# Would you date a perfect man who is a premature ejaculator? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2014, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382 "2014-11-11T23:17:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/41 "2014-11-12T13:49:11Z")
As a wise author once put it, “I see fingers and a tongue from here; anything else is gravy.” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/42 "2014-11-12T14:45:17Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Not willing to share the details of my early sex life, but roughly, it solved itself very quickly (like in 2 months) once I found a partner who didn’t restrict pussy access. Once I had this unlimited access, I stoped ejaculating as soon as I came anywhere near said pussy. What does “restrict pussy access” mean? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/43 "2014-11-12T14:57:48Z")
Finding oneself in a relationship in which one’s partner is not particularly interested in coital interaction, or who uses such interaction as a reward of some sort. Generally considered non-optimal. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/44 "2014-11-12T16:47:47Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > What does “restrict pussy access” mean? > [@Ethilrist](#): > > Finding oneself in a relationship in which one’s partner is not particularly interested in coital interaction, or who uses such interaction as a reward of some sort. Generally considered non-optimal. This. Very roughly, my first long-time partner fell in the first category (low sex drive, and a bit despising sex) and the second one in the second category (enjoying being in control and using sex as a tool). Very common, even when it’s not completely deliberate and conscious (for instance : “I’m unhappy with you, so, no sex” or letting herself “be desired”). And of course, in both cases, the fact that I was a premature ejaculator compounded the problem, since they wouldn’t get much from an intercourse, which didn’t make it very desirable. And the fact that I was extremely bothered by the issue and self-conscious about it didn’t help making intercourses fun. My third partner, on the other hand, had a very healthy attitude wrt sex. It didn’t last long, she wasn’t the best in the sack, it wasn’t an ideal relationship, she had her flaws, but sex was a non-issue. Basically I learned with her two things that changed drastically my sex life and my perception of sexuality : -That women can, in fact (and not just theoretically) want sex (which would turn out, in my later experiences, to be a common attitude) -That sex is no big deal, it’s just sex (which would turn out, in my later experiences, to be a rare attitude). In any case, my problem with premature ejaculation vanished almost as soon as sex stopped being something I was desperate about. When think of it, I was 28, not 26. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/45 "2014-11-12T16:54:23Z")
My answer to the OP is yes. Sex isn’t a ginormous deal to me, and even when it is, it’s not like intercourse alone usually leads to climax anyway. So my sexual pleasure is in not in any way contingent on whether a man is a premature ejaculator or not. Of course it would be good to work on it, I presume that would make things more pleasurable and comfortable for him in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/46 "2014-11-12T17:03:11Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > My answer to the OP is yes. Sex isn’t a ginormous deal to me, and even when it is, it’s not like intercourse alone usually leads to climax anyway. So, how are you doi , oops. be right back. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/47 "2014-11-12T17:14:58Z")
I couldn’t help but note there is a lot of discussion here about treatment for premature ejaculation but not many straight-up answers from women\*. This suggests to me that this is something guys worry about a lot more than women care about. Sort of how very few women give a shit about penis size but some men have convinced themselves that we’re all secretly judging. An alternative theory is that women don’t want to admit this would bother them. While that theory is also plausible, I would point out that most women can’t climax from intercourse alone, so this really has very little to do with women’s pleasure in general, and way more to do with the pleasure of the man in question. I can’t speak for other women but for my part, I don’t actually care. Well, I care insomuch as I imagine it would be stressful for the guy and I would want him to have maximum pleasure in a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. But as for whether it would impact how I viewed someone’s ‘‘datability’’ … or even ‘‘desirability’’ …not a chance. \*Not intentionally trying to exclude gay men but it seems to me that if you were a male bottom, premature ejaculation might be more of an issue in a prospective partner. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/48 "2014-11-12T17:25:01Z")
As my lesbian friend said, when asked what exactly do two women do in bed together, “Use your imagination, and if the only thing you can think of to do with a woman is shove your penis into her, then I feel sorry for you.” So while intercourse is a fun thing, it’s not the only thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/49 "2014-11-12T17:26:37Z")
> [@Spice Weasel](#): > > This suggests to me that this is something guys worry about a lot more than women care about. I think it also means that more guys experience this than women might realize, whether the guys worry about it or not. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/50 "2014-11-12T17:33:24Z")
It was my understanding that, from the point of view of most women, most men are premature ejaculators. That is to say, the time to climax for women is consistently longer than the time to climax for men, and so in order for the woman to climax at all, the man must usually resort to other means of stimulation. And if you’re using those other means anyway, just use them a bit more as needed. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/51 "2014-11-12T17:33:42Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > I think it also means that more guys experience this than women might realize, whether the guys worry about it or not. If that is the case, I hope they will find support and reassurance here. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/52 "2014-11-12T17:39:14Z")
