# Would you literally kiss my ass for $1,000 in cash (or the equivlent in pounds)? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 24, 2008, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978 "2008-09-24T13:54:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/61 "2008-09-24T21:13:05Z")
\ _“It’s just a ham hock, it’s just a ham hock, it’s just a ham hock”_ \ Pay up, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/62 "2008-09-24T21:22:08Z")
Would you derive any sort of sexual pleasure from being kissed on the ass cheek for five seconds? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/63 "2008-09-24T21:24:24Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > I’m sure you could do something else for the remaining $200… The obligatory reach-around. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/64 "2008-09-24T21:29:40Z")
Between this, and the “NSFW” thread, I really think we should include gender in our user profiles. It would make things a lot clearer. All these people who are saying yes, are they men or women? I’m a guy and I don’t think I would do that. Maybe for $10,000. For women, I don’t think you’d have to pay somebody. You’d just have to ask, or we would ask you: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEmoylxzvhw](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEmoylxzvhw) ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/65 "2008-09-24T21:40:07Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Would you derive any sort of sexual pleasure from being kissed on the ass cheek for five seconds? Wouldn’t YOU like to know. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/66 "2008-09-24T21:52:08Z")
**Idle Thoughts** , I’ve been feeling kind of down today(long story). I read your OP, and the replies, and now my sides ache from laughing. Thanks, I needed that. Oh, I would most definitely do it, since you stipulated privacy and a clean buttock. ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/67 "2008-09-24T22:30:27Z")
You betcha! (Girl here.) No STDs, right? :eek: It’s freshly washed, so it can’t be that different from any other skin. And it’s not like I’d ever have to look you in the eye. I could wear a wig and sunglasses to hide my shame. And there’s Listerine. When I was a kid, I probably accidentally ate something far more disgusting than a few ass cheek germs. How much’ll you give me for a good hard smack and a wink? $50? There’s a potential business opportunity for an enterprising woman here… I just _know,_ though…somewhere, there’s a fetish site dedicated to things like this. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/68 "2008-09-24T22:37:19Z")
> [@beanpod](#): > > When I was a kid, I probably accidentally ate something far more disgusting than a few ass cheek germs. Accidentally? What kind of germophobic kid were you? I don’t know any kids that haven’t eaten mud pies, at least one bite worth. On purpose! ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/69 "2008-09-24T22:40:17Z")
Oh, I was thinking more like bugs flying into my mouth on a bike, that kinda thing. If I ever deliberately ate dirt, I don’t remember it, thank goodness. I did used to build “houses” for worms, though, and I don’t remember caring all that much about washing my hands afterwards… ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/70 "2008-09-24T22:47:43Z")
If we’re talking about a clean cheek, it’s no big deal. It’s more or less the same as kissing the skin on your arm etc. $1000 is a princely sum for 5 seconds of work…I calculate it to be $720,000/hr. Where do I sign up? I’ve often wondered about phrases like “Kiss my ass!” If an attractive woman said that to me, I’d gladly comply. Drop trou, babe! ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/71 "2008-09-24T22:51:27Z")
I love the Google ads for this thread. “Dangerous Kissing Techniques” and “Kissing 101 - How To Kiss A Man”. Let’s see… Squeaky clean, non-hairy cheek. Total privacy. No one else will ever be told. $1000. Unless you’re going to be a ass (no pun intended) and hold it over my head every time I see you, I don’t see any downside. Unless you deliberately fart in my face, then I’d forgo the money and punch you in the nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/72 "2008-09-24T23:02:33Z")
> [@beanpod](#): > > You betcha! (Girl here.) No STDs, right? :eek: There’s no way you’ll contract an STD by kissing someone’s buttock. Not unless they’ve got an open wound there. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/73 "2008-09-24T23:08:52Z")
Here’s a related question - how much concern do people have about the idea of providing mouth-to-mouth breathing? Not for money, or just as part of life support. I don’t have a problem with it, but I also recognize it as being far riskier than kissing someone’s butt cheek would be. Even with a so-called mouth barrier in place. ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/74 "2008-09-24T23:25:15Z")
As long as the only rasberries blown would be by me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/75 "2008-09-24T23:31:51Z")
Sure, I’m a slut. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/76 "2008-09-24T23:32:39Z")
Oh, sure. I’ve kissed my boyfriend’s ass before - I was sitting down, he was walking past, we were naked, and it was right there at mouth level, so why not? Now, considering that you and I lack an intimate relationship (for the time being) I would not kiss your ass for nothing. If you actually made this proposition in real life, I would attempt to bargain for a higher price than your initial offer, regardless of what you offered. So if you offered $1,000, I’d ask for $1,250. But if you offered $100 and wouldn’t budge, I’d still do it. I wouldn’t do it for less than $100. Then I’d go home and call all my friends and say, “You won’t BELIEVE what just happened!” ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/77 "2008-09-24T23:52:29Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] There’s no way you’ll contract an STD by kissing someone’s buttock. Not unless they’ve got an open wound there. [/QUOTE] Yes, yes. I was just joking around. Thought the smiley made it clear. Sorry. :smack: God help someone who manages to get herpes sores or something like it on their buttocks. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/78 "2008-09-25T00:05:17Z")
> [@riker1384](#): > > Between this, and the “NSFW” thread, I really think we should include gender in our user profiles. It would make things a lot clearer. All these people who are saying yes, are they men or women? I’m a guy and I don’t think I would do that. Maybe for $10,000. Many of the people who cheerfully agreed to do it for prices ranging from zero to $1000 are male. And AFAIK, heterosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/79 "2008-09-25T03:40:48Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > Miller, will you pretty please kiss my ass, with a cherry on top? I’d be most obliged. Don’t do it **Miller**! Don’t do it! ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978/80 "2008-09-25T04:38:23Z")
So you’re a guy… No. Sorry, not for a grand. I couldn’t do it. But, if you were female, I’d do it for free. Between the cheeks. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-literally-kiss-my-ass-for-1-000-in-cash-or-the-equivlent-in-pounds/464978.md?page=5)