# Would you sign a prenup before marrying a person you loved? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694 "2010-10-19T20:02:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/101 "2010-10-23T02:19:55Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > You’re reducing your relationship at the _time_ of your divorce to financial terms. > > Not at all, and that’s not what I said, of course. I’m saying that non-monetary contributions to a relationship count, too. No one should get screwed in a divorce because their contributions “only” made the relationship run more smoothly for them, and didn’t end up as money in the bank. > > The most obvious example is a stay-at-home parent, whose contribution has more value than just the money saved in childcare costs. But there are other similar kinds of circumstances, too, where one partner is contributing more of the money, and the other is contributing more of something else. That doesn’t make the arrangement inequitable, it just makes it something that can’t only be measured in terms of the money thrown into the pot. > > Also, things change, and asset-splitting that made sense at the beginning of your relationship may no longer make sense or be fair after several years of both of your contributing in various financial and non-financial ways. So, you’re saying that whatever cash assets one person had before the marriage should be up for grabs because they both contributed something to the marriage? Can’t buy it. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/102 "2010-10-23T02:26:10Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > What? You’re making some pretty big assumptions. Why do you have to believe your marriage can’t possibly end to be insulted by a prenup? It’s like if you walked up to a fat person and said “Hey, you’re fat and are thus more likely to die early. Have you bought life insurance?” > > Let’s apply your faulty reasoning: “If they took that as an insult, they obviously MUST think that their obesity will never lead to their death.” > > Wrong. You can be perfectly aware of the reality and still feel insulted. > > :rolleyes: You are misapplying the allegory. The fat person, in your scenario, has no legal standing. In a marriage/divorce, there is a substantial liability for somebody. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/103 "2010-10-23T02:31:25Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > Prenups _were_ created to avoid the laws that already exist. Totally incorrect. No contract can invalidate the law. Oh, but you are correct in saying that prenups are there to protect assets. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/104 "2010-10-23T02:41:54Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > What people bring to a marriage can’t always be brought down to a dollar figure, and it’s insulting to try to reduce it to that. . It seems to me, in my limited experience, that it is always women who bring less cash to the marriage, who use this line of argument. It is ironic, because whatever it is that they bring to the marriage, they will have when they leave a marriage, so this intangible, which has a non-cash value, cannot be too valuable to them if they want something more when the marriage ends. It is also ironic how they always have a lawyer put a monthly dollar figure on this thing which was so lofty as to defy that, previously. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/105 "2010-10-23T02:53:45Z")
I believe that a prenup is a great idea. I believe that \*no \*prenup is a sign, not of love, but of a massive ego. “I’m such a hot 86 year-old guy that it’s only natural that Anna Nicole Smith would love me! It must be the stylish way that I drive my wheelchair, and blink to communicate that makes her blood boil! Why, the very idea of a prenup is ludicrous! Why would she want my billions instead of me and my catheter???” It is amazing how many people seem to think harshly of people that do want a prenup. I, myself, am as big a sucker for ‘love’ as ever came down the pike. But, I also know that what is love today, may turn into something quite different. Also, if I had two dimes to rub together, and/or a babe that would even speak to me, I would definitely have a prenup. It doesn’t show how little I love her; it shows how much I value her right to change in the future, and her ability to be an independent woman. If she doesn’t want me or my life, why burden her with my pocket book? Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694/106 "2010-10-23T04:01:56Z")
To preface: I haven’t read the whole thread. However, there is a vast misconception of what a prenup is intended for and can actually do VERSUS what people think they can do. Prenups are NOT intended to protect assets acquired during marriage. They are ONLY to protect assets acquired prior to the marriage. Any prenup written to protect assets acquired during the marriage can easily be thrown out in case of divorce by a half-decent lawyer. Assets acquired during the marriage in America are universally viewed as communal and splittable upon divorce. Regardless of who was the primary earner. So if nobody’s yet mentioned this, make sure your brother is aware that he will very most likely be able to take half his wife’s money in the case that they divorce. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-sign-a-prenup-before-marrying-a-person-you-loved/557694.md?page=5)