# Would you eat a chocolate Jesus? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802 "2003-04-24T06:11:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/81 "2003-06-18T19:15:46Z")
I’m allergic to chocolate. Does that mean I can’t partake? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![moejuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/82 "2003-06-18T19:18:12Z")
I’ve never seen so many corny posts, so I thought I would add my own. I can see the musical now “Jesus Christ, Chocolate Bar”/ ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/83 "2003-06-18T20:27:26Z")
> [@](#): > > What Would Jesus Do for a chocolate-caramel-ass-boil-bar? > [@](#): > > “You got Jesus in my peanut butter!” > > “You got peanut butter on my Jesus!” > [@](#): > > “There’s no wrong way, to eat a Jesus.” > [@](#): > > Gimme a break, gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that JE-SUS HEAD! The first two had me desperately trying not to make any noise, the second had me snorting and the last one was actually so funny I was in pain … I have _got_ to stop reading this stuff during work!!! ---
**Author:** ![Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lathe_of_Heaven)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/84 "2003-06-18T22:16:23Z")
I’m coo-coo for Cocoa Christ! ---
**Author:** ![Barnabas\_Truman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@Barnabas\_Truman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barnabas_Truman)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/85 "2003-06-18T23:23:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > **Would you eat a _crucified_ chocolate Jesus though?** With gooey caramel stigmata! It’s sacrelicious! -=-Barnabas ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/86 "2003-06-18T23:45:18Z")
No. I don’t like chocolate. If I **did** like chocolate, I can’t think of a scriptural reason against eating it. I just hope I’m not in trouble with Him for laughing at these jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/87 "2003-06-19T00:35:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Padmaraga \* > \*\*No. I don’t like chocolate. > > If I **did** like chocolate, I can’t think of a scriptural reason against eating it. > > I just hope I’m not in trouble with Him for laughing at these jokes. \*\* You don’t like chocolate ?!?!?!? Now _that’s_ sacrilegious!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![karomon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@karomon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/karomon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/88 "2003-06-19T03:28:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Would you eat a chocolate Jesus? I guess [Madonna](http://www.nerve.com/Dispatches/voicebox/religion/images/Madonna.asp) would ---
**Author:** ![flairgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7c8e57/32.png) [@flairgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flairgun)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/89 "2003-06-19T11:31:16Z")
_With Apologies to Depeche Mode…_ Your own choco-late Jesus Someone to feed your hunger pangs Someone who cares Your own chocolate Jesus Someone to snack on Someone who’s there Feeling hungry And you’re all alone Flesh and bone without any toblerone Lift up the jesus bar I’ll make you a believer Take a second bite Put me to the test crumbs on your chest You need to digest I will deliver You know I’m low cal? Reach out and bite me Reach out and bite me Your own choc-olate Jesus… Feeling hungry And you’re all alone Flesh and bone without any toblerone Lift up the jesus bar I’ll make you a believer I will deliver You know I’m low cal? Reach out and bite me Your own choco-late Jesus… Reach out and bite me _Am I going to hell yet?_ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/90 "2003-06-19T12:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by moejuck \* > \*\*I’ve never seen so many corny posts, so I thought I would add my own. > > I can see the musical now “Jesus Christ, Chocolate Bar”/ \*\* Jesus Christ, chocolate bar, do you know just how good you are? Jesus Christ, chocolate bar, do you know just how sacrireligious you are? Great. Now I’ll have that in my head all day. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/91 "2003-06-19T12:37:20Z")
So that’s what they mean by “Jesus is in all of us.” If you melt him down and dip strawberries in him, is it sacreligious? ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/92 "2003-06-19T19:38:01Z")
> [@](#): > > from _vanilla_ > I once ate a chocolate penis, head first, of course, jsut like with the easter bunnie ones. Was it… er… “cut” or “uncut”? ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/93 "2003-06-19T23:17:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Padmaraga \* > > I just hope I’m not in trouble with Him for laughing at these jokes. \*\* If God has a sense of humor - and I hope She does - I think we’re off the hook. And if not, we’ll have lots of company! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/94 "2003-06-20T02:31:25Z")
Chocolate Jesus? Sure, I’d eat it. I’d avoid the chocolate turds though, that being the only shape I wouldn’t eat. Just because of that possibility… ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/95 "2003-06-20T04:40:00Z")
Would it be inappropriate to mention that I’ve seen Virgin Mary Vibrators and Baby Jesus Butt Plugs? ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/96 "2003-06-20T05:14:22Z")
For all of those poor souls out there, that for whatever reason could not take it upon themselves to eat a chocoloate Jesus, I will make the ultimate sacrafice! Yes, tho I be an unworthy pagan, I will consume your chocolate Jesus for you, taking upon myself whatever sins there maybe for such heinious actions. So, should you ever find yourself facing such a dire fate, feel free to mail the offending chocolate to me (postage paid and in a refridgerated container). I know, I know, this is a terrible burden I take upon myself, but it is the least I can do for my brethren. ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/97 "2003-06-20T06:16:32Z")
Can I be the voice of dissent? I’d be uncomfortable. Why, I can’t put my finger on it. I’d gladly pass it along to any of you, and I wouldn’t care less if you ate it or not. I just wouldn’t want to myself. Maybe I’m just not that crazy about chocolate. … oh, the sacrilege! ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/98 "2003-06-20T06:20:57Z")
So let’s _really_ put you chocoholics on this thread to the test. Would you eat a chocolate image of: Jeffrey Dahmer? Your mother? And here’s the real deal-breaker: A nude, chocolate _Harvey Keitel._ ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/99 "2003-06-20T07:03:57Z")
Dark chocolate Jesus complete with nuts please. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802/100 "2003-06-20T10:44:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \* > \*\*And here’s the real deal-breaker: > A nude, chocolate _Harvey Keitel._ \*\* Only if it was _The Piano_ Chocolate Harvey Keitel. _Bad Lieutenant_ chocolate Harvey Keitel might look ok, but you don’t want to know what it’s filled with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-eat-a-chocolate-jesus/170802.md?page=6)