# Would you date someone who refused to date persons of his/her own race/ethnicity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 20, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881 "2010-08-20T15:47:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/1 "2010-08-20T15:47:38Z")
Let’s say that you are single and available to date. You meet a person of the proper gender for you who is highly attractive to you on a physical and emotional level, but of a different race or ethnicity than you; this person is clearly very attracted to you as well. You start going out, and things proceed swimmingly for a few weeks. But when you meet the person’s family, you overhear two of the new boyfriend/girlfriend’s siblings commenting that, though they like you quite a bit and hopes that the relationship succeeds, it is part of a pattern the new BF/GF has of never dating persons of their race. Later, in private, you ask the new BF/GF about this. The new BF/GF confirms that, yes, they do categorically refuse to become romantically involved with anyone of their own race. Would you be taken aback? Be tempted to end the relationship? End it on the spot? Shrug it off? Poll coming in just a moment. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/2 "2010-08-20T15:49:07Z")
I’d shrug it off. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/3 "2010-08-20T16:04:18Z")
Well, it depends - I don’t want to date anybody who has, you know, _issues._ If he just isn’t attracted to some people, okay, but some people say that and mean something completely different. So I didn’t answer in the poll because it depends on why. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/4 "2010-08-20T16:04:41Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > I’d shrug it off. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. Sure. But saying _I am primarily attracted to persons who look like \_ is not the same as saying _I categorically refuse to date persons of Race \_. For instance: I happen to be in the (probably very small) minority of Amercan men who is not especially attracted to Halle Berry. But I wouldn’t rule persons of her ethnicity out as a matter of policy. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/5 "2010-08-20T16:12:07Z")
I would (after the relationship progressed) find out why she doesn’t want to date within her own race. Maybe she will lie and say that she was just overwhelmed by my pasty white ass and giant, wrap-around sunglasses that fit over my bifocals. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/6 "2010-08-20T16:13:59Z")
Well, I see it like this. I have only ever dated people of my own race, and, at the time I dated them at least, they had only ever dated people of their same race as well (as far as I know; it didn’t always come up). Its functionally the same as only dating people of another race, right? And I know that I don’t do this for racist reasons, and I don’t think any of my partners did either. So I don’t see that it necessarily follows. I mean, it could; I would probably want to ask a few other questions and find out. But I don’t generally consider attraction to be a function of racism, either. I dunno, it would be a bit of a concern, but not a dealbreaker. Honestly, i think I’d be more perturbed by the family lumping me in with all the other white chicks he’s dated like that. That, to me, is racism, or at least a closer equivalent. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/7 "2010-08-20T16:21:24Z")
Living in San Francisco, there is a very large population of white men who are only interested in Asian women. There are a ton of threads on the local Yelp pages about it; so many white girls not getting dates because their white peers have _Yellow Fever_.\* Sadly, I had a friend who had a large slew of Asian women “for fun” but would only consider marrying a white woman. I found out several years later – after he was married – that his White wife caught him having affairs (with a Japanese girl he had been seeing the whole time) and divorced him. I never understood why, if his attraction was to primarily Asian girls, he wasn’t willing to marry one in the first place. Personally, I don’t care one bit and – in fact – have a coffee date with a Chinese gentleman tomorrow afternoon. I have dated black men, Japanese men, and Middle Easterns. I consider myself an equal-opportunity desperate woman, willing to date anyone compatible with my quirks! \*Apologies for the racial epithet - it IS a known phrase amongst those in the dating community and I am only quoting for effect. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/8 "2010-08-20T16:21:41Z")
Sure, I wouldn’t care. I personally know (but haven’t dated) quite a few people who never date ‘within their own race’ and it hasn’t struck me as weird or a bad thing. I’m not attracted to people who look like me or my family (WASPs with light coloring), so I can relate. I just don’t draw the line at ‘white’ - I tend to draw it at ‘pale, freckled, blond or red-headed’. I’ve only dated dark-haired men, one white (if ‘ethnic-looking’), one non-white. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/9 "2010-08-20T16:27:37Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@MegaBee](#): > > > > I’d shrug it off. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. > > Sure. But saying _I am primarily attracted to persons who look like \_ is not the same as saying _I categorically refuse to date persons of Race \_. Yeah, I still don’t think I’d particularly care unless it bled over into other aspects of her life. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > For instance: I happen to be in the (probably very small) minority of Amercan men who is not especially attracted to Halle Berry. But I wouldn’t rule persons of her ethnicity out as a matter of policy. Damn, son. I measure attractiveness in millihalles! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/10 "2010-08-20T16:35:22Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Sure. But saying _I am primarily attracted to persons who look like \_ is not the same as saying _I categorically refuse to date persons of Race \_. > > Yeah, I still don’t think I’d particularly care unless it bled over into other aspects of her life. > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > For instance: I happen to be in the (probably very small) minority of Amercan men who is not especially attracted to Halle Berry. But I wouldn’t rule persons of her ethnicity out as a matter of policy. > > Damn, son. I measure attractiveness in millihalles! I have made note of your preferences, and when it comes time to format & distribute the next generation of hookerboots I will bear it in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/11 "2010-08-20T16:35:39Z")
