# Would you forgive someone who lied to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 23, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916 "2011-11-23T21:10:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/1 "2011-11-23T21:10:20Z")
About who they were? Do you think people like that deserve a second chance? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/2 "2011-11-23T21:16:50Z")
Could you be more specific? Did they tell you they were Ernest Hemingway, or the Queen of Roumania? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/3 "2011-11-23T21:29:10Z")
Yes, if she was very, very, very sexy. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/4 "2011-11-23T21:32:37Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Could you be more specific? Did they tell you they were Ernest Hemingway, or the Queen of Roumania? Let’s say you met them online on a dating site and they’re telling you one thing, but then you find them on other sites saying something else. For example on POF , he said his age was 25 and he’s a doctor and on [match.com](http://match.com) he says he’s 22 and a plumber? Would you give this person a chance, though they were every attractive? ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/5 "2011-11-23T21:36:33Z")
Why would I? They are clearly pursuing their own agenda that doesn’t correspond with mine. If they are lying about something as fundamental as who they are, there’s nothing but trouble to be had from them. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/6 "2011-11-23T21:37:00Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > Let’s say you met them online on a dating site and they’re telling you one thing, but then you find them on other sites saying something else. For example on POF , he said his age was 25 and he’s a doctor and on [match.com](http://match.com) he says he’s 22 and a plumber? Would you give this person a chance, though they were every attractive? No. Why on earth would you? Unless he has a really good excuse, like he is conducting a sociological study on dating sites…but if he is conning people and lying to them even so, then no. If that person lied to ME personally for their personal gain, absolutely not, no way. No matter how hot he is. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/7 "2011-11-23T22:09:08Z")
The situation you described still remains a little unclear. What would forgiving them entail? You continue to chat online? Or you fly over to Paris to meet them in person? I think in some situations people definitely deserve another chance. People are dishonest for all kinds of reasons. I usually think that if someone felt there was such need to be dishonest about something, then they deserve some sympathy. Maybe they’re really insecure about something, maybe it’s just private, who knows? If the lie didn’t do any significant damage, why would you get too worked up about it? I’ve had friends lie before, and more than anything else it just made me wonder _why._ Of course, you don’t forget, and in future you take things that person says with a grain of salt. But to me lying in itself isn’t unforgivable. ---
**Author:** ![Al\_Bundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@Al\_Bundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al_Bundy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/8 "2011-11-23T22:26:31Z")
My parents taught me long ago that a liar is a thief. That has always proved to be true. If the person is going to be close to me, those things matter. If the person is in the workplace or some group, maybe I can work around this flaw now that I know their character. I do that all the time such as when people are habitually late. I bank on their lateness. I have one friend that is a pathological liar. I have learned to tell when he is lying and never put 100% faith in what he says anyway. There’s enough positive gain from the relationship to warrant this work-around. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/9 "2011-11-23T22:40:26Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > Let’s say you met them online on a dating site and they’re telling you one thing, but then you find them on other sites saying something else. For example on POF , he said his age was 25 and he’s a doctor and on [match.com](http://match.com) he says he’s 22 and a plumber? Would you give this person a chance, though they were every attractive? LOL. And with that, I am convinced this cannot be serious. Sure, pallie, give him a try. Most things can be forgiven if the offender is good looking enough. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/10 "2011-11-23T23:27:05Z")
How good looking someone is would have zero impact on how ready I was to forgive them for lying to me. To answer the question, if someone lied to me about something as basic as who they were, I’d write them off as soon as I learned the truth. Other lies, I’d have to take on a case-by-case basis, taking into account motivation and so on. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/11 "2011-11-23T23:53:00Z")
Keep in mind this is the same OP as in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631994). ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/12 "2011-11-24T00:22:28Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > he said his age was 25 and he’s a doctor and on [match.com](http://match.com) he says he’s 22 and a plumber? Run–run like the wind! ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/13 "2011-11-24T01:09:22Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Run–run like the wind! Yeah, into his arms! Don’t you know how much doctors and plumbers make? This guy is a gold mine! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/14 "2011-11-24T01:12:27Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Could you be more specific? Did they tell you they were Ernest Hemingway, or the Queen of Roumania? I told you, what I said was NOT “I am Ernest Hemingway.” What I said was “I am _earnest about Hemingway_.” I never said “I am the Queen of Romania.” What I said was, “I have _Cordwainer-mania_.” I’m just nuts for the stories of Cordwainer Smith. Back To The OP It depends on the situation and the lie. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/15 "2011-11-24T01:12:34Z")
That’s an intriguing question and I have what I consider to be an interesting and reasoned response. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Keep in mind this is the same OP as in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631994). Oh, that’s a whole different kettle of fish. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Dorabella](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@Dorabella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorabella)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/16 "2011-11-24T01:38:19Z")
How do you know he is good looking anyway? The photo is probably a fake as well. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/17 "2011-11-24T02:09:45Z")
> [@Dorabella](#): > > How do you know he is good looking anyway? The photo is probably a fake as well. True,that’s what I suspect too but since I am no longer on that site I will never find out =\ ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/18 "2011-11-24T02:11:20Z")
I just wanted to know if I was being to harsh by no forgiving him because he lied/deceived me. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/19 "2011-11-24T02:35:04Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > I just wanted to know if I was being to harsh by no forgiving him because he lied/deceived me. Details! We need details. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916/20 "2011-11-24T02:44:03Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > Let’s say you met them online on a dating site and they’re telling you one thing, but then you find them on other sites saying something else. For example on POF , he said his age was 25 and he’s a doctor and on [match.com](http://match.com) he says he’s 22 and a plumber? Would you give this person a chance, though they were every attractive? Red flag, red flag, red flag, dealbreaker. I’d break off all contact with this person. He’s a proven liar, and to expect him to tell the truth in the future is extremely naive. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-forgive-someone-who-lied-to-you/603916.md?page=2)