# Would you date a BBW? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711 "2014-03-14T19:39:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/61 "2014-03-15T02:22:13Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > I don’t think there’s anything you could generalize about the personality of a woman because of her body size. All the ranges of personalities of represented. Exactly. Fat woman _weighing in_ here. I’ve dated men of all heights, shapes, and sizes. Obviously I’m lacking in ‘grotesqueness’ and I just finished yet another degree in December so, nope, not lazy. Oh, and did I mention that 10K that I ran in September? Obviously all fat women are worthless pieces of… Nonetheless, I’m generally a live and let live kind of person. Sure, I understand that a woman my size might not be your cup of tea, _Incubus_, but you don’t have to be fucking insulting about it. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/62 "2014-03-15T02:24:30Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > You’re right, people like what they like. Though in the case of BBWs, I often wonder the reason guys like them is different than the reason they _think_ they like them. > > Maybe a man is attracted to a BBW because he honestly thinks they are going to be an easy lay/relationship. He might assume a BBW is more ‘desperate’ than a conventionally attractive woman, and have a smaller dating pool. That guy has less other guys to compete for her interest, so its more likely he’ll have sex or get into a relationship. But maybe the guy isn’t consciously doing this- it would be embarassing for him to admit that he’s only having sex with a fat woman because its ‘easier’. So he concludes its because of her personality, or something he thinks fat women have over thin women (mass?) > > Then there’s the Silver Medal theory. This is the idea that if presented with a choice between two women who are more or less equal in personality, intelligence, kindness, motivation, etc, maybe he’ll pick the conventionally attractive one. But if that woman is out of his league or simply not interested in him, he’s willing to settle for option B(BW). Its not neccessarilly that the BBW was ‘inferior’, but, like the first example, more accessible to the guy. So she’s his Silver Medal. But since nobody likes the idea of ‘settling’ or having someone else ‘settle for’ them, nobody wants to admit to themselves this is happening. Again, they rationalize it by coming up with some alternate theory. Here’s a weird alternate theory: I get attracted to _women_, not _sizes of_ women. I’ve been attracted to, and fallen in love with, large women, skinny women, and everything in between. I’m not a BBW-lover in the sense that I didn’t select \*for \*overweight women during my single years, but I didn’t filter them _out_, either. If a large woman is a person who’s fun to be with, I will want to be with her, same as with a skinny woman who’s fun to be with. If it turns out, as it did with my wife, that we connect in deeper ways, the weight is neither here nor there. And once you connect with a woman in deeper ways, it’s not a matter of her v. someone else, it’s all about you and her, and whether it’ll work with her now and into the future. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/63 "2014-03-15T02:37:16Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > But I am sassy, sexy and fun. In my experience, in a big woman that’s usually shorthand for loud and annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/64 "2014-03-15T02:52:01Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > In my experience, in a big woman that’s usually shorthand for loud and annoying. In fairness to big women, have you ever met anyone of any size who described themselves as sassy, sexy and fun, and wasn’t loud and annoying? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/65 "2014-03-15T03:04:56Z")
I’m loving the irony of the OP being schooled in something as basic as sexual attraction when he’s got an active thread poking fun of Dopers who don’t understand [easy-to-understand concepts](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=718253). What is so freakin’ hard about people liking what they like? Not everyone lets the media dictate to them what is attractive and what isn’t. It’s as simple as that. No pseudo-psychoanalysis is necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/66 "2014-03-15T03:19:27Z")
BBW? Yes, but let’s get clear with the fact that most fat women are not BBW, they are simply fat and unattractive. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/67 "2014-03-15T03:53:33Z")
I have not only dated big beautiful women, I have dated one big ugly woman. May God forgive me for saying it, but she’s just flat-out ugly. Yet her heart is as beautiful as any woman’s in the world, and I like her a hell of a lot. We’ve had a dozen dates or so, and we still get together (non romantically) now and then. Also one big kinda plain woman. Not beautiful, not ugly. Hey, I’m no prize myself! We dumpy lookin’ guys will take what we can get! ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/68 "2014-03-15T04:49:33Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > In fairness to big women, have you ever met anyone of any size who described themselves as sassy, sexy and fun, and wasn’t loud and annoying? It’s one of those irregular adjectives: I am sassy; you are overbearing; he is obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/69 "2014-03-15T05:14:21Z")
I don’t have a big-girl fetish. I wouldn’t date someone of any size (though especially a thin or average-sized woman) who made “BBW” a significant part of her identity or self-concept, even just in a sexual/romantic context. I would, if I were on the market, date anyone I was compatible with whom I found attractive, and fat women aren’t disqualified from that. So it’s hard for me to know how to answer the question. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/70 "2014-03-15T05:49:23Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > You are under the misconception that I said all fat women don’t obsess about what people think about them. What I said was > I’m not worrying about how big my ass looks, or if my boobs are saggy, or if he is going to like my body. I like my body, my ass is big and after a certain size and age all boobs are saggy. But I am sassy, sexy and fun. Men understand that. Little boys don’t. What a strange last sentence this is. I assure you that men who are attracted to slim women (or men) are not - “little boys.” An adult may be immature for many reasons, but personal taste should not be a factor when judging someone. My guy likes skinny women, and he’s certainly no boy. What each of us finds attractive is simply a matter of personal preference. Period. I have never dated a fat man, but I can understand perfectly well that people of all shapes and sizes can be comfortable in their own skin. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/71 "2014-03-15T08:31:32Z")
