# Would You Let Your Teenager Go To A Hotel With Their Partner Overnight? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449 "2016-08-30T00:36:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/1 "2016-08-30T00:36:55Z")
My friend’s stepson, B, is 17, turning 18 in December. He lives at home and just started his senior year in high school. His girlfriend, M, is over 18 by I don’t know how much, lives at home, and just started junior college. B and M went on a weekend visit together to a nearby city; as in, they got a hotel room and stayed two nights. The two of them. I was shocked (for reasons I’ll get into in a moment), but B told me his mom got assurances from M that she was on The Pill, his dad reminded him about proper use of condoms (to his extreme embarrassment, of course), and off they went. I’m shocked not because I care (I’d have done the same thing B’s parents did), but I thought that, by and large, most parents of teens weren’t so forward-thinking on the matter, even in these relatively progressive times. Back in the 80’s, my parents begrudgingly admitted to themselves that I was having sex, but forbade me from doing it in their house. Getting a hotel room would have been out of the question. So what are your thoughts, parents of teens (or if you just want to play along hypothetically)? Would you have let yours literally “get a room” and spend the night at a hotel? Or are you valiantly trying to maintain your children’s virtues at all costs? Or somewhere in the middle? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/2 "2016-08-30T02:15:20Z")
We are all dying slowly of cancer, heart failure or blood vessel blockage. We might even die sooner from some accident we can never forsee. And we are all living on a tiny habitat in the cold universe which is unprotected from annihilation. Let them fuck. (with a condom). ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/3 "2016-08-30T02:42:27Z")
No, I’d make them fuck in the car like they normally do. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/4 "2016-08-30T03:01:47Z")
I don’t think that’s unusual at all. I think your being shocked is rather unusual, actually. Many kids are starting college at age 17. I think once a kid is old enough to drive (~16), there’s little reason and little point in trying to enforce any kind of moral restrictions. For a kid who has just turned 16, maybe it’s a judgement call for the parents, but I wouldn’t think it was that unusual if they allowed it. For a kid who is almost 18, dating his 18-year-old girlfriend? They can do whatever they want. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/5 "2016-08-30T03:30:07Z")
No, I wouldn’t. Not as long as he’s still in high school. Once college starts, and he effectively lives elsewhere, then he can do what he wants. One of the weird things about this board is its odd permissiveness over teenage sex. Sure, it happens, but you don’t encourage it, or it’ll happen more. Most of the problems with them having sex with older people are still there–the wild hormones that lead to bad decisions with long term consequences. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/6 "2016-08-30T04:35:42Z")
There has to be a line somewhere that delves into the absurd. Case in point; I clean for a lady who is approaching her seventies, so her children are all grown (think late thirties / early forties) and have already given her grandchildren. However, since a set of them are divorced, when they visit, they all must stay in separate rooms. Like people of that age with kids in tow are just chomping at the bit to shag like bunnies, in twin beds, whenever they visit the 'rents for a 4th of July party. It boggles. So, following that and understanding we have basically adults here, I can get that they’d be more concerned with safety than prevention. It’s not like anyone that age _needs_ a special excuse (like being out of town) to find ways of bumping uglies. It’s like a weird form of denial when one can’t see that, so good on mom and dad for being realistic. On the other hand, I think throwing up as many roadblocks as necessary to minors rutting around for fun and profit is just prudent. Who wants to raise a 15 year old’s baby? Or be host to a revolving door of junior’s conquests? Yes, there’s a line, but a couple of months shy of eighteen ain’t it. In my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/7 "2016-08-30T04:41:40Z")
Uh, yeah, what magical thing do you think is going to happen between now and December that all the sudden makes the kid a well reasoned adult? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/8 "2016-08-30T13:47:31Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Most of the problems with them having sex with older people are still there–the wild hormones that lead to bad decisions with long term consequences. The entire point of accepting that it’s going to happen whatever you do is to ensure there’s some open dialogue about avoiding the consequences of pregnancy and STDs. Of course kids will make stupid decisions. They will make stupid decisions even if you “Don’t encourage them.” Kids have to be allowed to make some stupid decisions because that’s how you learn they’re stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/9 "2016-08-30T13:55:02Z")
