# Would you date a perfect man who is a premature ejaculator? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2014, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382 "2014-11-11T23:17:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/61 "2014-11-12T20:30:58Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > What I’ve noticed in this thread is the men apparently don’t know much about it. Use two condoms! Double bag it! Jack off a lot! It shows men don’t know any more about their evil male parts than women know about their own evil female parts. What I noticed about your post was that you said how stupid all us guys are but you didn’t share your excellent knowledge about the subject. [The Mayo clinic recommends masturbating a couple hours before sex, and antidepressants, among other treatment options.](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/basics/treatment/con-20031160) What do you know about our evil male parts that we don’t? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/62 "2014-11-12T20:42:17Z")
> [@bup](#): > > What I noticed about your post was that you said how stupid all us guys are but you didn’t share your excellent knowledge about the subject. > > [The Mayo clinic recommends masturbating a couple hours before sex, and antidepressants, among other treatment options.](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/basics/treatment/con-20031160) > > What do you know about our evil male parts that we don’t? Yeah, jerking off and taking head-meds sounds like the medical community has put a lot of deep thought into it. **Ambivalid** has asked multiple times to hear about men who’ve used head-meds specifically for PE vs. experiencing it as a side effect. He also pointed out that the causes of PE can be quite varied. Hey, drink lots of booze. That has the side effect of slowing down ejaculation too. I didn’t claim to know all about men’s sexual health. I pointed out we don’t know much about men’s sexual health. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/63 "2014-11-12T20:56:52Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well I’d like to hear from those who have actually had it prescribed for premature ejaculation. Seems pretty simple. It doesn’t work for you, but it does for lots of others. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/64 "2014-11-12T23:08:08Z")
> [@sciurophobic](#): > > Relevant Lily Allen song: > > [Not Fair- Lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/not-fair-lyrics-lily-allen.html) Funny you should mention this, as I was thinking of [another Lilly Allen song](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lilyallen/notbig.html) in which she mocks an ex for having a small penis and premature ejaculation. I enjoy Lilly Allen but her songs are immature as hell and often cruel when it comes to relationships. But ‘‘Not Fair’’ I think is way more about having a disinterested partner than someone who comes prematurely. She says she spent ages giving head, after all. It’s not about a man with sexual dysfunction per se, but about a man who is a selfish lover. I consider myself a fan of that song. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/65 "2014-11-13T00:42:49Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Seems pretty simple. It doesn’t work for you, but it does for lots of others. Um, I still have not heard from a single person having been treated with SSRIs for premature ejaculation. Are you one such patient? ETA: And I DO experience delayed ejaculation with SSRIs, the issue for me is that it does not delay the ejaculation NEARLY enough to be considered anything close to ‘satisfactory’. What I have discovered over the years is to supplement my SSRI with Tramadol, an opiate pain medication with SSRI properties. This combination has proved to be excellent. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/66 "2014-11-13T13:03:31Z")
Choosing to date or not date a man who suffers from premature ejaculation is not really an issue for me, as I am NOT in that demogra– _Great Googly Mooglies!_ I’m sorry, I swear that’s never happened before… ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/67 "2014-11-13T13:51:33Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Um, I still have not heard from a single person having been treated with SSRIs for premature ejaculation. Are you one such patient? why do you need anecdotes when we have quoted 3 separate studies that showed clear improvement on randomised blind subjects? ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/68 "2014-11-13T14:35:13Z")
This isn’t really analogous to the obesity thing, because you aren’t going to know about this little problem until attraction has been well established. If a guy brought up the issue on the first date, I would be put off, but more because that’s a really weird thing to bring up than because of the problem itself. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/69 "2014-11-13T16:33:41Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > … I would point out that most women can’t climax from intercourse alone, so this really has very little to do with women’s pleasure in general… That implies that the woman’s pleasure in intercourse is primarily from orgasm. I can’t speak for anybody but myself, but my pleasure in intercourse has absolutely nothing to do with orgasms, because I’ve never had one from that, and I don’t expect I ever will. Never even feel like I’m getting close. But intercourse is still my favorite sexual activity. There is far more to sex than the pursuit of orgasms. (At least for a lot of people.) > [@Chronos](#): > > It was my understanding that, from the point of view of most women, most men are premature ejaculators. That is to say, the time to climax for women is consistently longer than the time to climax for men, and so in order for the woman to climax at all, the man must usually resort to other means of stimulation. And if you’re using those other means anyway, just use them a bit more as needed. Again, that implies that climax is the primary goal of a woman having intercourse and/or other sexual activity. Yes, the “other means of stimulation” are great and all, but for me, they’re no substitute for intercourse. I could have eleventy billion orgasms, and I still wouldn’t feel fully satisfied without intercourse,\* and I have frequently had no orgasm at all and have felt fully satisfied through intercourse. I understand that this is not true for many people, but it certainly is for me. Fortunately, I haven’t run into a man in a long time that couldn’t hold off just as long as he wanted, at least most of the time. So don’t infer that premature ejaculation isn’t a big problem from the fact that most women don’t climax from intercourse alone. It would be a huge problem for me, and it has nothing to do with orgasms. If the guy was truly perfect in other ways, I’d assume that part of that perfection would be a strong desire and willingness to do what it takes to overcome the problem, and if that doesn’t work (or in the meantime) find some sort of alternative solution that would be at least acceptable to me. So I guess I’d give it a shot, but damn, it would be difficult. - This is a generalization, but for the most part it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/70 "2014-11-13T18:28:10Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > That implies that the woman’s pleasure in intercourse is primarily from orgasm. Well, I can imagine how that might be true, but any pleasure I feel with intercourse is eclipsed by significantly more pain. So maybe the trick to being accepted for your sexual dysfunction is to find someone else with a compatible sexual dysfunction! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/71 "2014-11-13T18:43:36Z")
> [@coremelt](#): > > why do you need anecdotes when we have quoted 3 separate studies that showed clear improvement on randomised blind subjects? I don’t need a thing, I’d just like to hear from some people who have actually experienced it. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/72 "2014-11-13T19:24:35Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Well, I can imagine how that might be true, but any pleasure I feel with intercourse is eclipsed by significantly more pain. Ouch. Sorry. But given that you have a medical problem that puts you in the extreme minority, maybe you’re not the right person to make any generalizations about women’s sexuality regarding intercourse. > [@](#): > > So maybe the trick to being accepted for your sexual dysfunction is to find someone else with a compatible sexual dysfunction! Ah, now there’s a plan! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/73 "2014-11-13T20:02:19Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Ouch. Sorry. > > But given that you have a medical problem that puts you in the extreme minority, maybe you’re not the right person to make any generalizations about women’s sexuality regarding intercourse. I had to find out just how extreme of a minority I was… according to [this article](http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/09/the-checkup-women-pain-during-sex), 1/3 of all women have pain with intercourse. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/74 "2014-11-13T21:09:58Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I had to find out just how extreme of a minority I was… according to [this article](http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/09/the-checkup-women-pain-during-sex), 1/3 of all women have pain with intercourse. - Women with mild and occasional pain are included in that number. - It doesn’t address how many women experience enough pain that it “eclipses pleasure,” as you put it (though I don’t imagine it takes much pain for that to happen.) - It lumps all types of pain together. While it acknowledges that the pain can come from different sources, it doesn’t give us enough data to get a sense of what problems are most common. We also don’t know how the questions were worded. They could have easily made “yes” answers more likely. If you had surveyed me a few years ago, I would have been amongst that 1/3 of women. I suffered a separated pelvis while giving birth 12 years ago, and for years afterwards, things were often painful, but not enough to not want sex. I’m sure the pain was neither as acute or severe as what many women experience, but it sure did hurt. I still get achiness from time to time. I’ve also experienced other types of pain, but the causes were easy enough to resolve. If I had said that on the survey, would I be counted amongst the 1/3? So yes, women have pain during sex. That article does not answer the question of how many women have chronic pain so bad that they avoid intercourse? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/75 "2014-11-13T21:27:46Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > So yes, women have pain during sex. That article does not answer the question of how many women have chronic pain so bad that they avoid intercourse? I do not know the answer to that, but I am curious. It’s not like I go around telling everyone but of the handful of people I have told it doesn’t seem to be a common experience. OTOH I’ve had medical professionals tell me it is common enough. My comment upthread was not intended to be judgmental toward women who would rather not date a man who is a premature ejaculator. I think you are actually making a very good point that intercourse can be an end in itself, and you were also making a good point to suggest that’s a particular blind spot of mine. I’m not threatened by the idea that other people have different sexual preferences than I do, nor am I threatened by the idea that someone wouldn’t want to date me because of my issues. Clearly I am still able to have mutually fulfilling relationships and I would expect that to be the case for anyone with any kind of sexual dysfunction, provided both people in the relationship are invested in maximizing pleasure for both parties. I think there is a happy place for everybody. ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2014, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/76 "2014-11-14T06:20:23Z")
I’m don’t know how my ex-husband managed to disguise his, ermm, timing problem before we were married, but he did. Sex became 1-2-3-4-snore. Which, after a while, I used to my advantage. I could finish him off and be done with it before the sheets were even warm. It was a major disappointment and source of frustration. And I wouldn’t want to experience it again. Fortunately, I’m too old for it to matter now. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2014, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/77 "2014-11-14T07:11:43Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Well, I can imagine how that might be true, but any pleasure I feel with intercourse is eclipsed by significantly more pain. > > So maybe the trick to being accepted for your sexual dysfunction is to find someone else with a compatible sexual dysfunction! Use a cock ring. Masturbate more. Double bag it. Wussy. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/78 "2014-11-14T17:25:24Z")
Just lie back and think of Liechtenstein. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/79 "2014-11-14T17:26:40Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Use a cock ring. Masturbate more. Double bag it. Wussy. What kind of a response was that? > [@Whatever4](#): > > Fortunately, I’m too old for it to matter now. That is one of the saddest things I’ve read on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382/80 "2014-11-14T17:33:51Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I do not know the answer to that, but I am curious. It’s not like I go around telling everyone but of the handful of people I have told it doesn’t seem to be a common experience. OTOH I’ve had medical professionals tell me it is common enough. While I don’t know much about the subject, I’m not at all surprised to hear that that sexual pain is going under-reported, both to male partners and to medical professionals. I can think of two situations that people have shared with me. In the first, the guy was too damn long, and wouldn’t hold back or use a position where he couldn’t go too deep. The woman did not insist that he stop, and was left in pain and in tears. I don’t know why she didn’t tell him to get the hell off of her. In the second, a male friend’s long-term girlfriend had some sort of pain that made intercourse all but impossible. She refused to tell her doctor because it was “too embarrassing.” This was very upsetting to my friend, not because she couldn’t have intercourse, but because she wasn’t doing anything at all to address the problem–a problem which could be a symptom of serious health issues. He offered to go with her to the doctor, but she refused that too. The situation was putting some real strain on the relationship. He said he could live without the intercourse, but the other stuff was very upsetting to him. I lost touch with him, so I don’t know if they stayed together, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they broke up. So, two cases of pain. The first could have been easily and instantly solved if she had spoken up, although that sort of thing could be an intractable problem if you’re married to such a guy. In the second case, we don’t know if she problem could have been solved or mitigated, because the woman refused to look into it. Sad. > [@](#): > > I think there is a happy place for everybody. I agree completely. > [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Just lie back and think of Liechtenstein. Is Liechtenstein the answer? I wish I had known that the other night. I was informed that despite his best efforts, things would be coming to an end, not prematurely per se, but somewhat sooner than I might have liked. I said “think of baseball!” but that didn’t work. Hopefully that particular situation will not arise again, but if it does, I’m trying Liechtenstein. Unless you have any better ideas. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-perfect-man-who-is-a-premature-ejaculator/704382.md?page=3)