# Would you pursue a relationship if your good/best same sex friend said they're in love with you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2019, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468 "2019-07-22T19:11:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/1 "2019-07-22T19:11:26Z")
I just watched a Korean drama that seemed like the usual high school group of friends (two guys, two girls), and everyone has a crush on someone in the group storyline. But ended with one of the girls (Yujin) was in love with the other girl (Hajin). Okay, not wholly original, but the twist is that the Hajin ends up with her crush Taesuk (in a relationship that she knows was forced) and after she murders Yujin (after she thinks she had sex with Taesuk), she finds out that Yujin was in love with her. The drama ends with Hajin walking off wondering what could have been (at least in my mind). Okay, okay, enough with the fictional drama. Putting aside the necessity of sex, which I personally think isn’t a requirement to have a ‘relationship’, if someone of the same sex professed their love for you, would you pursue a relationship, i.e. openly accept and acknowledge you’re more than just friends? Knowing that someone really loves you has to count for something right? Personally, I’d be flattered and would pursue it if my level of interest was at least an extreme liking of him and he understood that it may or may not develop further. I’ve professed my love to women and we continued as friends for years, but I think it was because they knew I’m not capable of truly being in love with someone. I’ve got an insatiable wandering eye (I’ve commented on other women when I was with my girlfriend and other female friends) and tire of friendships after a few years (I’m not in contact with any of the women I’ve “loved”). ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/2 "2019-07-22T19:17:31Z")
[Moderating] Moving from GQ to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/3 "2019-07-22T19:19:28Z")
No because I am straight. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/4 "2019-07-22T19:47:23Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > No because I am straight. This is my answer and I suspect the same answer as everyone else ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/5 "2019-07-22T19:53:03Z")
Going to have to fight the hypothetical; the sex is too important for me to ignore. I might have the capability of being “more than friends” with women in a mental way, but I require a sexual element in my serious partner and they wouldn’t be able to satisfy. I’m not asexual. So for me the literal line between, “just friends” and “lovers/partners/husband/wife” is the sex/intimacy and not much else. Upside is you’re really not missing out on much if all you get to be is my friend. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/6 "2019-07-22T20:04:40Z")
No because I’m straight. I can see where a gay relationship would have certain advantages, but I have zero attraction to my best friend so it wouldn’t work out. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/7 "2019-07-22T20:06:00Z")
Absolutely not. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/8 "2019-07-22T20:25:21Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > This is my answer and I suspect the same answer as everyone else “Everyone else”? Yes, because I’m gay. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/9 "2019-07-22T20:26:38Z")
I actually was in this very situation. I felt really bad for the guy when I told him that I loved hanging out with him, but that’s as far as it went. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/10 "2019-07-22T20:33:26Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > I actually was in this very situation. I felt really bad for the guy when I told him that I loved hanging out with him, but that’s as far as it went. Are you still friends or at least keep in touch? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/11 "2019-07-22T20:59:39Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > Are you still friends or at least keep in touch? We drifted apart when he found another boyfriend and I moved to LA. But yeah we were still good friends up until he died of diabetes related issues a few years later. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/12 "2019-07-22T21:00:08Z")
Another vote for no because I’m straight. There is zero possibility of me ever being in a real romantic relationship with this guy. And he’s my friend. So why would I want to play with his emotions by pretending it’s a possibility? ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/13 "2019-07-22T21:21:12Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > I actually was in this very situation. I felt really bad for the guy when I told him that I loved hanging out with him, but that’s as far as it went. I’ve had it happen to me 2 1/2 times. The two times were pretty straightforward, a close friend came out to me and expressed her attraction and desire to be more than friends. I let them down easy and I did feel kind of bad for them, mostly because they really made themselves vulnerable by making the move. The “half” time, well, I never really figured out what was up with that. My friend was widowed , she had been married for forever, and she had a boyfriend although the relationship seemed to be most based on convenience. But she kissed me on the mouth once, closed mouth but lingering. I didn’t respond and nothing like that ever happened again. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/14 "2019-07-22T21:38:42Z")
Another no, straight response. But it wouldn’t offend me if someone asked. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/15 "2019-07-22T22:02:37Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Another no, straight response. But it wouldn’t offend me if someone asked. Same. I’m straight but I’ve been hit on/complimented by other guys and I find it flattering. The only problem I’d have is the worry that not reciprocating might ruin the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2019, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/16 "2019-07-22T22:17:30Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > Same. I’m straight but I’ve been hit on/complimented by other guys and I find it flattering. The only problem I’d have is the worry that not reciprocating might ruin the friendship. It’s possible to get this situation without the other person being physically incompatible, of course. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/17 "2019-07-23T00:21:39Z")
No, because I’m straight. > [@panache45](#): > > “Everyone else”? > > Yes, because I’m gay. So in your case, would it not be appropriate to consider what you’d do if the friend who is in love with you was female? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/18 "2019-07-23T00:30:12Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Another vote for no because I’m straight. > > There is zero possibility of me ever being in a real romantic relationship with this guy. And he’s my friend. So why would I want to play with his emotions by pretending it’s a possibility? You could get a lot of free drinks and dinners. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/19 "2019-07-23T00:49:51Z")
A wise man once told me “A blowjob is a blowjob is a blowjob, unless he has a mustache.” I have no urge to be with dudes and the closest we could get to having a relationship is you can blow me when I’m passed out drunk which seems more like something you do to someone you don’t like rather than your best friend. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/20 "2019-07-23T01:07:14Z")
I have zero same-sex attraction, so no. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468.md?page=2)