# Would you pursue a relationship if your good/best same sex friend said they're in love with you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2019, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468 "2019-07-22T19:11:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/61 "2019-07-24T23:56:20Z")
If the plan is to be long distance forever, then I personally wouldn’t call it a real romantic relationship. I’m sure others would disagree. Some of the great love stories a century ago or so are told through love letters across many miles. But if that’s all it will ever be then it’s an ersatz romance. Imho. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2019, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/62 "2019-07-29T19:20:41Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > There are sexual relationships that do not involve exclusivity (e.g., “open marriages”) and very close relationships that never cross the line into sex (cf. _Lost in Translation_ – the film), and probably a wide variety of other constructs of human closeness that are what most of us would call “relationships” but that would fall outside the narrow bounds of you definition. But he was talking about a relationship where they don’t have sex with each other, don’t want or intend to have sex with each other, _and_they don’t promise never to have sex with anyone else. That’s not an open relationship (this is 2019, I think we can take it as read that everyone knows open relationships exist). How is that a “relationship” rather than a close friendship? A very close friendship is a very close friendship. You can define the word relationship very widely, if you like. I mean, you have a relationship with your parents too, by some definitions of the word. You and I have a “relationship” in the broadest sense because we have occasionally communicated. But the context of the question made it clear that wasn’t the meaning intended. And it wasn’t a close friendship the OP was talking about - they said, specifically, “more than friends.” ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2019, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/63 "2019-07-29T19:46:07Z")
My best friend is a guy. If he were to come on to me, I would run the other way. I have no sexual attraction to him, whatsoever. Unfortunately for him, his wife is super paranoid and believes every time he comes over to help around the house, we’re actually having an affair. So he now schedules coming over when she’s at work, just so he doesn’t have to get yelled at all evening. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2019, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/64 "2019-07-29T21:04:20Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > But he was talking about a relationship where they don’t have sex with each other, don’t want or intend to have sex with each other, _and_they don’t promise never to have sex with anyone else. That’s not an open relationship (this is 2019, I think we can take it as read that everyone knows open relationships exist). How is that a “relationship” rather than a close friendship? A very close friendship is a very close friendship. > > You can define the word relationship very widely, if you like. I mean, you have a relationship with your parents too, by some definitions of the word. You and I have a “relationship” in the broadest sense because we have occasionally communicated. But the context of the question made it clear that wasn’t the meaning intended. And it wasn’t a close friendship the OP was talking about - they said, specifically, “more than friends.” There’s a difference between having a relationship with somebody, and being _in_ a relationship with somebody. I’ve been presuming this thread is about the latter. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2019, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/65 "2019-07-30T09:04:13Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > There’s a difference between having a relationship with somebody, and being _in_ a relationship with somebody. I’ve been presuming this thread is about the latter. Yeah. Otherwise it would make no sense as a question. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2019, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/66 "2019-07-30T16:29:35Z")
The OP really needs to define what they mean by ‘relationship’ and what ‘pursue the relationship’ entails. Exactly what constitutes a relationship and what it means depends on what the people involved want to call it. I’ve had close relationship with other people that involved a lot of emotional and physical contact but no sex (by the broad definition ‘involves orgasms or touching genitals’, not the ‘technically a virgin’ sense) that I wouldn’t just call friendship, but where someone else would class them varies. Whether I would ‘pursue a relationship’ like the OP means depends entirely on what the OP means by pursuit. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2019, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/67 "2019-07-30T16:43:34Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > I find it interesting that some of the posters place sexual interaction as a requirement for a relationship. Maybe not “a” relationship but it’s part of MY relationships at this point in time. So a lack of any sexual attraction is a no-go when starting a new relationship with me. Everyone else can do what they want. Like the rest of the thread, I would not pursue such a relationship. Even if I was one day curious about what sex with other wieners felt like, I wouldn’t want to casually experiment with someone who was in love with me since that would be actively cruel. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2019, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/68 "2019-08-07T16:56:52Z")
I’d be flattered but sorry bro, I don’t play for that team. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2019, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/69 "2019-08-07T17:13:26Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > No, because I’m straight. > > So in your case, would it not be appropriate to consider what you’d do if the friend who is in love with you was female? I would have said “straight & married”. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2019, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/70 "2019-08-07T17:18:38Z")
Nope. I know from experience gay won’t do for it none. Plus none of my guy friends really do it for me. Now, if I was friends with Vincent Perez, then _maaaaaaybe_. I hereby acknowledge that I’m the only person in the universe who thinks Vincent Perez is hot as fuck. There’s no shame there. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2019, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468/71 "2019-08-07T19:04:26Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I hereby acknowledge that I’m the only person in the universe who thinks Vincent Perez is hot as fuck. There’s no shame there. Gay here. I’d give Vincent Perez a 6, maybe 7. He’s all yours. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-pursue-a-relationship-if-your-good-best-same-sex-friend-said-theyre-in-love-with-you/837468.md?page=3)