# Would you date someone who refused to date persons of his/her own race/ethnicity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 20, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881 "2010-08-20T15:47:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/21 "2010-08-20T17:22:55Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’d be totally fine with it. In the past few nights I met a couple of Asian-Americans. If either said they didn’t date Asian guys I’d be fine with that. If they said they didn’t date white guys, that might be a dealbreaker. Are you a white guy? Because, if you are, I can’t imagine how it WOULDN’T be a deal-breaker. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/22 "2010-08-20T17:26:13Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Are you a white guy? Because, if you are, I can’t imagine how it WOULDN’T be a deal-breaker? Only on the Swedish/Scot/German/English side of my family. But I have a really nice tan! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/23 "2010-08-20T17:27:20Z")
I would just laugh at it and continue on with the relationship. It wouldn’t matter to me. At all. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/24 "2010-08-20T17:32:10Z")
I’d be uncomfortable at the least. I can totally see a woman being wary about dating men from cultures that are notoriously oppressive to women. But if someone --a guy even, since I’m straight–is just saying they will not consider an entire race for dating, and their own race at that…well, I would not be happy at all and would be doing some serious thinking about what his character is and if I want to date someone like that. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/25 "2010-08-20T17:32:41Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > My mom is Cuban and she refused to date any Latinos or Spaniards of any stripe because she finds them misogynistic. > > I’ve heard similar statements from women of several different ethnicities. My cousin is Mexican and said she didn’t want to marry a Mexican guy because they tend to be overly macho. (Her dad’s misogynistic behavior toward her mom has been the cause of a lot of eye-rolling in our family.) She ended up marrying an English guy. And my best friend for years and years is Chinese-American and said the same thing about Chinese guys on numerous occasions. I think she was even down on dating fellow Chinese-Americans because a lot of them still grew up in a community with strict gender roles that she wasn’t interested in following. I’ve heard this sort of thing a lot too. My friend who is Korean says she hated Korean men so much that she married a white soldier she couldn’t even speak with to get the hell out of Korea (they are still together and happy 20 years and 3 kids later). In her words, ‘Korean guys treat women like shit’. But having active predjudice against a group isn’t the only reason. My friend who is black only dates white guys because she says she has zero physical attraction to black guys, and that’s it. She doesn’t ‘refuse’ to date them, but it’s never happened and she can’t imagine it. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/26 "2010-08-20T17:40:38Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > > > Shit, I would love to meet a white chick who refuses to date white guys. It would be fun to ride her unicorn around the apartment too. > > I do not understand the unicorn remark. Can you expand? Well once the initial novelty wears off, I would imagine it would still be useful for ferrying groceries from the car and using its horn to open beer bottles. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/27 "2010-08-20T17:43:54Z")
I guess all of those “I wouldn’t care ! I would shrug it off !” answers would drastically change if the hypothetical datee was of the same race, and refused to date persons of another. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/28 "2010-08-20T17:47:56Z")
If I’m dating a woman I find attractive and she’s into me as well, what’s not to like? Attraction is a funny thing. Certain traits may “do it” for a person while others may not, and that includes ethnicity. It isn’t something a person can control or even explain. “Categorically refusing” to date somebody with or without any particular trait just means that’s not what you’re attracted to right now, and I see nothing wrong with it. Having said that, I learned when I was single to never say never. You never know when someone will turn your head in a surprising way. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/29 "2010-08-20T17:50:57Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > I guess all of those “I wouldn’t care ! I would shrug it off !” answers would drastically change if the hypothetical datee was of the same race, and refused to date persons of another. It wouldn’t change my mind. I think that’s mostly because a former girlfriend explained to me why she wouldn’t date other races and ethnicities. It’s because in the past she has dated black men, Hispanic men, Asian men, and was once married to a Czech man. It’s not that she was racist (furthest thing from it), but she really couldn’t connect to someone from a different culture. She found that things never quite clicked. I can totally understand that. ---
**Author:** ![sachertorte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sachertorte/32/3727_2.png) [@sachertorte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sachertorte)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/30 "2010-08-20T17:54:15Z")
Heck. _I_ don’t date guys my own race. Sure would be hypocritical of me to have a problem with the guy I’m dating for doing the same. ---
