# Would you rather wrestle a chimpanzee raised among humans or a wild alligator? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 11, 2015, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712 "2015-09-11T20:57:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/21 "2015-09-13T17:41:49Z")
If I recall correctly ( a big if), alligators have strong muscles for closing their mouths but not very strong muscles for opening them. Crocodiles are the opposite. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/22 "2015-09-13T18:10:58Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > If I recall correctly ( a big if), alligators have strong muscles for closing their mouths but not very strong muscles for opening them. Crocodiles are the opposite. That’s what I said about alligators in post #2. Your recollection about crocodiles is completely wrong. As I said, they are the same as alligators. All crocodilians have a similar jaw musculature. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/23 "2015-09-13T18:27:16Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Crocs wouldn’t be significantly different than alligators. Actually, alligators have wider jaws and might be somewhat stronger. (Of course it depends on the species of croc too. If it were a full grown [Nile](https://julianguerrero.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/img_6468.jpg) or [Saltwater Croc](http://www.animalspot.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Saltwater-Crocodile-Size.jpg) I might reconsider. You probably couldn’t hold one of those. ) Oh my… ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/24 "2015-09-13T18:49:39Z")
I’ve done both. Well, alligators and crocodiles (including caimans) at least. And primates as large as pig tailed macaques (max about 35 pounds). That is only a fraction the size of a chimp, but that just makes the choice even more clear. Hands down, I’ll take the reptile. That “little” macaque will f you up in less than a heartbeat, even if you’re prepared for it. A chimp would destroy you. Re: **Colibri** ’s comment, Nile and Saltwater crocs are not just large, but more aggressive (in my experience) than other species. I’ve worked with large Niles but only small Salties. No change in my decision though. I’d avoid wrestling that primate regardless. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/25 "2015-09-13T21:06:05Z")
Gator. I’ve seen what smaller primates can do to people and I’ve seen amateurs take on gators. Much lower risk factor to the reptile as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/26 "2015-09-13T21:50:38Z")
Alligator for me too. I grew up in Louisiana and even had a pet alligator once so I deserve it if I can’t handle one for 2 minutes. I was at a zoo once that had fence that created a gap between people and the monkey enclosures themselves but the gap was not that big. This medium sized monkey (not sure of the species) kept sticking his hand through his fence acting like he wanted to shake hands with someone. There was no way I was doing that but finally some redneck looking guy came by and could not resist. He leaned over the outer fence and stretched his hand close enough to the enclosure to get a good handshake from the monkey. As soon as he did, the monkey casually pulled him right into the outer fence and made him double-over on top of it. He screamed like a little girl and the monkey let go. The monkey just wanted to be an asshole and not hurt him badly or it would have ended up much worse. No thanks. I am not wrestling any monkeys let alone chimps. I got freaked out in Costa Rica last year because I had a private cabin in an out of the way resort and troops of monkeys would start knocking on the windows every night to see what they could score from me. It sounds nice and exotic until you realize how smart they are and what they can do if they really want to. After you start to recognize them individually, you start to fell like you are being stalked by a gang of miniature criminals that won’t back down. ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/27 "2015-09-14T02:30:28Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Wait, croc or alligator? The OP says one thing, and the thread title says another. Do crocs have the same jaw thing as gators? Aw, dangit. I meant alligator, what with them being the ones I know people wrestle. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/28 "2015-09-14T02:49:26Z")