I’ve been completely open with my kids and sure - I wouldn’t pay for the hotel room, but if she did - not a problem. I’ve accepted its going to happen, talked to my kids about it, made arrangements for it… As a result I have an asexual almost seventeen year old and an eighteen year old who thinks “girls are too much work.” Yes, I’ve made it easy for my kids to have sex and neither one is interested. I suspect that forbidden is more fun. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/10 "2016-08-30T14:13:19Z")
Maybe. I think it’s just that kids will get into it when they do. My parents were pretty open and permissive but I didn’t have sex until university; I just didn’t have the self confidence. Your job as a parent is not to shield your kids forever. It’s to teach your kids how to use a shield. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/11 "2016-08-30T14:17:47Z")
Eh, I’m not a fan. I don’t know how apt I would be to TOTALLY FORBID IT!! because I know that would make the situation worse in the long run, however I’m not a fan of teenage sex and would prefer that be a thing for college. If my kids want to pork as teenagers then I’m not going to stop them. However, I would not like to actively contribute to it. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/12 "2016-08-30T14:25:13Z")
I get the “they’re going to do it anyway” notes and the desire to be the cool parent, but honestly I think it’s just bad form for a parent to be cooperating with getting teenagers a hotel room to have sex in. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/13 "2016-08-30T14:33:13Z")
Despite the complete, utter failure of “Abstinence only”, I still see people trying to impose it with the usual hand-wringing doomsaying. It doesn’t work. We _know_ it doesn’t work. Education is much more effective. So, good for B’s mom; she seems like she’s figured out how not to get a grandkid while her kid is still a teen. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/14 "2016-08-30T14:38:47Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I get the “they’re going to do it anyway” notes and the desire to be the cool parent, but honestly I think it’s just bad form for a parent to be cooperating with getting teenagers a hotel room to have sex in. They don’t need anyone’s cooperation to do squat though. The girl can get the room on her own, and in three moths, the boy could too. It seems ridiculous anyone seems to think they have any say in this except for the couple involved. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/15 "2016-08-30T14:47:51Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > They don’t need anyone’s cooperation to do squat though. The girl can get the room on her own, and in three moths, the boy could too. > > It seems ridiculous anyone seems to think they have any say in this except for the couple involved. The majority of decent hotels have a minimum age 21-25 policy for registration. Younger than that is normally going to require parents or older adults guaranteeing the room. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/16 "2016-08-30T14:49:30Z")
I think it’s ok and they seem prepared. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/17 "2016-08-30T15:09:09Z")
I’d check the laws in your jurisdiction first. But otherwise, unless there are extenuating circumstances about the kid, I’d have no problem with it. If they want to have sex, they’re going to have sex whether you let them spend the night together or not. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/18 "2016-08-30T16:49:17Z")
Funny, this discussion reminded me of some articles by Amy Schalet about the differences between the US and the Netherlands with regard to teenage sex. I’m just linking to a newspaper article about it: [Teen pregnancy low in 'sleepover' country of the Netherlands - Washington Times](http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/nov/20/teen-pregnancy-low-in-sleepover-country-of-the-net/) Interesting as the US seems to be doing fairly badly in teenage pregnancy, teenage std and general “sexual health” stats. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/19 "2016-08-30T16:49:51Z")
Can a teenage child that lives at home have a _ **partner** _? That’s the only thing about the OP that I’m confused about. I guess sexual partner, would fit, but generally when I hear the term partner, I think about two people living together in a sexual relationship, either married or in a monogamous long term relationship. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2016, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449/20 "2016-08-30T16:56:28Z")
to late to edit, but a more detailed article [Opinion | Teenage Sex: The Sleepover Question - The New York Times](http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/24/opinion/sunday/24schalet.html?_r=0) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-let-your-teenager-go-to-a-hotel-with-their-partner-overnight/764449.md?page=2)