# Would you pursue a relationship if your good/best same sex friend said they're in love with you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2019, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468 "2019-07-22T19:11:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/21 "2019-07-23T01:10:17Z")
Tried it once back when I was young and experimental. Won’t do that again. Made me appreciate just how hard it has to be for gay people to pretend to be straight. The gender you are attracted to is hard-wired. Some people can swing both ways but I can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/22 "2019-07-23T02:21:39Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Tried it once back when I was young and experimental. Won’t do that again. Made me appreciate just how hard it has to be for gay people to pretend to be straight. The gender you are attracted to is hard-wired. Some people can swing both ways but I can’t. “The College Try” by Garfunkel and Oates [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n39RzgVNP8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n39RzgVNP8) (NSFW) ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/23 "2019-07-23T02:37:00Z")
Nope. I’ve never had romantic feelings for another woman. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/24 "2019-07-23T02:46:23Z")
Put me down for a no. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/25 "2019-07-23T03:08:28Z")
Despite my previous posts concerning that one guy, I am not so arrogant to say I’d always, 100% say no. I’m open to the idea if the absolute right guy came along. Just because I can’t see it happening or even know what “the right guy” even means, it doesn’t mean I can see into the future. Shit changes. People change. I change. But extrapolating from the past, let’s say 99% I’d say no. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/26 "2019-07-23T04:51:00Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > “Everyone else”? > > Yes, because I’m gay. Yeah, seriously folks… while I think it is entirely OK to assert that hetero is the majority, it’s rather ostentatiously pigheaded to go around saying “everyone” is like you. — My own reply: I’m not attracted to the same sex. I don’t currently _have_ a really close relationship with someone of the same sex as friend, companion, etc. But I once did. It was nice, it was special. He did, in fact, want to do sexual things together. We were both young and inexperienced and I wasn’t entirely averse to trying stuff, a lot of which was phrased as “imagine it’s a girl…” because I think neither of us had had that yet. But I didn’t take to it. In all honesty I pretty soon felt like I’d prefer it if we didn’t do that and I could take care of my own nerve endings on my own if I didn’t have a girlfriend. But be that as it may, we _did_ have a relationship. It wasn’t primarily sexual but it wasn’t much reduced in importance because of that or anything. I think “more than friends” applies. The futzing around with sexual stuff kind of broke us up as friends. I wish we hadn’t gone there, not because it was all horrible and disgusting or anything but because it got between us instead of bringing us closer together. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/27 "2019-07-23T05:08:00Z")
No, I’m not into women. And I think it would ruin our friendship, sadly, because I would feel really shitty about it. I’ve had guy friends who were interested in me and I didn’t feel the same way, and it ALWAYS turned out bad. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/28 "2019-07-23T05:26:06Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > “Everyone else”? > > Yes, because I’m gay. But you have a husband!?! ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/29 "2019-07-23T06:00:58Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > So in your case, would it not be appropriate to consider what you’d do if the friend who is in love with you was female? The thread title says “your good/best same sex friend”. If what the OP meant was actually more along the lines of “your good/best friend of a gender you’re not sexually oriented towards”, I think it would make more sense for them to say so explicitly than to expect **panache45** or other gay posters to rewrite the question to make it more inclusive. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/30 "2019-07-23T06:47:18Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > But you have a husband!?! Oh sure, NOW I have a husband. But before… > [@elfkin477](#): > > So in your case, would it not be appropriate to consider what you’d do if the friend who is in love with you was female? It happened many times when I was younger. I have no attraction to females, so at best we remained friends, sometimes very close friends. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/31 "2019-07-23T07:52:27Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The thread title says “your good/best same sex friend”. If what the OP meant was actually more along the lines of “your good/best friend of a gender you’re not sexually oriented towards”, I think it would make more sense for them to say so explicitly than to expect **panache45** or other gay posters to rewrite the question to make it more inclusive. I considered being all inclusive in my thread title, but it didn’t fit the storyline of the drama that got me thinking about the quesiton. Also, there are some details that were clear in my mind/interpretation of the storyline, that I didn’t put in my OP. In a nutshell, could Hajin (the object of affection) have had a true loving relationship with Yujin (the girl who was in love with her), rather than the pity turned into love relationship with Taesuk (Hajin’s object of affection). The point of my OP was that for someone seeking love (either first love or post multi-heartbreak loves), does their sexual orientation/preference matter, especially if sexual interaction isn’t required or desired? ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/32 "2019-07-23T07:58:42Z")
Well, I and my oldest friend are both gay women. But if she professed her love for me I’d run a mile - she’s like my sister, eww. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/33 "2019-07-23T08:31:34Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > A wise man once told me “A blowjob is a blowjob is a blowjob, unless he has a mustache.” I have no urge to be with dudes and the closest we could get to having a relationship is you can blow me when I’m passed out drunk which seems more like something you do to someone you don’t like rather than your best friend. Or if he shaves. According to your wise man. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/34 "2019-07-23T09:20:50Z")
No, I would not pursue the relationshiop, and would break off seeing the person. Not because of any ick factor, I would be flattered. But I am straight, and would not want to hurt the person who was in love with me by _staying friends_ and giving them false hope. zit would not be fair to them. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/35 "2019-07-23T12:08:55Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Despite my previous posts concerning that one guy, I am not so arrogant to say I’d always, 100% say no. Arrogant? I know 100% my answer would be know. I know myself very well. How is that arrogance, though? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/36 "2019-07-23T13:17:52Z")
No, because it would be too weird. > [@](#): > > would you pursue a relationship, i.e. openly accept and acknowledge you’re more than just friends? I don’t know what “more” refers to in the above, if sex is off the table. Emotional intimacy? That is included in my definition of “friend”. Romantic feelings? I don’t have romantic feelings toward men. > [@](#): > > Knowing that someone really loves you has to count for something right? Yeah, it counts towards something. Just not something that I can or want to pursue. I have gay friends, I have even had a gay friend make a pass at me, back in the day when I was single. I wasn’t horrified, and it didn’t even end the friendship (he moved away a year or so later). But the answer is still “no thank you”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/37 "2019-07-23T13:55:59Z")
I’m asexual, so it’s no regardless of the sex of the crusher. I lost a good friend because she wanted a lesbian relationship with me. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/38 "2019-07-23T14:01:36Z")
No, because, when my roommate during my first year in college told me exactly that, I didn’t do it. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/39 "2019-07-23T15:14:24Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Or if he shaves. According to your wise man. Actually, if he had a mustache I wouldn’t even let him blow me while I was passed out. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2019, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/40 "2019-07-23T15:40:58Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > I considered being all inclusive in my thread title, but it didn’t fit the storyline of the drama that got me thinking about the quesiton. Why not make it inclusive? The storyline was about two girls, and you didn’t have a problem generalize it to both genders. Why couldn’t you generalize it to people with same sex attraction? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468.md?page=3)