty women with wide hips. That sort of thing. Or maybe I’m just not even bothering to look at the fat ugly girls on BBW forums…ERRRRRRRR…I mean, in my younger days of internet research. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/43 "2014-03-15T00:36:14Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > No. Just as the majority of women (in Western society, anyhow) aren’t attracted to men who are shorter than they are, I’m not attracted to women that are larger or bulkier than me. Oddly enough though we see cute girls with fat guys\* all the time. I think it’s some kind of daddy issue. - No I don’t mean The King of Queens trope. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/44 "2014-03-15T00:51:16Z")
No, I could not date a fat gal. Fat turns me off. I have never seen a woman who was too skinny to appeal to me (a skinny gal might be unappealing to me in many ways, but being too skinny would not be one of them). ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/45 "2014-03-15T00:53:57Z")
I hate the term BBW. Loathe it. Despise it. It’s obnoxious when people use it to describe themselves, and even more obnoxious when people use it as a euphemism for “fat.” In the former case, it smacks of being defensive about being fat and it’s just rude to call yourself “beautiful” anyway. In the latter case, it’s a transparent attempt to butter up the fat women, or at least pander to their delusions in an attempt to be polite. “Beautiful” does not follow from “big.” A woman may be big and beautiful, but it’s much more likely that she’s big and average-looking or big and ugly. And when a guy says to me “I just love BBWs,” that means he sees me as a fat chick and not a chick who is fat. It’s not a compliment. **Incubus** - I know you were trying to be polite by phrasing the OP like that, but you obviously don’t think big women are automatically beautiful. I liked your OP overall, by the way. My preferred euphemism for myself would be plus-sized. It’s pretty objective and value neutral. I shop in the plus-size section the store. That’s a fact. But you can call me big, fat, overweight, heavy, clinically obese, whatever. It’s all accurate, and as long as you’re not using it as an insult I don’t care. And you can call me beautiful if you think I am. But please don’t call me a BBW. > [@](#): > > I’m sure a % of men that wouldn’t date a BBW would be willing to have sex with one. That’s for sure. There’s no shortage of guys who want to schtupp me, but fewer that try to get me to have real romantic relationships with them. Then again, that could be more because of my weird-ass personality than the size of my waistline. > [@Mr.Accident](#): > > Engaged to one now and never been happier. She’s the complete opposite of everything I’ve looked for in a woman. That’s a top-notch username-post combo! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/46 "2014-03-15T00:54:46Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I’m surprised at how many of you guys have an anti-fat thing. I don’t think anyone can help what they’re attracted to, though. (“There’s no accounting for taste,” in the original sense.) > > This same concept has come up for me, though, elsewhere. Like, I find I’m really only attracted to someone from my own culture. No foreigners. Is that weird? You’re right, people like what they like. Though in the case of BBWs, I often wonder the reason guys like them is different than the reason they _think_ they like them. Maybe a man is attracted to a BBW because he honestly thinks they are going to be an easy lay/relationship. He might assume a BBW is more ‘desperate’ than a conventionally attractive woman, and have a smaller dating pool. That guy has less other guys to compete for her interest, so its more likely he’ll have sex or get into a relationship. But maybe the guy isn’t consciously doing this- it would be embarassing for him to admit that he’s only having sex with a fat woman because its ‘easier’. So he concludes its because of her personality, or something he thinks fat women have over thin women (mass?) Then there’s the Silver Medal theory. This is the idea that if presented with a choice between two women who are more or less equal in personality, intelligence, kindness, motivation, etc, maybe he’ll pick the conventionally attractive one. But if that woman is out of his league or simply not interested in him, he’s willing to settle for option B(BW). Its not neccessarilly that the BBW was ‘inferior’, but, like the first example, more accessible to the guy. So she’s his Silver Medal. But since nobody likes the idea of ‘settling’ or having someone else ‘settle for’ them, nobody wants to admit to themselves this is happening. Again, they rationalize it by coming up with some alternate theory. How many politicians, celebrities, scholars, or atheletes are married to a BBW? Very few, I would guess; certainly fewer than the percentage of obese women in the population ( about 1/3 of all women in the US). If their size really wasn’t an issue, don’t you think you would see a more even distribution? Conversely, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a _higher_ than average rate of men married to BBWs in lower income categories, since we do know there’s a correlation between wealth and weight. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/47 "2014-03-15T00:56:21Z")
