# "Would you like separate checks?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 2, 2018, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680 "2018-04-02T23:53:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2018, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/1 "2018-04-02T23:53:43Z")
My wife and I are an interracial couple in our 40s. I don’t think we’re a particularly unusual sight, particularly in major cities like the one we live in. We eat out fairly regularly, and 99% of the time, we’re just brought a check at the end of the meal. Recently, we’ve been on a road trip (Virginia, the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida). Almost every time we’ve eaten out, we’ve been asked if we’d like separate checks. I’m used to getting this question occasionally during a business lunch, but it’s a real rarity when dining with my wife. I don’t think we’re normally overly affectionate at a restaurant, though we do occasionally hold hands across the table. I guess it’s possible we do that, and servers pick up on it, when we’re near home, but haven’t while we’re on the road? Seems unlikely to me, but I’m open to potential explanations. I’m wondering about the experiences of other folks here. Are you usually asked about a separate check when you dine out with your significant other? And in case there’s a regional element I’m not thinking of, please mention what part of the country/world you’re inhabiting. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2018, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/2 "2018-04-02T23:58:29Z")
I don’t have a significant other, but I would say the table usually only gets asked about separate checks when it’s a larger group and we seem like friends/co-workers and not family. It would seem odd for a couple to be asked about it. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/3 "2018-04-03T00:13:29Z")
No, I don’t remember if we ever have been asked that when it’s just the two of us. We’re in the Seattle area with a year in Georgia in the middle and also not interracial, if that is a factor. I don’t remember it happening when my previous SO was a different race, but that was long enough ago my memory might just be garbage. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/4 "2018-04-03T00:14:27Z")
I’ve lived in California my entire life and I can’t recall every being asked ahead of time if our party wanted separate checks, whether there were just two of us or twelve of us. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/5 "2018-04-03T00:17:36Z")
I’m always asked about separate checks but I’m rarely with a guy, usually with another woman or two, or someone who is clearly the mom of the kid we’re with. You two must be too business-like. Turn up the heat! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/6 "2018-04-03T00:22:54Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > **You two must be too business-like.** Turn up the heat! 😉 (bolding mine) You’ve met us. It will come as no surprise to you that no one in the history of ever has described us that way. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/7 "2018-04-03T00:22:58Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’m always asked about separate checks but I’m rarely with a guy, usually with another woman or two, or someone who is clearly the mom of the kid we’re with. > > You two must be too business-like. Turn up the heat! 😉 It’s funny. I’ve shaved my head a few times throughout this relationship and regularly am mistaken for male when I do it, especially from the back, and even then we didn’t get asked about separate checks. I got used to servers dropping off the check and walking away with a “have a nice day, gentlemen!”. I’m really not sure whether to bet on the racial combination or unintentional body language being the more likely culprit for the OP. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/8 "2018-04-03T00:28:08Z")
> [@Not\_a\_Platypus](#): > > It’s funny. I’ve shaved my head a few times throughout this relationship and regularly am mistaken for male when I do it, especially from the back, and even then we didn’t get asked about separate checks. I got used to servers dropping off the check and walking away with a “have a nice day, gentlemen!”. I’m really not sure whether to bet on the racial combination or unintentional body language being the more likely culprit for the OP. I think I would describe us as generally fairly touchy-feely, though it’s possible we haven’t been lately. More groping called for! ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/9 "2018-04-03T00:29:20Z")
> [@wonky](#): > > More groping called for! I assume you mean \*above \*the table, for a change? ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/10 "2018-04-03T00:34:37Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I don’t have a significant other, but I would say the table usually only gets asked about separate checks when it’s a larger group and we seem like friends/co-workers and not family. It would seem odd for a couple to be asked about it. I’m in Alabama and always get asked about separate checks. OTOH, it’s pretty obvious we’re a group going out for lunch during lunch hours when we do a work-team-lunch, and other than that I go out with my sister (who is obviously my sister - we’re twins). ---
**Author:** ![FinsToTheLeft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finstotheleft/32/2930_2.png) [@FinsToTheLeft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinsToTheLeft)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/11 "2018-04-03T00:38:50Z")
My wife and I seem to go through waves of it. We’re both white, Jewish, and in our forties, holding hands on the table with our wedding rings on. I guess they are not sure if we’re married to each other 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/12 "2018-04-03T00:49:12Z")
My husband and I are inter-racial. We’ve lived in CA, OR, and Missouri. We never get asked this, and we are rarely demonstrative. Truthfully, if it were racial, I would have expected it to turn up in Missouri. Maybe it’s where you’re stopping to eat? You mentioned you were on a road trip. Perhaps the places you are stopping are used to tourists and just always ask whether or not to split the check? ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/13 "2018-04-03T01:29:15Z")
I have noticed that when I eat out with friends in Northeast (which is where I live) I am never asked if I want separate checks but when it is in the Midwest (which I visit somewhat often) I am always asked. I think it’s a regional thing. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/14 "2018-04-03T01:51:59Z")
Are you staying hotels with lots of business travelers? My spouse and I never get asked if we want separate checks. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/15 "2018-04-03T02:11:43Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I’m wondering about the experiences of other folks here. Are you usually asked about a separate check when you dine out with your significant other? And in case there’s a regional element I’m not thinking of, please mention what part of the country/world you’re inhabiting. Alas, my significant other is no longer around, but while he was still alive we got the “one or separate checks?” where we weren’t regulars quite a bit of the time. Two (mostly) white people, locations from Wisconsin in the north/west to New Hampshire in the East to Tennessee in the south. I think in some cases servers are just being careful not to make assumptions. Maybe some are assuming you’re not a couple but I’m not sure that’s the major thing going on. ETA: Now that I think about it, he was disabled so that might have factored into our experiences, because a surprising number of people assume disabled people aren’t married even when they are. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/16 "2018-04-03T02:15:49Z")
I’ve certainly never heard of this as a passive/aggressive bigotry expression mode. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/17 "2018-04-03T02:49:32Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > (bolding mine) > > You’ve met us. It will come as no surprise to you that no one in the history of ever has described us that way. Ever. I dunno you weren’t sucking face when we met so…? I met you before \*\*wonky \*\*got all her fancy degrees. Maybe you act like her secretary now? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/18 "2018-04-03T02:53:12Z")
Maybe you were at a place where staff forgetting separate checks has been an issue, and they’ve been told to ask every time. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/19 "2018-04-03T08:00:42Z")
Pro-tip for aspiring waitresses: let your customer ask you to split the check. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680/20 "2018-04-03T11:51:02Z")
My first reaction was that the waitperson(s) may have indeed assumed that the two of you were having a business lunch or dinner. Then it occurred to me that this thought is based on the fact that my business partner and I are almost always asked if we want separate checks when meeting together for a meal. Happened just last Friday. So, should I be offended because the staff who wait on us can’t picture my partner and me as a couple? A puzzlement. I’d just file any such incidents in the circular bin and go on to more important things. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-separate-checks/811680.md?page=2)