# Would you dump your SO if he/she became a quadriplegic? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 12, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369 "2008-02-12T23:38:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea666f/32.png) [@Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_and_a_Half_Inches_of_Fun)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/1 "2008-02-12T23:38:19Z")
I know I sure would. I do not how long I would stick things out, but probably not very long. Things might be different if I was married. I would probably try to stick it out for a while, but I doubt I would be able to make it and would ask for a divorce. I am not proud of this, but I just really doubt I could stay with a quadriplegic. Maybe this makes me a bad person. I also would not expect anyone to stay with me if I became a quadriplegic. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/2 "2008-02-12T23:44:42Z")
There are a lot of ‘ifs’ to this question. I’m not married, but assuming I was, I’d stay with the person if 1)the marriage was good before the quadriplegia, 2)he hired caregivers and I didn’t have to do his care, especially the poop thing (you have to stick your finger up there and move it up and down, ew!) and 3)I was absolutely convinced that he would stay with _me_ if the positions were reversed. If I was not married and only dating or engaged to him, I probably wouldn’t stay with him. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/3 "2008-02-12T23:45:34Z")
No. When we got married, I said “for better or worse”… that certainly would be worse! But still, nope I’d stick around. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/4 "2008-02-12T23:48:46Z")
If we could afford medical care staying together, then yes. I’ve got one friend for whom this wasn’t a hypothetical, and they divorced so that he could get some benefits that, married, they literally made something like $10 too much to qualify for. If we were on our own financially and medically? I’d kill him, at his request. We’ve talked this over, and he’d do the same for me. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/5 "2008-02-12T23:49:54Z")
Hell no, after reading **Alice’s** post!!! No, honestly, I have no idea. I’d say probably yes. Hijack: **Alice** , we’re coming to town again, keep eyes open for a thread with dates. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/6 "2008-02-12T23:53:24Z")
I would, no question. He stayed with me when I was a misery-laden, despondent lunatic so I really don’t know why I wouldn’t return the unconditional care he’s shown me. I’ve always sort of thought that was the point of love. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/7 "2008-02-13T00:00:46Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] I would, no question. He stayed with me when I was a misery-laden, despondent lunatic so I really don’t know why I wouldn’t return the unconditional care he’s shown me. I’ve always sort of thought that was the point of love. [/QUOTE] 😕 You _would_ dump your spouse? Or that’s a typo. I’d totally stay with my SO. IT would be kind of costly to get the eqiupment so she could still come on bike ours with me, but if [Rick Hoyt](http://www.nationwidespeakers.com/speaker/930/rick-hoyt/father-and-son-triathletes) can manage with his son, then I’m still taking my gal mountain climbing. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/8 "2008-02-13T00:02:08Z")
No. Would not dump. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/9 "2008-02-13T00:02:45Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] Hell no, after reading **Alice’s** post!!! No, honestly, I have no idea. I’d say probably yes. Hijack: **Alice** , we’re coming to town again, keep eyes open for a thread with dates. [/QUOTE] Yes, I’ll be looking for it, and looking forward to it. Just to clarify, the reason I’d need those qualifications if I stayed with someone I was married to, and wouldn’t stay with someone I was not married to, is my children. I’m raising three kids here, and working full-time, and I just couldn’t see adding so much to my already-stressed situation. There’s only so much one person can do, and I just don’t think I could stress myself that much more. I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family, and caring for a quad would make that impossible. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea666f/32.png) [@Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_and_a_Half_Inches_of_Fun)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/10 "2008-02-13T00:06:23Z")
For those that would stay, what would you do for sex if there SO could no longer engage is this activity? Would you use prostitutes, have affairs, or just remain abstinent? ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/11 "2008-02-13T00:07:03Z")
**Would you dump your SO if she became a quadriplegic?** Only if I thought she was doing it out of spite. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/12 "2008-02-13T00:07:23Z")
[QUOTE=Astroboy14] No. When we got married, I said “for better or worse”… that certainly would be worse! But still, nope I’d stick around. [/QUOTE] What Astroboy said. Of course, I don’t have a SO at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/13 "2008-02-13T00:09:38Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] 😕 You _would_ dump your spouse? Or that’s a typo. [/QUOTE] Definitely a typo, sorry :smack: . I would never dump my spouse, the point I was trying to make is that he’s shown me incredibly loyalty and I would show him the return. **2.5’'** , we know from experience that sex isn’t everything. If we couldn’t have sex I’d give him plenty of head massages and masturbate furiously on my own time. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/14 "2008-02-13T00:10:48Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] For those that would stay, what would you do for sex if there SO could no longer engage is this activity? Would you use prostitutes, have affairs, or just remain abstinent? [/QUOTE] I would stay, he deserves no less. I would probably have affairs, but with his blessing. (I’m 99% certain he would give it) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/15 "2008-02-13T00:24:44Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] For those that would stay, what would you do for sex if there SO could no longer engage is this activity? Would you use prostitutes, have affairs, or just remain abstinent? [/QUOTE] Same thing I do now (for as long as he decided to live) - stock up on AAA batteries and have sex with other people when I feel like it with my husband’s knowledge and consent. I’d also try to find other, creative ways to give him pleasure - maybe not genital, but my scalp massage is not to be taken lightly. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/16 "2008-02-13T00:34:08Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] I would stay, he deserves no less. I would probably have affairs, but with his blessing. (I’m 99% certain he would give it) [/QUOTE] And as the movie _Murderball_ pointed out, becoming quadriplegic does not necessarily mean total paralysis or sexual disfunction. There are also a lot of resources available that address the issue of sex that are made available to newly paralysed people (tons of videos and books). Basically, where there is a will, there’s a way, and I’m sure we could come up with creative alternatives for the standard fare. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/17 "2008-02-13T00:48:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Would you dump your SO if he/she became a quadriplegic? No, I would not. ---
**Author:** ![Tenebras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@Tenebras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenebras)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/18 "2008-02-13T00:48:43Z")
It depends, really. Would they get a monkey? Having a pet monkey would be cool. Also, quadriplegics are kind of like Romero zombies, they don’t move very fast in those wheelchairs, but they also don’t get tired. You could try to run away but eventually they would catch up to you and you’d have to fight their monkey. Final answer: if they get a monkey, I’d stay with them. No monkey, I’ll take my chances and run. I’m not afraid of no mouth stick. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/19 "2008-02-13T00:53:53Z")
[QUOTE=Tenebras] It depends, really. Would they get a monkey? Having a pet monkey would be cool. Also, quadriplegics are kind of like Romero zombies, they don’t move very fast in those wheelchairs, but they also don’t get tired. You could try to run away but eventually they would catch up to you and you’d have to fight their monkey. Final answer: if they get a monkey, I’d stay with them. No monkey, I’ll take my chances and run. I’m not afraid of no mouth stick. [/QUOTE] This is some funny stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369/20 "2008-02-13T00:56:40Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] For those that would stay, what would you do for sex if there SO could no longer engage is this activity? [/quote] Vibrators. Dildos. My hand. Although, due to a quirk of spinal and reflex wiring a quad is more likely to be able to sustain an erection than a paraplegic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-dump-your-so-if-he-she-became-a-quadriplegic/437369.md?page=2)