What I’ve noticed in this thread is the men apparently don’t know much about it. Use two condoms! Double bag it! Jack off a lot! It shows men don’t know any more about their evil male parts than women know about their own evil female parts. If we were talking about a woman’s sexual problem the thread would be filled with support and compassion and understanding and pages of the latest research. Men seem to think the answer to everything is Viagra or something. Society is much more concerned with women’s needs being met. We make dick jokes, but we’re still pretty squeamish about seriously thinking about men’s sexual health. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/53 "2014-11-12T17:43:28Z")
> [@Aeschines](#): > > Not having this issue, I’ve always wondered: Can’t you just get him hard again, and he’ll have a harder time cumming the second time? And if not that time, then the third? [Gilbert Gottfried knows about this kind of thing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22GI3xz3ryg&t=4m15s)! ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/54 "2014-11-12T17:56:02Z")
I have only experienced PE a few times, but want to point out that SSRIs should absolutely be considered. They are effective in delaying ejaculation - too effective in my opinion. > [@](#): > > Most of the studies did not meet scientific standards, so a narrower analysis focused on eight randomized, placebo-controlled trials that included a stopwatch measurement of time to ejaculation. It found the following order of average effectiveness in increasing time to ejaculation was: paroxetine (an 8.8-fold increase); clomipramine (4.6-fold increase); sertraline (4.1-fold increase); and fluoxetine (3.9-fold increase). Research suggests that clomipramine might cause more bothersome side effects than SSRIs, which could limit its use. > **[Antidepressants for Premature Ejaculation - Consumer Reports](https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/04/antidepressants-may-help-men-with-sexual-difficulties/index.htm)** > > Learn about using antidepressants as a treatment for premature ejaculation with advice from the medical experts at Consumer Reports Health. Not everyone responds to SSRIs the same - and the dose needed for depression is not always the same as that to get the side effects. By trying several SSRIs you should have a good chance of finding one that has the desired effect with minimal other side effects. The idea that they are not effective is ridiculous - almost everyone I know who has been on an SSRI has experienced this side effect. I realize that this doesn’t show up in the official side effect profiles, but this is a well known issue with SSRIs and I can’t say everyone who suffers from it will benefit, but when you are dealing with 4-8 fold differences - you don’t need tons of well controlled studies to show a difference - that is a HUGE difference in medicine. You start off with a small dose and increase until you get desired side effect without too much undesired side effects. If you don’t like it - you switch to another - and repeat. There are plenty to choose from. I never found SSRIs effective for depression (they are effective - just not for everyone), but sometimes had to stop before hitting the FDA max, because they made it take forever to ejaculate. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/55 "2014-11-12T18:44:42Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > I have only experienced PE a few times, but want to point out that SSRIs should absolutely be considered. They are effective in delaying ejaculation - too effective in my opinion. > > [Antidepressants for Premature Ejaculation - Consumer Reports](http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/04/antidepressants-may-help-men-with-sexual-difficulties/index.htm) > > Not everyone responds to SSRIs the same - and the dose needed for depression is not always the same as that to get the side effects. By trying several SSRIs you should have a good chance of finding one that has the desired effect with minimal other side effects. > > The idea that they are not effective is ridiculous - almost everyone I know who has been on an SSRI has experienced this side effect. I realize that this doesn’t show up in the official side effect profiles, but this is a well known issue with SSRIs and I can’t say everyone who suffers from it will benefit, but when you are dealing with 4-8 fold differences - you don’t need tons of well controlled studies to show a difference - that is a HUGE difference in medicine. > > You start off with a small dose and increase until you get desired side effect without too much undesired side effects. If you don’t like it - you switch to another - and repeat. There are plenty to choose from. I never found SSRIs effective for depression (they are effective - just not for everyone), but sometimes had to stop before hitting the FDA max, because they made it take forever to ejaculate. I acknowledged that delayed orgasm was a well-documented side effect of most SSRIs. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/56 "2014-11-12T18:48:16Z")
I’d be interested to hear from anyone who actually has tried antidepressants as a treatment for P.E. and have them share their experiences. ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/57 "2014-11-12T19:22:39Z")
Relevant Lily Allen song: [Not Fair- Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/not-fair-lyrics-lily-allen.html) ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/58 "2014-11-12T19:39:13Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > He’s perfect in every way, but dude blows his load within 30 seconds every time. > > Dealbreaker? Stop being so _ **Hot!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/59 "2014-11-12T19:42:07Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’d be interested to hear from anyone who actually has tried antidepressants as a treatment for P.E. and have them share their experiences. I wasn’t prescribed paxil for P.E., but it was a definite side effect. When I took 40 mg, “completion” was almost impossible. At 20 mg, it just took a little extra time, which all in all was a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/60 "2014-11-12T19:57:54Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I wasn’t prescribed paxil for P.E., but it was a definite side effect. When I took 40 mg, “completion” was almost impossible. At 20 mg, it just took a little extra time, which all in all was a good thing. Well I’d like to hear from those who have actually had it prescribed for premature ejaculation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382.md?page=4)