# Would you have spoken to the young girl? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 16, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620 "2009-08-16T13:15:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/1 "2009-08-16T13:15:01Z")
Friday afternoon I was sitting on a bench at a bus stop waiting with several other people for a bus when I noticed that the 12 or 13 year old girl sitting on the bench next to me was intently reading **A Tree Grows In Brooklyn** , a book I read almost 60 years ago. I was surprised to see her reading it and I wanted to ask her if it had been assigned in school, if she was reading it on her own, and what she thought of it, did she identify at all with the young girl in the story. But of course I didn’t ask her any of these questions. I was afraid to do so. In today’s overly-suspicious society (at least in the U.S), I risked rejection at best and cries of attempted molestation at worst. So what I want to know is, In this kind of situation, would you have spoken to her? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/2 "2009-08-16T13:34:29Z")
Sure, had it been a different book, but then I’m female and not that much older than her. I assume you were looking for answers from men, though you don’t state as much. I can’t imagine anyone would have batted an eye, girl included, if you’d simply said, ‘That is a wonderful book. I read it 60 years ago and it remains a favorite’ or something similar. Perhaps she would have opened up about the book, perhaps she would have been annoyed at being interrupted and gone back to reading. Unless you were planning to lead up to a request for a date or stare down her top while pretending to read over her shoulder, I feel your perception of others’ paranoia is, itself, a tad paranoid. Seeing someone read a book I adore is one of the only instances where I find myself willfully talking to stranger (the other being, of course, their possession of an adorable dog). ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/3 "2009-08-16T13:47:44Z")
I would have (had it been the right book). 25, male. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/4 "2009-08-16T13:55:28Z")
I probably wouldn’t have, just because it irks me when someone interrupts me when I’m trying to read. It wouldn’t have had anything to do with the fact that she’s a 12 year old girl. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/5 "2009-08-16T14:48:48Z")
No, for the love of god. Even if it’s in public, someone sitting reading a book is in no way an invitation to conversation. Nothing to do with age or gender or anything, but just the fact that she was reading. Also people who start conversations with complete strangers (thus opening themselves up, accurately or not, to the Creepy Stranger vibe) in situations like waiting for or on the bus, where you are captive and cannot politely get the hell away deserve to be punched. Doubly so for those who try to converse with someone who is reading/doing a crossword/listening to music/etc. If I wanted to talk to strangers I’d go hang out in a crowded coffee shop or something, not take the bus to do my grocery shopping. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/6 "2009-08-16T14:57:10Z")
> [@Ronald\_C.Semone](#): > > I was surprised to see her reading it and I wanted to ask her if it had been assigned in school, if she was reading it on her own, and what she thought of it, did she identify at all with the young girl in the story. Thinking back to when I was a 12 y/o girl, if you had asked those questions, I would have responded. What would have gotten you one of these :mad: is what I got quite a lot from adults (I was **always** reading): Twist neck at an angle to read title. “‘A…Tree…Grows…In…Brooklyn…’…Is it good?..What’s it about?..Do you like it?..Why are you reading instead of running around playing?..” If you really want to discuss the book, that should be okay. You’re familiar with it and have substantive questions; you’re not just talking to hear your own voice. But that loud slow recitation of the title followed by “ **Is it good?** ” (No, it sucks balls; that’s why I’m reading it) is, IMO, the height of boorishness. And if they didn’t know what to say, what the eff was I supposed to say. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/7 "2009-08-16T15:22:51Z")
I might venture a, ‘Good book, I read that when I was younger,’ and see what sort of reaction I got. Not everyone enjoys talking to strangers, and reading a book is often a way of blocking other people from talking to you. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/8 "2009-08-16T15:53:31Z")
I might have opened the ball, but only at a moment when she was not actively reading. Once someone’s nose is deeply in a book, the best thing to do is to leave it there. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/9 "2009-08-16T20:10:30Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > No, for the love of god. Even if it’s in public, someone sitting reading a book is in no way an invitation to conversation. Nothing to do with age or gender or anything, but just the fact that she was reading. > > Also people who start conversations with complete strangers (thus opening themselves up, accurately or not, to the Creepy Stranger vibe) in situations like waiting for or on the bus, where you are captive and cannot politely get the hell away deserve to be punched. Doubly so for those who try to converse with someone who is reading/doing a crossword/listening to music/etc. If I wanted to talk to strangers I’d go hang out in a crowded coffee shop or something, not take the bus to do my grocery shopping. [george costanza]“We’re living in a society!!”[/george costanza] Jus’ say’n. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sonnenstrahl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Sonnenstrahl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonnenstrahl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/10 "2009-08-16T20:15:48Z")
I’m older than the girl so clearly I’m not afraid of pedophiles and such, but I remember a few months ago having a very pleasant discussion with an older man about the _Number 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency_ books, when I was reading one at the bus stop. He just asked me if I liked it, and we chatted a bit about them. I’m really not an extrovert that likes small talk wherever I go, but I feel a bond with fellow readers, and my society, at least, is so cold and impersonal that I do value those small interactions with other people. Kind of tangential, but I once sat beside a woman on the subway, and she was reading Joy in the Morning. I had wanted to read another Betty Smith novel, and wondered if it was worth reading. I nearly asked her about it, but this was Toronto and no one talks to anyone, ever, on the subway. Turns out she was reading the P. G. Wodehouse novel, anyway. 🙂 (Which I would also have been interested in, but not really in need of a book review.) ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/11 "2009-08-16T20:37:50Z")
