# Would you sign a prenup before marrying a person you loved? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694 "2010-10-19T20:02:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/21 "2010-10-19T21:51:33Z")
No. Otherwise isn’t love. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/22 "2010-10-19T22:00:41Z")
I’m already married, but I wouldn’t have. If she had suggested one, it would have been a red flag that would have seriously made me reconsider the marriage in the first place. My (and her) view is that marriage is for life. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/23 "2010-10-19T22:32:59Z")
“Just like there is law that governs the division of your estate if you die without a will, that doesn’t mean that making a will to split the property up is in some way an effort to get around what the law has decided to be a reasonable distribution on death.” I think the order kind of matters. Will laws are created for the situation where a will doesnt exist rather than wills being created to get around will laws. Prenups _were_ created to avoid the laws that already exist. They were not really intended to be mutually beneficial documents, but to protect one partys assets against the other. They dont have to be used like that, but that is their origin. Otara ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/24 "2010-10-19T22:41:14Z")
**Sampiro** , I wonder if the people who were “adamant” would have been so if the person asking for the prenup had been the man and not the woman. ETA: it’s a contract, people. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/25 "2010-10-19T22:44:35Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > No. Otherwise isn’t love. So what have my wife and I been doing for fifteen years? Kidding ourselves? Maybe you wanted to throw an “IMO” in there? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/26 "2010-10-19T22:47:38Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > No. Otherwise isn’t love. Since when has marriage always been about love? Sometimes it is a business deal, so better to get everything in legally recognized terms. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/27 "2010-10-19T22:56:02Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Maybe you wanted to throw an “IMO” in there? I think it’s probably reasonable to assume one, given the name of the forum we’re posting in. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/28 "2010-10-19T23:15:24Z")
I’m married, and we didn’t have a prenup. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/29 "2010-10-19T23:16:17Z")
I would be willing to sign a prenup for the same reason I would be unwilling to have his name tattooed across my chest: All relationships come to an end eventually. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/30 "2010-10-19T23:19:23Z")
For those who think a prenup is a bad sign for the relationship, if there were a form you could sign that would bar you from ever getting married again legally if you divorced, would you sign that before getting married? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/31 "2010-10-19T23:24:01Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > For those who think a prenup is a bad sign for the relationship, if there were a form you could sign that would bar you from ever getting married again legally if you divorced, would you sign that before getting married? What you describe doesn’t sound conceptually very different from a prenup. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/32 "2010-10-19T23:46:27Z")
I wouldnt sign it because it would be a coercion for the relationship to continue. As in you might as well make it really silly and say you’ll jump off a cliff if you ever divorce to show your ‘commitment’. Otara ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/33 "2010-10-19T23:48:14Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > I wouldnt sign it because it would be a coercion for the relationship to continue. That seems like you’re expecting the relationship to end. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/34 "2010-10-19T23:58:54Z")
I’d have no problem with it. I have learned in my long life that NOTHING and NO ONE is for certain, or forever. I would have my own lawyer look it over, of course. And I most definitely would want children and their education covered in a trust or something. Even if my intended was rich as Donald Trump, that doesn’t mean he couldn’t go broke years from now. Love has nothing to do with it. Love may have a use-by date, whether you want it to or not. I am a practical gal over the age of 16, and I know this. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/35 "2010-10-20T00:00:21Z")
At my age (47), one or both parties in any of my relationships have retirement funds, real estate and/or kids in the mix. The only reason that I’d get married in the first place (as opposed to living together) would be as a legal contract anyway, so a pre-nup and a will would definitely be in order. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/36 "2010-10-20T00:03:59Z")
No, and it would be a huge red flag for me-I’m actually pretty religious and personally conservative (though not in terms of other people’s lives) so it would mean I had made a gross misjudgment in terms of considering marriage with someone who didn’t share my values. Plus I’m usually the one outearning the other person anyway, and that isn’t likely to change. I do sometimes wonder at my friends who get married and give up their careers for kids but signed on the dotted line to get the investment banker husband. I think they’re making a huge mistake. ---
**Author:** ![ctnguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@ctnguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ctnguy)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/37 "2010-10-20T00:04:41Z")
I voted “Perhaps, but only a very limited one.” which seemed the closest to my opinion. I live in a jurisdiction in which marriage law is based on the Roman-Dutch law, and a marriage is automatically in community of property unless an ante-nuptial contract specifically excludes it. The general consensus is apparently that it’s always better to marry out of community of property. That said, I would insist that the contract include the “accrual” system, which basically means that, in the event of a dissolution, anything you came in with you leave with, but anything you earned during the marriage is shared 50:50. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/38 "2010-10-20T00:06:22Z")
“That seems like you’re expecting the relationship to end.” No Im saying coercion of that sort is more likely to make relationships end. Otara ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/39 "2010-10-20T00:11:53Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > “That seems like you’re expecting the relationship to end.” > > No Im saying coercion of that sort is more likely to make relationships end. > > Otara I’m not saying someone is trying to make you sign it. I’m saying the form exists. You can seek it out and sign it if you’re convinced your relationship will last until death. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/40 "2010-10-20T00:19:57Z")
Why am I offering to do things to harm myself either now or in the future in order to prove my love? Its nutty and worrisome if either party is doing so or asking it of the other or doing it to themselves. Otara [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694.md?page=3)