# Would You Marry Someone without First Having Sex with Them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 12, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352 "2003-06-12T15:49:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/1 "2003-06-12T15:49:54Z")
I guess this “Q” is pretty self explanatory. Are you one who needs to “test drive”? Or are you willing to take that giant leap of faith? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/2 "2003-06-12T15:51:52Z")
I did. I dated my husband and was engaged for a year before marrying him or having sex with him. We’re still happily married 8 1/2 years later. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/3 "2003-06-12T15:52:44Z")
No f\_cking way. ---
**Author:** ![Seldon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seldon)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/4 "2003-06-12T15:55:40Z")
I think it only works if you are both virgins. If either of you have had sex, or more specifically, you’ve had any sort of bad sex, you’d want to test drive, IMHO. I was pregnant at my wedding, so yeah, I took the test drive, and took it home with me. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/5 "2003-06-12T15:56:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*No f\_cking way. \*\* 😃 😃 😃 Not a chance here. Although that is moot, I was married once, and never would again. If marraige were that important to the SO involved (and I cannot see how it would be if they were with me in the first place - shared values and all) then it would be an insurmountable obstacle. Having said that, I cannot imagine no sex on the first date! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/6 "2003-06-12T15:57:00Z")
Did - almost 20 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Bandanaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@Bandanaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandanaman)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/7 "2003-06-12T15:57:09Z")
I wouldn’t marry someone, period. It has a tendency to f\*ck up relationships. So I guess that’s a “no” ---
**Author:** ![mooka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@mooka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mooka)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/8 "2003-06-12T15:58:28Z")
There is absolutely no way i would. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/9 "2003-06-12T16:00:10Z")
For those of you that did marry with no knowledge of what “it” would be like, what was it like? Were there problems with sexual compatibility? ---
**Author:** ![MikeRochenelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/49beb7/32.png) [@MikeRochenelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeRochenelle)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/10 "2003-06-12T16:01:16Z")
Nope. You might be perfectly compatable socially with someone, and could be great life-long friends, but if the sex is bad, DO NOT go off getting married. You’re just asking for your spouse to cheat. Would you buy a car without taking it for a test-drive? Consider engagement, living together, and all the various things that period involves (yes, including sex) as the test drive. -Ben ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/11 "2003-06-12T16:02:05Z")
no. physical contact is essential to keep the intimacy. So I wouldn’t want to take the chance of that going wrong. Plus, I don’t know if i’d be able to commit to one person for the rest of my life _before_ I have that level of intimacy with that person. ---
**Author:** ![deedeeknowit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@deedeeknowit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deedeeknowit)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/12 "2003-06-12T16:04:10Z")
Entering into any contract, much less one with someone you’ll spend a lifetime with, requires _knowledge_ of the product. Who the hell wants to get into a marriage and learn they aren’t sexually compatible? Not me. Test drive baby. Put that pedal to the medal and go!😛 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/13 "2003-06-12T16:04:31Z")
It was very lovely. I don’t really count the WEDDING NIGHT as ‘awesome sex’ because we were both plumb exhausted…but the honeymoon and such were great. And waiting made the honeymoon and wedding night special, and something to look forward to. We knew ahead of time that our sexual tastes were different, but I was willing to compromise, and we both made the decision to wait together. We also didn’t live together. I planned our wedding while he was four states away. We were separated for seven months before the wedding 😃 ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/14 "2003-06-12T16:04:31Z")
Good question. I have to say that I’m having a hard time picturing myself marrying anyone with whom I haven’t had sex, though. I just don’t think I’d get along with anyone who would be uptight enough to truly “save it for marriage.” Now, I don’t think that anyone should immediately jump into bed with everyone they go out with, but I think that two people can have an exclusive, loving, and monogamous relationship without having a piece of paper from a third party declaring you “allowed” to have intimate contact and/or children. And if she’s “saving herself” on the basis of religion, I can almost guarantee that we would be too incompatible to think about marriage, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/15 "2003-06-12T16:09:22Z")
just for the record, folks who wait aren’t necessarily ‘uptight’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/16 "2003-06-12T16:10:53Z")
No farking way. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/17 "2003-06-12T16:14:59Z")
Jarbaby said, “We knew ahead of time that our sexual tastes were different”. How did you know? Were you sexually active before you met each other? Just wondering. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/18 "2003-06-12T16:19:59Z")
He was a virgin. I wasn’t because I was raped as a teenager. But I’ve always known that I’m into BDSM and kidnap fantasy and such, and he is absolutely NOT into that. We still have a good sex life without it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/19 "2003-06-12T16:29:07Z")
I respect people who think they can handle that, but I sure as hell ain’t in that category. I believe in lasting marriage, and I believe in being with someone with whom I am sexually compatible, and I believe that compatible sex is a part of a healthy and lasting marriage. So to me, those things do not add up without a test drive. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352/20 "2003-06-12T16:33:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*For those of you that did marry with no knowledge of what “it” would be like, what was it like? Were there problems with sexual compatibility? \*\* No problems have surfaced so far. It started out tentative and awkward, and matured as our relationship matured. And it’s just one part of our relationship - it wasn’t the reason we married nor is it the reason we’re together. And if it went away, I can’t see it being a reason to end the relationship. There is more to a relationship and a marriage than sex. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-marry-someone-without-first-having-sex-with-them/181352.md?page=2)