# Would you date someone who had made multiple suicide attempts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977 "2007-07-24T17:28:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/21 "2007-07-24T21:57:25Z")
Not a chance. That’s someone who needs lots of professional help. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/22 "2007-07-24T22:26:32Z")
Not again! ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/23 "2007-07-24T23:07:13Z")
I have attempted suicide twice in my past. Once because of a girl, once because I lost my job, and was about to lose my apartment. Once was when I was 16, the other I was 19. I was a mess when I was younger, but I have grown up. I would say that if the attempt was recent, not likely. If it was a couple mistakes when one was younger, I would be forgiving. I am emotionally stable now (I am 30), and would never attempt suicide again. I am sure many people grow up and/or learn to get along with themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/24 "2007-07-24T23:48:43Z")
Hells no. One woman is enough. A crazy woman is…_shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/25 "2007-07-24T23:49:12Z")
Multiple? No. That reeks of attention-getting behaviour, not depression, to me. (There are, of course, valid exceptions to this _opinion_ of mine.) One, with subsequent therapy and recovery, perhaps; it would depend on the person in question. As I’ve gotten older I’ve discovered that I’m less tolerant of attention-seeking behaviour than I was when I was younger. Or, I’ll just cite my general rule of thumb: Never date anyone crazier than yourself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![oskar669](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oskar669](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oskar669)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/26 "2007-07-25T00:36:17Z")
I did… She was clinically depressed, but under medical and psychological treatment. I did not think about it too much, and she was stable for the time we were together. If I like someone I don’t think I would consciously take that into consideration. I understand that some people do, if they had been close to someone who did attempt or commit suicide. I haven’t. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/27 "2007-07-25T01:03:09Z")
I wish I could say ‘no.’ I want to, but honestly, I’m drawn to crazy girls. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/28 "2007-07-25T04:12:15Z")
Yes. Because I know such a woman, and I’ve seen how good a wife she’s become. I don’t think I could handle someone who was currently suicidal. But sometime in the past? Even the not-so-distant past? People do grow. They heal. I’ve seen it. (I also believe that many failed suicide attempts aren’t serious attempts to die. They should still be taken very seriously by everyone involved, but it’s not quite the same story) ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/29 "2007-07-25T04:42:25Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Hells no. One woman is enough. A crazy woman is…_shudder_ [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=RandMcnally] I wish I could say ‘no.’ I want to, but honestly, I’m drawn to crazy girls. [/QUOTE] :smack: Yes to both of these. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/30 "2007-07-25T04:45:28Z")
I wouldn’t. Not for anything. But a **lot** of that goes back to college experiences of mine. I had a roommate who was always talking about suicide. Not as in morbid humor (e.g. Well, I bombed that test so badly, I think I’ll go taste testing at the Muenscher Poisonous Plant Garden. What can I say, Cornell does have a reputation…) but always bringing up methods that he claimed would work, that he could just do, right now. At this point, if someone talks suicide to me, my response is usually: “If you want help to avoid that, here’s the local psych help line, or you can call 911 and get hospitalized. If you’re not prepared to do that, leave me alone and go drink your Draino.” I know that not all suicide attempts are attention seeking behaviors. I know, too, there’s an appalling ignorance in general of how death and potential suicde methods work, or don’t. But… my emotional response is that anyone serious about it, the first you’ll know about it is when you find the body. So anyone with the history of multiple failed attempts would just leave me too angry and defensive to be a good match. [QUOTE=Menocchio] Yes. Because I know such a woman, and I’ve seen how good a wife she’s become. I don’t think I could handle someone who was currently suicidal. But sometime in the past? Even the not-so-distant past? People do grow. They heal. I’ve seen it. [/QUOTE] You raise some very good and valid points. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to have a good relationship with someone who’d tried in the past. Just that it’s impossible for me to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/31 "2007-07-25T06:13:44Z")
I don’t date quitters. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/32 "2007-07-25T06:46:28Z")
People don’t fail to kill themselves multiple times unless they’re completely retarded (seriously, how hard can it be?) or not really suicidal. So, with that in mind, the question (for me, anyway) becomes, would I date a sociopath? I try not to. Sneaky bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/33 "2007-07-25T09:15:09Z")