Yep, several of the women I’ve dated have not been petite at all. Where you start to lose me is where your outline stops resembling a woman and starts resembling a Hippity-hop. I want curves, not roundness that continues in a full circle. That’s just me, though. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/72 "2014-03-15T09:15:37Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You’re saying that a man who doesn’t find you attractive is a “little boy?” > [@hajario](#): > > Seriously? I’m not a real man because I don’t happen to find large women sexually attractive. Again, apparently comprehension and context are not strong with some of you. Judging someone’s attractiveness based solely on weight; judging who a person is and really anything about them based on one physical attribute is juvemile and childish. You personally don’t find me personally attractive? Cool, live and let live. But to make assunptions on my intelligence among other things without knowing me at all? Grown up men do not do that. > [@Penfeather](#): > > In my experience, in a big woman that’s usually shorthand for loud and annoying. Your experience does not make universal truth. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/73 "2014-03-15T09:26:43Z")
Sorry for the double post. In the process of editing, I missed the five minute window. :smack: In the topics about height, I never made generalizations about the personality of short guys. In fact, I readily admitted that I might be missing out on some really great guys. I never said that no woman would or could find them attractive, and I never said they were universally unappealing. What I said was I don’t find them attractive. And I was called shallow for that. The OP makes a pronouncement from on high that fat women are “just overall lazy, delusional, passive, dumb, etc.” If you can’t see the difference, I can’t help you. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/74 "2014-03-15T09:40:11Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Your experience does not make universal truth. The devil you say! ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/75 "2014-03-15T14:35:42Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Again, apparently comprehension and context are not strong with some of you. Judging someone’s attractiveness based solely on weight; judging who a person is and really anything about them based on one physical attribute is juvemile and childish. You personally don’t find me personally attractive? Cool, live and let live. **But to make assunptions on my intelligence among other things without knowing me at all?** Grown up men do not do that. > > Your experience does not make universal truth. Who did that? I guess the OP maybe made a few slight passes at it, but I didn’t see it anywhere else. Unless you’re saying that not giving you a chance SOLELY because you are very overweight is “juvenile and childish” in which case I respectfully disagree. Why would I force myself to try and be attracted to someone where there is no attraction? ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/76 "2014-03-15T14:44:15Z")
Sure. My ideal body type is probably average to high end of average BMI range, but I’d prefer someone who’s a bit heavier than that range, to someone who’s a bit lighter. I’m 5’8’’, 132 myself, so this isn’t a case of being attracted to people who ‘look like me’ or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/77 "2014-03-15T15:18:28Z")
TBH I think women of a slightly more larger build are often more attractive, but there’s a limit. If someone calls themselves BBW, it’s probably because ‘overweight’ isn’t enough ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/78 "2014-03-15T15:23:23Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > No, because I married one, and she’d be awfully upset if I cheated on her. 🙂 You stole my post 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/79 "2014-03-15T18:19:53Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Damn. Why so bitter? I like what I like and I have no problem “admitting” that to my friends if it ever came up in conversation. Christina Hendricks has a beautiful face and I love red hair but she’s not my type at all. I am not attracted to her (not that she would even begin to give a shit) and my eyes are just fine. Why so defensive if your reason for not finding her attractive is not the one he was referring to? If the reason someone dislikes Christina Hendrix is because they think she’s fat, I’m okay with calling that person delusional. They have to have not noticed that most women are about her size. Most likely they look at television or Hollywood and think that they represent normal humanity. If her body type doesn’t do anything for you, I can’t argue with that. But holding her up as a fat or BBW woman is just stupid. She’s normal with a big chest. (Personally, I agree with you. When seen on her own, without stuff being done to make her look better, her body just isn’t all that attractive. But I’ve known bigger women who are.) As for my answer to the OP: I again hate categorically denying any subset of people, but I have to admit that I’ve not met any attractive woman who describes herself as BBW. Granted, a lot of that seems to be the personality that goes with the label. You seem to have to be loud and brash to call yourself that. A little bit of confidence is good, but overconfidence is a deal breaker. ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711/80 "2014-03-15T18:22:07Z")
Tiny women, ick. My wife is a size 22 and that’s alright by me. Always attracted to women a little big, as long as they are put together. No slobs, have some pride. My concern now is that as my wife and I age is wear and tear on various joints and how much more difficult the recovery time is gonna be if we happened to need new knees &/or hips. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-bbw/683711.md?page=5)