I thought the bigger than average women in the Dove advertising campaign were attractive. I also thought Wendy Jo Sperber was hot. I wouldn’t date anyone now since I’m married, but I probably would have dated someone bigger than average but not obese. Btw, my wife is curvy but not overweight. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/48 "2014-03-15T00:58:39Z")
**Green Bean** , weren’t you married for a little while? Obviously that guy was willing to have a relationship with you. ‘Plus Size’ is a much broader category. Isn’t dress sizes at 14+ considered plus size? ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/49 "2014-03-15T01:06:13Z")
The women in the Dove ads are conspicuously lacking stomach rolls, back boobs, floppy arm wings, cellulite, stretch marks, consicuous double chins, those little red spots chunky women seem to get on their upper arms, and dark patches around their armpits and inner thighs. The photos are obviously done in such a way to look as flattering as possible (not that conventionally attractive models don’t have a lot of ‘movie magic’ done to them in ads) ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/50 "2014-03-15T01:11:06Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Maybe a man is attracted to a BBW because he honestly thinks they are going to be an easy lay/relationship. He might assume a BBW is more ‘desperate’ than a conventionally attractive woman, and have a smaller dating pool. That guy has less other guys to compete for her interest, so its more likely he’ll have sex or get into a relationship. But maybe the guy isn’t consciously doing this- it would be embarassing for him to admit that he’s only having sex with a fat woman because its ‘easier’. So he concludes its because of her personality, or something he thinks fat women have over thin women (mass?) No, I like them because I like big tits and a big ass and those things usually come with bigger girl. Is that so hard to believe? ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/51 "2014-03-15T01:11:44Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > … I’m dating a fat dude. I’m also a fat woman. We chose to date each other … > \*\* > P.S. I hate the term BBW. It’s fetishistic and has bad connotations. Just call us fat, please.\*\* This - The term is offensive, as if the obese are trying to redefine themselves as somehow more desirable than they are conventionally regarded. Sorry, but you are fat. And you over there - you’re obese. And you, all 400 pounds of you - you are morbidly obese. And more than one trying to wrap herself in the word “beautiful” is simply grotesque. Being unable to walk though a normal doorway is NOT a “beautiful” thing. So far, I have met only women who call themselves fat if they mention their weight at all, so I don’t personally know any self-described “Big Beautiful Women” - all I know is what some who choose to post pics of themselves under that banner. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/52 "2014-03-15T01:15:00Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > **Green Bean** , weren’t you married for a little while? Obviously that guy was willing to have a relationship with you. Did I imply that nobody wanted to have a relationship with me? I didn’t mean to. Yes, plenty of guys have tried to have romantic relationships with me. Even more have tried to get me into bed. That’s all I meant. That’s probably true for any woman, but I’d bet the proportion is higher for heavier women. And yeah, I was married for a decade. > [@](#): > > ‘Plus Size’ is a much broader category. Isn’t dress sizes at 14+ considered plus size? Sort of. Plus-size isn’t just the number on the tag. Plus-sized clothes are generally fit on an entirely different model. So a regular-size dress might have been created on a size 6 fit model and then the pattern enlarged/ensmalled to make the different sizes on the rack. Once you get past a certain size, though, that stops working so well because the proportions go really awry. And besides, fat women are usually bulgier, so that has to be taken into account. So plus-sized clothes are usually designed a bit differently and fit on a plus-size fit model, and then sized up and down from there. The lowest size you’ll usually see in a plus-size store is a 14W, though they’re kind of rare IMW. Note the W. A 14W is different than a 14, and it’s probably more like a 16 in regular sizes. I usually see sizes starting at 16W or 18W. Anyhow, “plus-size” is indeed a broad category (no pun intended), but so is “fat.” It does imply that I am genuinely a larger-type person and not just a skinny woman going “tee hee I’m soooo fat!” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/53 "2014-03-15T01:17:03Z")