Devil’s advocate here: there may be a loophole. You say: > [@](#): > > Your goal is to survive as uninjured as possible > … > Which would you rather wrestle for, say, two minutes? How wide is my latitude in interpreting “wrestle”? If the chimp is docile and used to human contact, can my wrestle be indistinguishable from holding the chimp’s hand? Young chimps play at wrestling; can I choose a young female chimp, play-wrestle, and disengage fairly often? Frankly if you put me in either situation, I’m probably gonna die. But my skillset at communicating with animals using body language is a more robust skillset than dodging a flailing crocodile’s teeth. I’m marginally more confident that I can convince a docile chimpanzee that I’m just playing than I am that I can grab a croc around the jaws and hold on. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/29 "2015-09-14T02:53:59Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I’m marginally more confident that I can convince a docile chimpanzee that I’m just playing than I am that I can grab a croc around the jaws and hold on. The alligator may be easier if you threaten it first by displaying a pair of alligator shoes or an alligator handbag. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/30 "2015-09-14T04:50:08Z")
Reptiles are largely “absentee mothers”, so you know that monkey is going to be a delinquent. So, I would _rather not._ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/31 "2015-09-14T13:41:28Z")
Alligator. Have you seen what chimps have done to people, even raised in loving homes? They are awful. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/32 "2015-09-14T14:35:22Z")
I’d rather wrestle the chimp raised among a wild alligator. He’d probably be dead, for one thing. ---
**Author:** ![adaher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@adaher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adaher)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/33 "2015-09-14T14:58:16Z")
Alligator. Wrestling alligators is a science. Do it right, you’re fine. Wrestling a chimpanzee is an exercise in hope, as in “I hope he’s not going to kill me or disfigure me.” I would rather take on a 400-pound black bear than a chimpanzee. ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/34 "2015-09-14T15:35:34Z")
I would wrestle the chimp and let him pin me while tapping out as quickly as possible. I don’t think the gator would understand when it was time to stop. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/35 "2015-09-14T17:30:42Z")
I’d rather wrestle the woman with the sore tooth. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/36 "2015-09-14T20:28:24Z")
I’ve never wrestled an alligator and even I would have a pretty good chance of pulling it off, just because I’ve seen it done. It sounds incredible but it’s a cheap sideshow act for a reason. You’ve never seen anyone do a sideshow act as a Chimpanzee Wrestler, and there’s a reason; there’d be a vacancy after every show. A chimp can and will pull parts of your body off. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/37 "2015-09-14T20:36:50Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Reptiles are largely “absentee mothers”, so you know that monkey is going to be a delinquent. So, I would _rather not._ Well, actually, alligators are fairly attentive mothers. They’re cold blooded, so there’s no point in them sitting on their nests, but they DO stay close to their nests after laying eggs, carry their hatchlings to water, and continue to protect them for several weeks afterward. Baby gators make a little peeping sound that summons Mom, if there’s danger. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/38 "2015-09-14T23:18:52Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Well, actually, alligators are fairly attentive mothers. They’re cold blooded, so there’s no point in them sitting on their nests, but they DO stay close to their nests after laying eggs, carry their hatchlings to water, and continue to protect them for several weeks afterward. Baby gators make a little peeping sound that summons Mom, if there’s danger. Crocodilians are deadbeat dads, but the [mothers are perhaps unusual](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crocodilia#Reproduction_and_parenting) (IANA herpetologist) in the amount of care they give. How (at least some species of) [crocodilians transport their babies](http://crocodilian.com/cnhc/images/!potm-mar99.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/39 "2015-09-14T23:39:07Z")
[Here is a chimp that knows martial arts.](https://youtu.be/mdDrQ9-5Ntc) [Here is a 363 lb professional sumo wrestler that competes with a 180 lb female Orangutan in a tug-of-war match.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfDxg0pJAX4) No, I am not getting in the ring with either one of them. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712/40 "2015-09-14T23:46:28Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > [Here is a chimp that knows martial arts.](https://youtu.be/mdDrQ9-5Ntc) > > [Here is a 363 lb professional sumo wrestler that competes with a 180 lb female Orangutan in a tug-of-war match.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfDxg0pJAX4) > > No, I am not getting in the ring with either one of them. While I am weaker than any other ape, I would much rather fight an orangutan than a gorilla, and would much, much, rather fight either than a chimpanzee. The bigger species have less psychotic rage and biting. I’d still lose either way, just less brutally. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-rather-wrestle-a-chimpanzee-raised-among-humans-or-a-wild-alligator/730712.md?page=3)