**Author:** ![nolonger\_lurking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/41988e/32.png) [@nolonger\_lurking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nolonger_lurking)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/31 "2010-08-20T18:07:06Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > I guess all of those “I wouldn’t care ! I would shrug it off !” answers would drastically change if the hypothetical datee was of the same race, and refused to date persons of another. I think there is a major difference between the two views. I am not nearly as worried about someone who won’t date one race. Maybe they had done so several times before and been burned badly. Perhaps a large group of that particular race made their life hell in school. Maybe they’ve just never been attracted to a person of that race and are stating a prediction (although phrased as a rule) rather than a rule. It’s possible that someone could have so many bad experiences as to write off all other races, but it seems much less likely. I guess the difference is that I see refusing to date your own race as decision more likely to be based on real knowledge of likely cultural incompatibility, somewhat more likely to be based on simple lack of attraction, and less likely to be based on a dehumanizing or “other”-ing of whole groups of people. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/32 "2010-08-20T18:14:22Z")
I’d be taken aback, but wouldn’t necessarily dump the person. I’d certainly want to hear why and try to understand it. Doesn’t mean I might not ultimately think the person is crazy, but I’d hear her out. If the answer was just that she wasn’t attracted to guys of her own race…well…I guess you can’t necessarily help that, but it seems kind of sad. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/33 "2010-08-20T18:17:00Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > I guess all of those “I wouldn’t care ! I would shrug it off !” answers would drastically change if the hypothetical datee was of the same race, and refused to date persons of another. If a white woman told me that she wouldn’t date blacks, Hispanics, Asians, whatever, it wouldn’t change my response. Yes, I’d still date her. I mean, I’m only one step away from that, I suppose. I greatly prefer dating white women to women of other races. I have dated nonwhites and I’ll continue to do so but that preference is still there. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/34 "2010-08-20T18:21:00Z")
In casting about for reasons why someone might refuse, the only thing I can find that would even make it remotely justifiable is if he were a carrier of some genetic disease that only tends to crop up on specific populations and he doesn’t think he should be asking people for their test results before getting to know them. But… yeah. Even as a hypothetical, that leaves much to be desired. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/35 "2010-08-20T18:24:59Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > In casting about for reasons why someone might refuse, the only thing I can find that would even make it remotely justifiable is if he were a carrier of some genetic disease that only tends to crop up on specific populations and he doesn’t think he should be asking people for their test results before getting to know them. Sickle-cell or Tay-Sachs, say? You know, I hadn’t thought of that. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/36 "2010-08-20T18:29:10Z")
I think I’d want to know why and to what degree it’s a dealbreaker for that person. I, for example, have a _preference_ for Latinos, but I will date anyone from any ethnicity/race/creed/color. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/37 "2010-08-20T18:30:38Z")
Yeah, I thought of it because I remember a matchmaking service amongst Orthodox Jews where they did screening for Tay-Sachs before making a match. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/38 "2010-08-20T18:36:04Z")
There’s a difference between having a pattern of interracial relationships, and having a policy of it. A pattern can arise for all sorts of reasons: Most black people around here, for instance, date whites, just because there are so few black folks around here. And even in a diverse community, there’s still plenty of room for coincidence. A person categorically refusing to date a particular race, though, regardless of whether it’s the person’s own race or a different one, would at the least need a whole lot of explaining. Now, I _can_ understand categorically refusing to date people from particular cultures or subcultures, or preferring a particular culture or subculture. That, I have no problem with. But culture isn’t synonymous with race, and it’s sloppy to think so. E.g., I would prefer to date a nerd, and blacks tend to be underrepresented in nerd subculture, so because of that, it’s less likely that I would end up in a relationship with a black woman. But if I did meet a black female nerd, her race wouldn’t be relevant to me. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/39 "2010-08-20T18:36:32Z")
I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about what she meant. Sometimes people say things like that but actually just mean it hasn’t happened yet, or something. I’d have to explore the issue a little. Or, what **Chronos** said directly above. (Not necessarily the nerd part, but all the rest.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Universe_Lashes_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881/40 "2010-08-20T18:50:38Z")
I used to have sort of thing with a Mexican girl who was almost exclusively into white guys. I think she had dated some Mexican guys in the past, but said she knew she would end up with a white guy. Big deal. It’s what she likes. I don’t have any strong preferences like that, but I’ve found that white American girls are generally the most boring girls to date. I still likes 'em anyway, but if I were to rank ethnic groups, they would be closer to the bottom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-date-someone-who-refused-to-date-persons-of-his-her-own-race-ethnicity/550881.md?page=3)