Weird double post! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/54 "2014-03-15T01:21:32Z")
> [@lost4life](#): > > I would not date a BBW nor a Mercedes. And they always flash their headlights in your rear end! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/55 "2014-03-15T01:37:36Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > You’re right, people like what they like. Though in the case of BBWs, I often wonder the reason guys like them is different than the reason they _think_ they like them. > > Maybe a man is attracted to a BBW because he honestly thinks they are going to be an easy lay/relationship. He might assume a BBW is more ‘desperate’ than a conventionally attractive woman, and have a smaller dating pool. That guy has less other guys to compete for her interest, so its more likely he’ll have sex or get into a relationship. But maybe the guy isn’t consciously doing this- it would be embarassing for him to admit that he’s only having sex with a fat woman because its ‘easier’. So he concludes its because of her personality, or something he thinks fat women have over thin women (mass?) > > Then there’s the Silver Medal theory. This is the idea that if presented with a choice between two women who are more or less equal in personality, intelligence, kindness, motivation, etc, maybe he’ll pick the conventionally attractive one. But if that woman is out of his league or simply not interested in him, he’s willing to settle for option B(BW). Its not neccessarilly that the BBW was ‘inferior’, but, like the first example, more accessible to the guy. So she’s his Silver Medal. But since nobody likes the idea of ‘settling’ or having someone else ‘settle for’ them, nobody wants to admit to themselves this is happening. Again, they rationalize it by coming up with some alternate theory. Or maybe they just like the women in question. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And please stop saying BBW. You’re being completely insincere. You find heavier women less attractive than thinner women. That’s fine, but why would you keep using “beautiful” to describe women you don’t find beautiful? > [@](#): > > How many politicians, celebrities, scholars, or atheletes are married to a BBW? Very few, I would guess; certainly fewer than the percentage of obese women in the population ( about 1/3 of all women in the US). If their size really wasn’t an issue, don’t you think you would see a more even distribution? Nope, because celebrities have to worry about what people like you think of them. Regular people don’t. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/56 "2014-03-15T01:40:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Would you date a BBW? No, because I married one, and she’d be awfully upset if I cheated on her. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/57 "2014-03-15T01:53:06Z")
I would not date a woman of any size. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/58 "2014-03-15T01:56:20Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > You’re under the misconception that human qualities are a zero-sum game and that fat women don’t obsess over what people think of them (as opposed to what, a proportionally-thin woman magically being self-conscious because she’s thin? 😛 ). Plenty of conventionally attractive women are self confident and fun to mambo with. So what does a fat woman offer that a conventionally attractive can’t? You are under the misconception that I said all fat women don’t obsess about what people think about them. What I said was > [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Positive aspects of a fat woman \*\*who is comfortable in her skin? \*\*She doesn’t obsess over what people think of her. She knows there are a lot of guys like the OP. Shallow and self absorbed. Being comfortable in my skin makes me comfortable with my guy. It’s not for nothing that big girls have the reputation of being fun to mambo with. I’m not worrying about how big my ass looks, or if my boobs are saggy, or if he is going to like my body. I like my body, my ass is big and after a certain size and age all boobs are saggy. But I am sassy, sexy and fun. Men understand that. Little boys don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/59 "2014-03-15T02:10:51Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > But I am sassy, sexy and fun. Men understand that. Little boys don’t. You’re saying that a man who doesn’t find you attractive is a “little boy?” ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/60 "2014-03-15T02:22:01Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > I’m not worrying about how big my ass looks, or if my boobs are saggy, or if he is going to like my body. I like my body, my ass is big and after a certain size and age all boobs are saggy. But I am sassy, sexy and fun. Men understand that. Little boys don’t. Seriously? I’m not a real man because I don’t happen to find large women sexually attractive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711.md?page=4)