# Would you have sex with a person in an open marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 26, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294 "2014-05-26T17:02:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/41 "2014-05-27T03:13:09Z")
I wouldn’t feel the draw to be a part of other people’s Rolf-like phase. And with all those rules? Pu-lease. If I’m gonna fuck somebody else’s husband I’d want it on the sly. That’s what makes it hot. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/42 "2014-05-27T04:35:32Z")
I would not call them freaks (a word that used to mean something positive to some of us), but I think it sad that I would hold their marriage in higher regard than do they. p.s. - “Sean” is male; “Shawn” is female (generally, generally). “Pat”, “Kim”. and “Billie” work. I know a guy who got (first marriage) primarily to acquire “Trading Material”. Then came home to an empty house. Seems she had a different idea of what “marriage” meant. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/43 "2014-05-27T05:31:32Z")
Do I get some kind of card that gets stamped or punched each time? No, too many rules. Also, everyone knows blowjobs don’t count. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/44 "2014-05-27T05:39:32Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Ummm, so you could taste it? > > a: "hey, someone just gave me a $4000 dollar bottle of wine. Want a glass? > b: “naw. what’s the point?” If it was the only $4000 bottle of wine I ever could taste, but I could only have up to four sips. No, I wouldn’t even bother. If I liked it, I couldn’t have more. If I didn’t like it, what would be the point? _It’s a metaphor._ ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/45 "2014-05-27T05:43:51Z")
> [@Student\_Driver](#): > > And, incidentally, nearly every Sean I’ve ever known personally has been female. Especially common among my students. The guys I’ve known have mostly been “Shawns.” > [@usedtobe](#): > > p.s. - “Sean” is male; “Shawn” is female (generally, generally). “Pat”, “Kim”. and “Billie” work. Yeah, you two have fun. FTR: I make note of these things, and whatever spelling is 99.xxxxx% male. The only bias/stereotype I have is that the “Shaun” spelling seems to be more British. Admittedly, the only examples I have now are Shaun Ryder and Shaun of the Dead. I think Americans are more attuned to being more “authentically” Irish than the British. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Batman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@The\_Batman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Batman)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/46 "2014-05-27T05:46:30Z")
Which one of your moronic options means “Yes”? Put me down for that. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/47 "2014-05-27T06:31:49Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > It is a little screwy that the other partner is coming to offer the proposal. Why did you make that part of the hypothetical, Skald? I can’t answer for Skald - but it seems to me it’s one way to avoid the “Seans lying” response / reaction ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/48 "2014-05-27T06:38:50Z")
And to add to the female / male debate… I’ve only ever known male Seans / Shawns… I’ve always considered Shawn the American version of Sean. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/49 "2014-05-27T08:08:54Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > And to add to the female / male debate… > > I’ve only ever known male Seans / Shawns… Same here. This thread is actually the first I heard of Sean/Shawn being a unisex name (somehow, I’d never heard of Sean Young.) I’ve met Shawna/Shaunas, but no female Sean/Shawn/Shauns. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/50 "2014-05-27T08:46:35Z")
Before meeting my partner, I’m sure I had sex with people in every conceivable situation. If it’s only casual sex, the other person’s connections are his own business. But of course if we’re getting serious, some serious discussions are called for. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/51 "2014-05-27T08:52:59Z")
I voted “I don’t have sex with freaks” even though that isn’t quite my issue, just the particular _kind_ of freak. Basically, I’m into relationships, not just knocking boots - I don’t have an issue with those who are, but I _like_ “sleeping over” almost as much as “sleeping with”. Just not my thing to have a zipless-fuck-buddy. If it was more like the poly relationships I personally know of (i.e. long-term relationships, not just a four-fuck-fest) hypothetically-single-me might be more interested, but would likely still pass, as fundamentally, I just don’t like sharing affections. Immature, I know. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/52 "2014-05-27T11:40:56Z")
I voted “I must regretfully decline.” This is for when I was single. I was looking for a serious, monogamous relationship - if it didn’t work out, oh well, but at least there was the option - and sex with a person in an open relationship doesn’t have that option. No judgment on them at all (I’ve been in an open relationship before myself), just what they were offering wasn’t what I was looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/53 "2014-05-27T12:15:04Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Since the 80s, at least. I’ve known both male and female Seans, Shawns, and Shauns. To me it’s the archetypical unisex name. To me Sean (and variants) is 99% male but I recognize the fact it could possibly be female. I voted for #1. And the chocolate mousse. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/54 "2014-05-27T12:33:55Z")
And Sean is 99% a male name, in any spelling. The 1% for most of us is a certain former movie star. Stick to names that are actually spelt the same for both genders, like Sam 😃 ---
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/55 "2014-05-27T17:05:10Z")
Academic for me, since I’m married and it’s not an open relationship, but the question said to assume I am single and available and attracted: I answered the “I’d have to think about it first,” because I think it’d depend a lot on the particulars of the couple and how I view them and their relationship. But as a general, philosophical thing? Yeah, sure. Why not? Life’s short, and if she’s happy and he’s happy and I’m happy, I don’t see the downside. > [@](#): > > Frankly I think most (not all) open relationships are dysfunctional and will blow up sooner or later because the people involved are fooling themselves, but I know there could be more exceptions that I realize, and if so, that’s great for those people and it’s none of my business. But I don’t want to get involved. I think the mindset that someone who wants something you don’t personally want is fooling themselves is a pretty narrow one. I have known three married couples in open relationships; one is now divorced and the other two are still married and happy with their arrangement. Not a perfect success rate, granted, but no worse really than the success rate of the exclusive marriages I’ve seen. Though I’m not in (and don’t want to be in) a non-exclusive marriage, I’ve never viewed sexual fidelity as the most important or indispensible element of marriage from my perspective, so I can understand how others who feel even less concern about it manage perfectly functional open relationships. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/56 "2014-05-27T17:53:39Z")
I’d vote no. I only date other poly people / people in open relationships, — so far from being “freaky”, that part is both normal and required as far as I’m concerned— but these folks have way too many rules that are way too oriented towards “your connection with Sean will be kept casual, it will bloody well NOT be permitted to become as important as the primary connection”. I don’t care for that primary / secondary division in poly relationships. As far as I’m concerned that’s “poly light” and in this case it’s so rigid with special rules that I’d feel like I was getting involved with mono people who are just sort of playing at poly. Do not want. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/57 "2014-05-27T18:03:35Z")
Of course. Just a typical Friday in my world. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/58 "2014-05-27T21:42:52Z")
“I must regretfully decline this chance to make the two-backed beast.” Primarily because my marriage is one that has been sexually monogamous and romantically exclusive so far, and while we’ve openly discussed the possibility of changing that, I wouldn’t want the first time to be with someone who brought so many…rules…to the table. So it isn’t about you, Sean, it’s about me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/59 "2014-05-27T23:57:47Z")
Nope. Not my style. Knowing that a man cheats on his wife, even with her permission, makes him instantly less attractive to me. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294/60 "2014-05-28T01:02:03Z")
> [@jayrey](#): > > Nope. Not my style. Knowing that a man cheats on his wife, even with her permission, makes him instantly less attractive to me. How is that cheating? It may not fit your ethics but it is not cheating by any non-arbitrary defintion. You may feel its immoral but there is no dishonesty. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-sex-with-a-person-in-an-open-marriage/689294.md?page=4)