# Would you date a person with 3 kids? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2012, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306 "2012-03-20T13:38:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![5f4super](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/b5ac83/32.png) [@5f4super](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5f4super)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/81 "2012-06-11T21:08:35Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I have never been so happy to have reproduced, even though it was an accident. Oh, so you’re one of those people who thought about having a kid as much as you think about getting your Friday night case of beer. Something to be really fuckin’ proud of. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/82 "2012-06-12T02:54:51Z")
> [@5f4super](#): > > Oh, so you’re one of those people who thought about having a kid as much as you think about getting your Friday night case of beer. > > Something to be really fuckin’ proud of. Welcome to the SDMB, 5f4super. We have a rule here (our primary one) that says “Don’t be a jerk”. So let’s try to stay a little away from that line in the future. We have a forum (the BBQ Pit) where you can go if you want to start topics to insult or call out other members of the board, if you really get that upset over posts. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/83 "2012-06-12T03:52:16Z")
Depends. Would I date a guy with three kids, where “date” means “see casually for a short-term, but pleasant, affair”? Probably. I likely would not be even be mentioned to said kids if we knew it would only last, say, the length of his conference. Hell, if he were a lot of fun to be around and came back through yearly, I’d probably be amenable to a standing conference-long date. Would I date a guy with three kids, where “date” means “go out with in the interest of assessing one another for long-term relationship prospects”? No. I have no interest in children, either having them myself or otherwise acquiring them. I didn’t even babysit as a teen. I only mommy things that have four legs and fur coats. If nothing else, starting to date a single/divorced father would be disingenuous and not at all fair to him, since I know I’m not interested in being part of his children’s lives, and any father worth his salt would find _that_ a dealbreaker from his end. I might make an exception if the three kids were all old enough to be independent and self-supporting (off at college would be close enough, probably). I’m open to the idea of being a friend to his kids the same way I’d be open to being friends with his siblings, just not being a parental-type support. But I’m still young enough that me dating a guy with three 20+ year old kids might strike them as embarrassing or infuriating, and there’s a chance they’d try to set me on fire at the first holiday dinner I attended. Young nieces/nephews/cousins are cool, I just feel it’s better for all involved if dependent children are Not My Responsibility and Go Home With Other People after the weekend’s over. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/84 "2012-06-12T10:35:34Z")
If I was single: No. Hell NO! I wouldn’t be compatible with a single father, that’s all there is to it. Having or wanting kids is a deal breaker for me, so no point dating a single dad. If I was 50+ (I’m 33) and my hypothetical partner’s kids were all grown up and self-supporting, I might think about it, but I’d be very, very wary. You hear so many stories about kids returning to their parent’s home, or the grandparents raising their grandkids, so I’d be vey hesitant. ---
**Author:** ![5f4super](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/b5ac83/32.png) [@5f4super](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5f4super)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/85 "2012-06-12T22:21:15Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > She didn’t say you wouldn’t be here _today_, just not long. :rolleyes: > > And to contribute something to this thread, I agree with **Capt Kirk**. My mom was a single mom for 10 years after her divorce from my dad. I’m very grateful someone was willing to date (and eventually marry) her. All of us – her, my brother and I – had a hard time of it (we drank powdered milk at one time there), but she did a great job, and I think I turned out sorta OK, though some may disagree. 😉 And my stepdad is great. Glory hallelujah, thank you jayzoos praise the lard, I’m still here. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/86 "2012-06-13T01:54:57Z")
Not _would I?_, but am. I was in a long term relationship with a man who had custody of his two kids. Even after we went our separate ways (amicably), the kids and I still have a relationship along with their partners and their own children. Currently, the Fella and I have been dating for fourteen months. He has three kids, two of them disabled. Although they are older, part and parcel of who the Fella really is is a father. It’s difficult sometimes, but mostly worth any problems that come up. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/87 "2012-06-13T02:21:54Z")
> [@5f4super](#): > > No, you couldn’t. I don’t do breeders. > [@5f4super](#): > > Glory hallelujah, thank you jayzoos praise the lard, I’m still here. Ok, that’s enough with the trolling. Any more of this and you’re out on your ass. This is an official warning. ---
**Author:** ![lka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@lka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lka)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/88 "2014-10-17T14:34:19Z")
Hi, I’m commenting here so I can find this thread on the app, it’s not searching properly… I’m new too BTY, I’ll come back and edit my response soon… I found the site from a Google search on this subject… ---
**Author:** ![lka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@lka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lka)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/89 "2014-10-17T14:42:59Z")
Ahha there it is… Now I can tell my story… This is an old thread so maybe there’s not much interest. Lol… I’m a single father of 3… By two woman, I have the kids full-time. So my oldest was with my first marriage, she decided that she didn’t want kids when he was a couple months old and left me with him, that’s fine I was cool with it… A couple years later I met my second wife, she had no kids and really never had a boyfriend, she was 8 years younger then me, anyways she accepted my son and I, we were married after she finished school, and we immediately had two more kids (for the sake of argument I’ve been lucky in the Financial side of life and kids are well provided for.) anyways when our youngest was only 3m she passed away from a freak accident, now here I am again with 3 children and single. I’m 33 years old now and wondering what you’re views are on a situation like this? I haven’t dated yet but I’m “a person with 3 kids” lol. Life is a trip sometimes to say the least 😕 are there any other young widowers with kids here? ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306/90 "2014-10-17T14:55:39Z")
> [@breaking-reality](#): > > I certainly wouldn’t rule someone out because they had 3 kids, but it would give me pause. This. I think I would have to know someone longer before we went from friends to dating, and if he were divorced, I’d want to know how the divorce happened, and how the relationship with the ex is (I’d prefer that he and the ex were friends, than that they were arguing all the time; I’ve known second spouses who ended up as referees when the exes had to interact because of the children). Not wanting to get attached to the kids, and then end the relationship is a valid point, and especially in my case, since I have a son (I’m married, so in my hypothetical, I’m a widow), I wouldn’t want my son to get attached to his step-sibs, and then miss them, so I’d want someone I knew was able to remain on good terms with an ex, so if it happened that my son wanted to be able to see the kids again-- even if they never because step-sibs, if they simply became friends-- that could be worked out. > [@lavenderviolet](#): > > If it was a widower who had three kids with his wife, I think I’d be fine with that. I would have fewer reservations about this, partly because I’d have fewer reservations in general-- I’d have some about a divorced person, kids or no-- and in this situation, if the kids needed mothering, I’d be happy to do it. I was mothered by my aunt-by-marriage, so it would be karma. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-a-person-with-3-kids/616306.md?page=4)