I would have, but I’m a woman. Stupid people suspect men. I’m also a librarian, so there’s that. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/12 "2009-08-16T20:55:17Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > No, for the love of god. Even if it’s in public, someone sitting reading a book is in no way an invitation to conversation. Nothing to do with age or gender or anything, but just the fact that she was reading. > > Also people who start conversations with complete strangers (thus opening themselves up, accurately or not, to the Creepy Stranger vibe) in situations like waiting for or on the bus, where you are captive and cannot politely get the hell away deserve to be punched. Doubly so for those who try to converse with someone who is reading/doing a crossword/listening to music/etc. If I wanted to talk to strangers I’d go hang out in a crowded coffee shop or something, not take the bus to do my grocery shopping. Seconded. Oh, so very seconded. My choice of reading material is not an invitation to have a conversation with me. I am _reading_. I have rage in my heart for people who get my attention while I’m engrossed in some book, only to say, “So, whatcha readin’? What’s it about? Any good?” I’m not [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com). This happens on airplanes all the time and I wish people would stop doing it. Nothing to do with molestation, btw. If, for example, she’d been wearing a T-shirt with a logo for a band you really liked or something, I’d see no problem with mentioning it to her. “Hey, love that band” or whatever. Just don’t bug people when they’re reading. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/13 "2009-08-16T21:21:29Z")
> [@](#): > > I probably wouldn’t have, just because it irks me when someone interrupts me when I’m trying to read. It wouldn’t have had anything to do with the fact that she’s a 12 year old girl. That’s about what I was thinking, too. If she was clearly at a stopping point, I might strike up a conversation, but not while she’s in the middle of a chapter. Well, also assuming that the book didn’t have particularly adult themes, too (I don’t know if that’s the case for _A Tree Grows in Brooklyn_). I can think of a number of Heinlein books, for instance, which it would be creepy for an adult male to discuss with a teenage girl. ---
**Author:** ![imfloating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bc79bd/32.png) [@imfloating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imfloating)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/14 "2009-08-17T02:18:46Z")
Isn’t it sad that we live in a time where you can’t even approach or attempt to converse with another human being without worrying about the repercussions. No. I wouldn’t have spoken to her for just that reason even though I wanted to ask her about the book. Society, as we know it, pretty much sucks. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/15 "2009-08-17T04:40:39Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I’m also a librarian, so there’s that. Sorry you couldn’t get a husband! Just joking. I couldn’t help it. The librarian thing is just too good for me to let go of. It’s so…rich! Oh, I’m sorry, there was an OP here, wasn’t there? Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/16 "2009-08-17T04:51:52Z")
To add to the chorus, I’d never strike up a conversation with someone reading a book; I too hate to be interrupted while reading. And in this climate of paranoia about men I wouldn’t talk to a kid anyway, being male. I avoid even looking at kids much less talking to them. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/17 "2009-08-17T05:06:19Z")
I wouldn’t want to look like some weirdo but I might have if it was a book I had read and enjoyed. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/18 "2009-08-17T10:33:16Z")
I’d talk to her (39 yr old male). Depending on _how_ engrossed she was in the book, of course - _merely_ reading is not enough to fend me off, I’m afraid, you have to look shut off. I’d wait to catch her eye, first, though, not just start talking to her, so she’d have to not be wholly caught up in the book. The fact that she was a 12 yr old girl doesn’t signify anything to me. I don’t worry about being mistaken for Chester the Molester, I have teenaged girl friends as well as 50 yr old ones. Being in the SCA is great for that equalising effect, and being married, with a little girl, is great for making me feel less under scrutiny for my every interaction with women or girls. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/19 "2009-08-17T13:29:52Z")
I was once innocently reading a Junie B. book while sitting on a public bench in front of a restaurant. (I snuck off from work for a smoke and I liked to go to this spot for my smoke break.) Just as I got seriously into reading, a group of maybe 4-5 people walked up and stood around the bench right next to me and proceeded to start singing. Evidently, they were practicing their upcoming choral recital/concert/whatever. Or they decided to preach to me by singing and that was supposed to enlighten me so much, I’d put down Junie B. and demand to be saved immediately. (It was around the holidays and the song was religious/Christian in nature.) Anyway, despite the fact that I’d gotten there first and I had just as much right to read on my bench in peace and quiet as they had to practice singing right next to a reading person, I decided that the parking lot wasn’t really big enough for both of us. So I got up to walk to my car and just go back to work. I was pretty grrr-filled. I took two steps and the lead singer said, “We’re sorry! Were we too loud? We didn’t mean to offend you!” I thought, maybe you should have thought to ask that _before_ you started singing. I said, “No, it was the subject matter that was offensive. It’s okay. I’ll find another place to read.” And I stalked off to my car, leaving the choir all open-mouthed in amazement. How could anyone _possibly_ find our lovely Jesus song offensive? Oh, so in response to the OP, yeah I might speak, but probably not. Maybe if I was on a plane and had read the book, I might ask a quick question or two to see if the person is open to a conversation, but I would rely on body language to tell me that. Smoking on a bench with my body language all crossed and closed? Leave me the f alone, please. If the girl in question barely looked up at you, or didn’t at all, then no. ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620/20 "2009-08-17T13:32:36Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I’d talk to her (39 yr old male). Depending on _how_ engrossed she was in the book, of course - _merely_ reading is not enough to fend me off, I’m afraid, you have to look shut off. I’d wait to catch her eye, first, though, not just start talking to her, so she’d have to not be wholly caught up in the book. > > The fact that she was a 12 yr old girl doesn’t signify anything to me. I don’t worry about being mistaken for Chester the Molester, I have teenaged girl friends as well as 50 yr old ones. Being in the SCA is great for that equalising effect, and being married, with a little girl, is great for making me feel less under scrutiny for my every interaction with women or girls. SCA? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-have-spoken-to-the-young-girl/506620.md?page=2)