# Would you like some . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441 "2000-04-25T19:42:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![H8\_2\_W8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c77e96/32.png) [@H8\_2\_W8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H8_2_W8)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/1 "2000-04-25T19:42:00Z")
cheese with that whine? Currently my right inner ear hurts, I have a toothache, sore lower back and I sprained my ankle on Easter Sunday. Does anyone have any painful chronic conditions that will make me appreciate my generally good health and stop my complaining? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/2 "2000-04-25T19:51:00Z")
I have no arms or legs. I post to this message board by slamming my forehead down onto a specially designed keyboard again and again, then painstakingly moving the mouse with my tongue to get the cursor to the letters I don’t want, and then hitting the “delete” key with the tip of my nose. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/3 "2000-04-25T20:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Ukulele Ike: > \*\*I have no arms or legs. > > I post to this message board by slamming my forehead down onto a specially designed keyboard again and again, then painstakingly moving the mouse with my tongue to get the cursor to the letters I don’t want, and then hitting the “delete” key with the tip of my nose.\*\* Ike if your not doing anything next Sat. we could use you as a bag for third base for my son’s peewee league baseball practice. ## The dogs chewed ours up. You can keep your tongue to yourself however 🙂 Thanks. One of the few to be personally welcomed to this board by Ed Zotti. Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/4 "2000-04-25T20:05:00Z")
What do we call Ukulele Ike when he goes swimming? “Bob!” ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/5 "2000-04-25T20:05:00Z")
Oh and btw H8, my head hurts, my butt itches and my feet don’t match. * * * One of the few to be personally welcomed to this board by Ed Zotti. Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/6 "2000-04-25T20:07:00Z")
What do you call Ike when you hang him up on the wall? Art! * * * Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good dipped in chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![sorrel554](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@sorrel554](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sorrel554)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/7 "2000-04-25T20:13:00Z")
Now, Ike, you should be thankful for what you have. **Myron van Horowitzski** is naught but a brain in a jar. * * * Those who do not learn from history are condemned to fail the class. --A **WallyM7** creation ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/8 "2000-04-25T20:15:00Z")
My nose runs and my feet smell. . . . Omigod, I’m built upside-down!! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/9 "2000-04-25T20:23:00Z")
What do you call Uke when he’s in a hole? **Phil!** Uke, you don’t have arms or legs? Hah! You oughtta try typin’ with this damnable prehensile tail I’ve got. Sometimes the sonofabitch even falls off like a lizard’s. Then I gotta pick it up in my mouth and slap it on the keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/10 "2000-04-25T20:25:00Z")
**Ukulele Ike** wrote: > [@](#): > > I post to this message board by slamming my forehead down onto a specially designed keyboard again and again, then painstakingly moving the mouse with my tongue to get the cursor to the letters I don’t want, and then hitting the “delete” key with the tip of my nose. Then **D Marie** wrote: > [@](#): > > Now, Ike, you should be thankful for what you have. Myron van Horowitzski is naught but a brain in a jar. You’re both bastards. My complaint is my sides now hurt from laughing so hard and trying to keep it in from my co-workers. You crack me up. 😃 Esprix * * * Evidently, I rock. [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/11 "2000-04-25T20:53:00Z")
Ike in a pile of leaves-Russel Ike on a porch-Matt ok I’ll quit now. * * * Life Before Death. Why wait? ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/12 "2000-04-25T22:51:00Z")
Not to ignore you, Ike, dear, but I will attempt to answer H8\_2\_W8’s question. Let’s see, I just got home from getting stitches pulled from having a tooth cut out (broke, exposed root) last week, and then he cleaned my teeth. I am in the process of getting a new van, and had to tear up my house looking for my insurance card, which I just discovered was missing. My osteo arthritis is really acting up (yes, I _know_ I’m too young to have this), especially in my right hip and left shoulder. I haven’t slept the entire night through since my hubby left in Jan. My back is giving me fits right now, I got stupid and tried to sweep and vacuum all of my floors in one day, and my back doesn’t like that. My feet are bothering me from all of the walking I did this weekend, and I’m still not completely healed up from my foot surgery last Nov. Does that help you?? 😉 * * * You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming. Og Mandino That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.\ ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/13 "2000-04-25T23:57:00Z")
How about this? My lungs collapse on a regular basis – chronic low-level pneumothorax. When I get the chest pain, I have to stop what I’m doing. It usually goes away after a few minutes as the “bleb” – the hole causing the collapse – seals itself, and my lung reinflates. Every so often, though, this doesn’t happen, and I have to go to the hospital. If it doesn’t reinflate by itself, it’s into surgery for me. Several years ago, I had a run of bad luck on the left lung. I had a chest tube put in. Sez the doc, this works 90% of the time. It didn’t; I had a re-collapse within four months. Then I had a horrible procedure I won’t describe, other than to say (1) it effectively grouts the outside of your lung and the inside of your chest cavity so they can heal back together, and (2) it’s so painful they give you a memory suppressant so you don’t go insane. Sez the doc, for the 10% who fail the first one, this works 75% of the time. Me? No. Back to surgery. This time, they remove the part of the lung that has the chronic holes, and staple me back together. And I have a 50-50 chance of going through all of this on the right side. Plus, my brother, two years younger, has an extremely rare hormonal problem that destroys his kidneys. He’s received one kidney transplant already, and according to the literature, if everything goes as well as it can possibly go, he’ll still be dead in ten years. Enjoy your toothache. * * * **Movie Geek Central** – Reviews, news, analysis, and more! [http://moviegeek.homestead.com](http://moviegeek.homestead.com) ---
**Author:** ![H8\_2\_W8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c77e96/32.png) [@H8\_2\_W8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H8_2_W8)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/14 "2000-04-26T13:30:00Z")
Cervaise - I hope your surgeries are successful and your health improves. To the others, thanks for the laughs. I’ve already stopped complaining about my ankel, except at home when my wife wanted to know when I was going to mow the grass. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/15 "2000-04-26T19:07:00Z")
What do you call Ike with a stick up his ass? Pop! ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/16 "2000-04-26T19:18:00Z")
Jesus, you make just _one_ misguided post around this joint, and ya pay and pay and pay… * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/17 "2000-04-26T19:21:00Z")
Satan? (I’m going to go to hell for this. I know I am.) > [@](#): > > Originally posted by Drain Bead: > \*\*What do you call Ike with a stick up his ass? > > \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2000, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/18 "2000-04-27T06:46:00Z")
I stubbed my toe this morning, and it’s gone into long-term pain: not intense, but makes walking uncomfortable. It’s swelled up, too. * * * Sing glogalimp, sing glugalump, From deep inside the Wuggly Ump. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2000, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/19 "2000-04-27T15:51:00Z")
Owwwww…my cerebellum hurts… * * * Your brain-in-a-jar, Myron Imbibo, ergo sum. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2000, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-like-some/16441/20 "2000-04-27T16:07:00Z")
## wooooohooo am I lucky. Nope, no health complaints at all. \*\* _Sigh_. So many men, so few who can afford me \*\* _Original by Wally_ _I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it._ Homepage: [www.superlativeandsassy.com](http://www.superlativeandsassy.com) Occupation: Temptress Location: Ultra, California Interests: surpluses, excesses, abundances, extras, lagniappes _profile by UncleBeer_