I’m always creeped out by people who fetishize other races – like white guys who are _only_ into Asian chicks or white chicks who are _only_ into black guys. I find it dehumanizing to their targets. I’m not talking about interracial relationships in general, I’m talking about a few individuals who exclusively fixate on one racial group to fetishize. That weirds me out. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/12 "2010-08-20T16:38:20Z")
The modern world demands tolerance. It doesn’t demand association, and it doesn’t demand favor. So there’s really nothing to hold against this person. There’s a lot of things about other cultures that I can’t stand, ranging from food to grammar to music. I wouldn’t expect to date someone from that culture, so why would I attempt to force others to date anyone and everyone? You can’t disqualify a certain group from working with you or voting with you or sitting next to you on the bus. But you’re allowed to refuse to date anyone and any group you damn well please. ETA: I think I should point out, in case people missed it, that the SO in the OP won’t date someone of their own race, not other races. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/13 "2010-08-20T16:39:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m always creeped out by people who fetishize other races – like white guys who are _only_ into Asian chicks or white chicks who are _only_ into black guys. I find it dehumanizing to their targets. > > I’m not talking about interracial relationships in general, I’m talking about a few individuals who exclusively fixate on one racial group to fetishize. That weirds me out. I agree completely but something I have found interesting is that much of hentai porn (Japanese anime porn, essentially) OFTEN has the cartooned men appear more Anglo than Asian. Of course the women are depicted with anatomical anomalies which would be a physical impossibility, but that is another subject. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/14 "2010-08-20T16:40:22Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > The modern world demands tolerance. It doesn’t demand association, and it doesn’t demand favor. So there’s really nothing to hold against this person. There’s a lot of things about other cultures that I can’t stand, ranging from food to grammar to music. I wouldn’t expect to date someone from that culture, so why would I attempt to force others to date anyone and everyone? > > You can’t disqualify a certain group from working with you or voting with you or sitting next to you on the bus. But you’re allowed to refuse to date anyone and any group you damn well please. > > ETA: I think I should point out, in case people missed it, that the SO in the OP won’t date someone of their own race, not other races. Yeah, but I’m also allowed to refrain from dating people with that kind of mental illness. ---
**Author:** ![GHO57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df788c/32.png) [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/15 "2010-08-20T16:41:24Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@MegaBee](#): > > > > I’d shrug it off. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. > > Sure. But saying _I am primarily attracted to persons who look like \_ is not the same as saying _I categorically refuse to date persons of Race \_. > > For instance: I happen to be in the (probably very small) minority of Amercan men who is not especially attracted to Halle Berry. But I wouldn’t rule persons of her ethnicity out as a matter of policy. [del]You’re not alone in that;[/del] Halle does nothing for me… hmm I’m not an American, so on second thought you might still be alone. Also, in regards to **Bee** ’s comment; I think people are attracted to \*whom \*they’re attracted to, not _what_. Anyone attracted to a _what_, isn’t someone I’d consider dating. …anyways… there was talk about a cookie iirc? ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/16 "2010-08-20T16:44:22Z")
Shit, I would love to meet a white chick who refuses to date white guys. It would be fun to ride her unicorn around the apartment too. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/17 "2010-08-20T16:46:48Z")
My mom is Cuban and she refused to date any Latinos or Spaniards of any stripe because she finds them misogynistic. She was set up on several blind dates, and they never turned out well. So on her own she never dated them. No big deal. People have their dealbreakers. But that’s totally different than white guys who only date Asian chicks, or white girls who only date black guys. That is just plain creepy, like **Dio** said. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/18 "2010-08-20T16:47:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m always creeped out by people who fetishize other races – like white guys who are _only_ into Asian chicks or white chicks who are _only_ into black guys. I find it dehumanizing to their targets. It needn’t be fetishizing, though. One of my cousins in on his second marriage; this one, to an Thai woman, has lasted a good 10 years. The first one, to a black woman, lasted only months, and he was single for a long time afterwards, but dated quite a bit. He eventually decided that (American) black women had characteristics he did not care for and ruled them all out, as a category, as potential mates. He went through a long period in which he dated only Hispanic women (in the US) and, while overseas, Thai, Japanese, and Chinese women. > [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Shit, I would love to meet a white chick who refuses to date white guys. It would be fun to ride her unicorn around the apartment too. I do not understand the unicorn remark. Can you expand? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/19 "2010-08-20T17:03:36Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > My mom is Cuban and she refused to date any Latinos or Spaniards of any stripe because she finds them misogynistic. I’ve heard similar statements from women of several different ethnicities. My cousin is Mexican and said she didn’t want to marry a Mexican guy because they tend to be overly macho. (Her dad’s misogynistic behavior toward her mom has been the cause of a lot of eye-rolling in our family.) She ended up marrying an English guy. And my best friend for years and years is Chinese-American and said the same thing about Chinese guys on numerous occasions. I think she was even down on dating fellow Chinese-Americans because a lot of them still grew up in a community with strict gender roles that she wasn’t interested in following. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/20 "2010-08-20T17:18:12Z")
I’d be totally fine with it. In the past few nights I met a couple of Asian-Americans. If either said they didn’t date Asian guys I’d be fine with that. If they said they didn’t date white guys, that might be a dealbreaker. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881.md?page=2)