> [@](#): > > **OtakuLoki** : At this point, if someone talks suicide to me, my response is usually: “If you want help to avoid that, here’s the local psych help line, or you can call 911 and get hospitalized. If you’re not prepared to do that, leave me alone and go drink your Draino.” That approach sounds perfectly rational. And that’s the problem. A person who is considering suicide – if that person has clinical depression – is _not_ rational. Depression affects the area of the brain that is responsible for making critical decisions and judgments. Do you think you could manage a little human kindness or warmth toward this human being? Which of you is clairvoyant enough to know for certain that someone’s continuing flubbed suicide attempts are not a cry for help rather than an attention getting devise? And if someone needed attention that badly, don’t you think they need help? People do _die_ from these attempts – sometimes whether they mean to or not. A psychiatrist will tell you that every attempt should be taken seriously. I would not marry someone with multiple suicide attempts, but only because my husband did. Medication with occasional counseling was what I needed. It’s interesting how that need for attention can go away when the right medication is found. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/34 "2007-07-25T09:18:22Z")
[QUOTE=Silver Fire] People don’t fail to kill themselves multiple times unless they’re completely retarded (seriously, how hard can it be?) or not really suicidal. So, with that in mind, the question (for me, anyway) becomes, would I date a sociopath? I try not to. Sneaky bastards. [/QUOTE] This is what I’m thinking. You’ve tried and failed multiple times? Either you’re completely incompetent or you’re just a big drama queen. I don’t find either quality attractive. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/35 "2007-07-25T10:24:03Z")
[QUOTE=Zoe] That approach sounds perfectly rational. And that’s the problem. A person who is considering suicide – if that person has clinical depression – is _not_ rational. Depression affects the area of the brain that is responsible for making critical decisions and judgments. Do you think you could manage a little human kindness or warmth toward this human being? [/QUOTE] **Zoe** , I thought I was making it clear that _my_ reaction is most emphatically _not rational_. I know I’m not entirely rational on the subject of suicide. Because of that I can not help someone with that situation. All I can do is point them, as gently or as firmly as I may, to the resources that exist that could help them - and then back away. Not because I don’t think that they have any value nor that they don’t deserve kindness and support, but because if I don’t back away I spend so much effort controlling my own urge to spew filth back at them I have almost no energy left to actually be able to provide any help. ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/36 "2007-07-25T10:50:23Z")
I’m not at a point in my life where “dating” means “living with” or “practically getting married” It depends on the person. Given my age and circumstances, “teen angst” is sort of in-the-now… and while some people are maturing really quickly right now, others think they are and are definitely not. This is a big part of why I don’t date anyway… I have enough angst without boys. Plus, I don’t really need or want a boy trying to take on MY angst either. But- suicide attempts wouldn’t be an automatic disqualifier, but I would be cautious and guarded. And I would absolutely not allow myself to end up in one of those relationships where I end up calling a friend at 3 AM crying my eyes out because my boyfriend insulted me and smacked me and raped my dog, but I can’t possibly break up with him because he’ll kill himself if I do :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/37 "2007-07-25T13:09:01Z")
[QUOTE=Sitnam] I don’t date quitters. [/QUOTE] So the person would have to keep attempting suicide? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/38 "2007-07-25T13:46:58Z")
[QUOTE=Zoe] Which of you is clairvoyant enough to know for certain that someone’s continuing flubbed suicide attempts are not a cry for help rather than an attention getting devise? And if someone needed attention that badly, don’t you think they need help? People do _die_ from these attempts – sometimes whether they mean to or not. [/QUOTE] Well of course the person needs help. I just don’t particularly think they need help from _ME_. Personally, I don’t think that not wanting to spend time with someone who is suicideally depressed makes me, or anyone else, a bad person. Obviously if your spouse _becomes_ depressed while you are together, that’s different. But if you’re out there dating, and you meet someone who’s depressed to the point where they’ve attempted suicide multiple times, not wanting to sign up for that actually seems rather sensible… ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/39 "2007-07-25T13:49:50Z")
No. One of my best friend’s husband was suicidal (I don’t know if he ever actually attempted suicide, but he once told ME - and he and I weren’t close buddies or anything - that he wanted to kill himself, which, btw, isn’t really a good conversation topic) and after watching her spend years trying to live for the both of them, and being afraid to quit because there wouldn’t be anyone around to stop him from committing suicide, I would never want to put myself in that situation. (My friend eventually divorced him; last I heard, he was living with his parents. She’s MUCH happier now.) ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977/40 "2007-07-25T14:14:03Z")
It depends entirely on whether said person had successfully sought treatment. If yes, and I was reasonably sure that she was on an even keel, and I was strongly attracted to her, yeah, I’d probably at least test the waters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-had-made-multiple-suicide-attempts/412977.md?page=3)